Help with anxiety/selective mutism

[mrsnew42]

Hello

My DS1 has not spoken in school since he started at age 4, he is now 7. We have been back and forth with trying to obtain help, had CAMHS involved who said it needed to be dealt with in school, ed psych put in place a plan for him, which I don't feel was correctly followed. We are now waiting for another referral for CDC and have got SALT coming next week.

Just really want to know if anyone experiencing this and what are you doing to help, as I'm feeling pretty useless at the moment

I really felt he was progressing in year 1 but year 2 has been much worse. Disastrous assembly (couldn't do it), I kept him out of sports day, and now he is starting to have panic attacks over certain things all related to school (fire alarms) etc.

I think the school feel there is something else waiting to be diagnosed, as he has certain behaviours I.e putting hands on ears a lot in school.

It would be nice to hear that someone has come out the other side of this. SM is extremely sad and frustrating. At home I have a happy, very chatty child and at school he is like a different person full of anxiety. He does have a small circle of friends, but does not talk to them in school. If I dare mention a new school he gets cross and says he doesn't want to go to any school!

Just to add also I am dreading year 3 already, have been told there will be minimal help for him and that he has to start getting himself involved more, instead of being 'stubborn'.

Thanks, sorry for long post

Glad to hear you are winning zzzzz I actually think the anxiety is over taking the selective mutism if that makes sense.

Hi Polter Goose, we have seen SALT once and she is coming home to see us on Monday.

Will look into workbooks thanks

But yes anxiety is awful. With the new school year looming I just hope we can get some help for him.

x

Hi zzzzz

Yes he does talk out of school and out of the house. He went through a long period (about a year) without talking to one set of grandparents, which thankfully has resolved itself now.

Saying that, if he was chatting away outside and we were to bump into someone school related then he would freeze up. He's happy sometimes for people (our friends etc) to hear his voice but if asked a direct question he would look at me to answer. Which I try desperately not to, to give him a chance, but it doesn't normally come.

We have tried videos, me going into school etc. He will chat to me in school if we're in another room and it's just us, but we can't seem to move forward as he just doesn't want anyone else coming in.

xx

DD2 told me last October, aged 19:

"Oh, I stopped talking at school in Y5..."

I knew she was very shy, and developed social anxiety in her teens, but never knew she actually stopped talking at school. She has always been very forthright in her opinions at home!

Anyway, my nextdoor neighbour is a SLT. DD2 was fine on a gap year last year, working in a supermarket and had lots of friends - its in an academic environment with people her own age, where she can't talk (like starting university in September). My neighbour told me it was about getting her to realise that she can transfer the social skills she had at work into other settings like... university. She recommended we get her brother or boyfriend to go up there at weekends and act as a social conduit for her -ie go round in a group of students with her, and do the talking for her, in the hope it gave her enough confidence to talk gradually. She felt it might take a year or two for her to get over it.

She also says selective mutism can occur in children, who come to this country and have to learn English. It takes them a while to sort the language, new grammar, etc in their heads, and while that is going on, they will be selectively mute at school, although they will talk to their siblings in school on their own.

PS - forgot to say, she is having counselling for her ongoing anxiety, depression, etc and is on Prozac.

My DD is the same age but we have had a breakthrough this year.

DD didn't talk to anybody at all in nursery/preschool. Spoke to a few friends in Reception and continued to talk to some friends in year 1.
For the last term of nursery/preschool I took time off from work and cut her hours right down from 3 full days and 2 half days to 3 mornings. I stayed at the nursery with her and she gradually started talking to me in the room, very quietly. Other children asked lots of questions and I would tell them she was shy. I used to talk to the other children quite a lot, so that DD would see that it was ok.
In reception I honestly thought that they would make more effort to help. She moved to year 1 having g never spoken to her teachers/TAs.

In year 1 her teacher asked me at the February half term what he could do to help, as he didn't just want to accept that she would never speak to him.
It took 15 weeks of me going in twice a week to listen to her read or play games in her empty classroom at break time. DD's teacher VERY slowly moved from outside the closed classroom door to sitting at the same table as us. His patience and determination allowed DD to trust that we weren't going to trick her into being heard. She chose where he would sit for each session.
The trust and security that was built up allowed DD to feel secure enough to speak to her teacher and both teaching assistants by the end of the year.
In September last year her current teacher, eager to achieve the same as the year 1 teacher, adopted the same strategy within a week of school starting. By October half term DD was talking to her teacher and within the last couple of months she's spoken to all of the teachers that she regularly has.

Last week her current teacher played a game with DD and her year 3 teacher every lunchtime. DS has now spoken to the teacher that she will have in September.

I am delighted. DD still doesn't talk to one set of grandparents or an uncle, but she doesn't see them very often. She enjoys paying for things by herself in shops now using the self pay checkouts as there is no pressure to talk. She will also go to a till and nod or shake her head.

Sorry that this has been a really long post but it has been a really long journey and we finally seem to be getting somewhere.

Good luck