cant cope any more

[billiejeanbob]

I feel so anxious. my daughter has SN and I just cant take any more. we have been fighting for the past 2 years for help at school etc. I just cant take any more. I have recieved a report from her paed this weekend and she has been diagnosed with significant global delay :( I just want to do whats right to help her but tbh im not even sure what is right anymore. dd was hit by a car this week after begging me to let her play in our cul de sac with her friends. she is ok just badly brusied and cut but its really shaken me. I just feel like I have made all the wrong choices for her and that she hates me for it. she shows a lot of frustration and lacks any empathy. She is sleeping at my mums tonight and I miss her so much I feel sick but I know that she wont bat an eyelid that im not there.

To make matters even worse school have just referred my ds to the paeds as they are concerned about his development in the same way as they were my dd. so it looks like its all about to start again with my son...
sorry I am not asking for replies just need to vent as feeling so low at the moment.

None of this is your fault. If you'd made wrong choices, you wouldn't be fighting so hard for your DD.

It is a shock to realise you have to go through it all again (my boys were both diagnosed with ASD in pretty quick succession) and nothing I can say will take away the devastation and disappointment for your DS.

You will come through it, though and your DC will still be the same wonderful children they were before going through the diagnostic process. You'll just have an awful lot more information about who they are, which can only be a good thing, even if it isn't the news you want to read when you first get it.

Its not your fault. Children should be able to play safely in a cul de sac. It was up to the car driver to be more careful.

I doubt very much she hates you for it - children love their parents, and want their love. Accidents happen with the best will in the world. We can't be superparents, and wrapping children in cotton wool does not do them any good either.

Labels are only a signpost to help. As the poster said above, the children will still be your children as they were. I know the shock of finding out the extent of two children's problems - just try to take it one day at a time; get through that day and don't think too much about about the future. It may be a cliche, but cross your bridges when you come to them.

It's not you, it really isn't. You may have to get used to making unpopular decisions for your DD though. My biggest battle is making 'stage appropriate' decisions rather than 'age appropriate' ones. It's horrible to say no to something that all the other children are doing, but to keep her safe I have to.

Thank you for the kind messages, I knew mn would understand. I think we have been so busy fighting for help I havent processed it all yet and of course seeing it in black and white makes it very real.
I love her unconditionally but just sometimes wish life was easier for her. I think I need to slow down and take things day by day. I've been thinking to the future and how things will only get harder for dd and facing the prospect of any OOC school and tbh it is terrifying me.
lougle the stage appropriate thing rings very true. dd is 8 and all of her friends in our cul de sac all play outside on the grass. she begged me to let her out to play so I did but I knew deep down that she just wasnt ready. its so difficult as she has been watching them through the window.

Bless you... That wobbly feeling of not being able to cope and feeling like you are doing everything wrong is very normal when we have a fright. This could have happened whether she had Sn or not.

I think Ourvye makes an excellent point and it helped me enormously when someone said something very similar to me when I was battling for diagnosis and support. You already ARE coping... They are your same boy and girl. Its important to separate the child from this awful war we have to engage in to get any help or else it drags you under.
Take a breather... Enjoy your kids .....and keep coming on here and we'll polish your armour ready for the next skirmish.

I can't keep dd safe. In the last 5 years, she's had 17 head injuries, X rays of her skull, jaw bone, teeth, spine and shoulder - lost 2 teeth, got a broken collar bone and suffered brain damage. Even the SW accepts its too hard for any family to cope with epilepsy like hers.

Thank you for the kind messages, I knew mn would understand. I think we have been so busy fighting for help I havent processed it all yet and of course seeing it in black and white makes it very real.
I love her unconditionally but just sometimes wish life was easier for her. I think I need to slow down and take things day by day. I've been thinking to the future and how things will only get harder for dd and facing the prospect of any OOC school and tbh it is terrifying me.
lougle the stage appropriate thing rings very true. dd is 8 and all of her friends in our cul de sac all play outside on the grass. she begged me to let her out to play so I did but I knew deep down that she just wasnt ready. its so difficult as she has been watching them through the window.