Two year old won't let anyone touch her and can't speak

[TractorTam]

DD has recently turned 2. She was very high needs as a baby and though obviously her needs have changed with her age, she remains very different to her peers. She cannot speak at all, really. She has one word that would be recognisable to anyone, but often pronounces it differently so it's incomprehensible. She is extremely fussy with food and has a very restricted diet. She has never been picked up by anyone but DH or I, she is furious if anyone tries to touch her bar us and her siblings. Even GPs are rejected - she almost fell down some stairs because MIL was coming behind her and she panicked that she'd try and pick her up.

She is complex in a way I don't see with other toddlers. For example, today she had her sleeve stuck on a toy and was screaming because it was restricting her movement (which she hates). DH is less experienced with her 'ways' and headed in to help her, which made her scream ten times louder. With things like this, I always have to ask first if she'd like help before approaching or touching otherwise she cannot cope. Contact has to be on her terms, always.

She will get extremely upset about small things - I.e. If she trips and anyone says 'its okay', she'll scream like she's broken a leg. If she's trying to get somewhere and someone else gets there first she'll be distraught. PIL can't get out of the habit of saying I'm coming to get you and going at her like they're going to grab/tickle her and it sends her into an absolute meltdown.

I don't know if she's just unique or if I should be getting these behaviours looked into and would really appreciate any advice anyone here could offer.

Yes, in the UK. Her HV was concerned at her 2 yr check so wants to reassess her next month.

I agree about the referral to a development paediatrician because of her language. I would also ask for referrals to speech and language therapy and audiology (to check her hearing) because of this. However, I do think if you are concerned about her other behaviours then that is enough reason to get them checked too. The problem with so many conditions is that many of the behaviours associated with them are also normal for certain stages of development. There are also wide ranges of behaviour in any group of nt 2 year olds. So you often have to watch and wait and see how they develop which can be frustrating and can also lead to changing diagnoses. However, as you are concerned you need to get the ball rolling.

I think you definitely need to request a referral and discuss your concerns with someone. Certainly from what you are saying she has problems of some sort, possibly more than 1 sort.

You definitely need to get on a SALT waiting list now - they can be very long in some areas and the earlier there is any therapy the better so push the HV or GP for that now. Hearing tests again definitely push for.

From what you have said there is enough there to raise my personal alarm bells (I am not an expert) that there is more going on BUT do remember that if she is struggling with some sort of language/communication disorder then she will be more frustrated than we can possibly imagine and probably would find the world scary and confusing as a result. For this reason I would say try and get the SALT assessed first. If you find out there is a language problem then the other problems might settle down anyway?

Also worth getting her eyes checked properly - I would go straight for a behavioural optometrist rather than a regular opticians, might as well get it all checked out as thoroughly as possible.

Thanks for your advice. Her behaviour worries me because her comprehension is excellent - so it's not as if she doesn't understand that someone is just trying to help her (as in the original example) she is just very particular about how that must happen. Similarly, if she hurts herself she'll be 100 times worse if anyone tried to pick her up and comfort her. She has to be asked, without being approached, whether she would like me to go to her and help her. She cannot stand people staring at her, or being the focus of attention, it makes her flap and scream.