Siblings

[Sootball]

Hi - long time lurker and serial name changer so very doubtful anyone will know me but I've had lots of great advice in the past here.

I am the world's most indecisive person and DH and I are trying to decide about having another child. Dd1 had brain damage when she was born and although physically she can manage (mild cp and some fine motor problem) she has ever increasing cognitive challenges.

Then we had Dd2. She is wonderfully beautifully typical in every way. I want her to be able to have a typical sibling relationship which she won't have from her big sister. Already at 13mo Dd2 is developmentally ahead of 4 yo dd1 in many ways and they do have a relationship but it isn't typical at all.

I wondered if anyone else has been in a similar position?

Dd1 has Asd and Dd2 in NT. I was at one point agonising about a possible DC3 for the reasons you mentioned.

in the end it boiled down to the question as to whether we could cope with another child with additional needs and for me it was clear that I would not be able to cope and we decided agsinst another child. we are sure it was the right decision for us in our specific circumstances.

good luck with whatever you decide.

I think I am rapidly coming to the conclusion there is no such thing as a typical family, I think in my heart of hearts I want another child to be a part of our family.

We agonised over having dc3 and it was so hard to work out what was right for our family. We knew that it could give dc1 an NT sibling but also another sibling with Sn. We knew we had to be sure we could cope if the new baby also had SN.

In the end it boiled down to the fact that I wanted a 3rd child so much, I knew I was willing to take on whatever lay ahead.

DC3 is 6 months now and we all love him - dc2 said yesterday 'baby is special' and I could see that he now has another person in his life who he loves and who will love him. It's bloody chaotic though!!

I wanted more children after my second child was born with severe disability. my husband said we would not be able to cope he then left three years later so I had to cope anyway on my own. I still think it would have been better for my NT daughter to have had another sibling. I come from a large family and get on well with my brothers and sisters and had a fun childhood . I see how she has missed out on this. In the long term We were able to share the care of our elderly parents and help each other out when needed.

We've had friends and their children over today, at one point there were 5 (aged just 4 and under) playing together. It was so obvious that Dd2 was having a ball with the neurotypical children. Dd1 was having fun but her play is so basic, heartbreaking to watch.

I think like you andanotherthing123 I know I want a third child if I'm honest, having Dd2 is such a rewarding wonderful experience.

I have an older brother with ld and having my sister growing up made things better we could talk about how things were good / crap and we had someone who knew exactly how we felt.

The time when db rode his bike for the first time was awesome none of my friends got how fantastic that was - sis did :-)

Thank you twinkle thats my feeling that Dd2 would be able to discuss the subtle things in life with dc3

Twinkle and sootball, These are the reasons I would love a third child. DD1 is NT, dd2 has cp. the only thing holding me back is the worry that dc3 will be prem like dd2 and have additional needs. I just don't know if I am brave enough to take the gamble...

Summerdaydreams - with dd2 I had more monitoring to try to prevent the circumstances which happened with dd1. Were you ever given a cause for the premature birth?