Dealing day to day with anxiety/tantrums etc.

[Mrsdoodle]

Hi, my DD is 4.5. She has Sensory Processing Disorder and ongoing problems with anxiety.

At the moment we are going through (another) bad patch. She is happy and confident at part time nursery and at home pretty much cries, moans or shouts most of the time. Anything can set her off, and very often nothing at all. She either starts to cry, makes a moaning sound, does a sort of rapid breathing thing, jumps up and down, collapses on the floor and/or just screams at me. She also has chronic stomach pains which are being investigated but likely to be caused by anxiety. I think that she quite often has what I can only describe as panic attacks.

We are very gentle and calm with her (mostly!). We try to avoid triggers but often there are none. We encourage her to talk about what's frustrating her but she just seems unable to regulate herself. I have read the Explosive Child, which was great but was pretty much our approach anyway and it doesn't work when there is no apparent reason for the explosions. We are doing 'what to do when you worry too much' which is also great and she is articulate about the worries she does have, but often says that she just feels so worried and there is no cause. We have cut out sugar and processed foods, she has omega, vitamin and mineral supplements. Her life is well structured and mapped out with very few upsets or surprises.

Has anyone else been in a similar position - is there anything more we can try? We have a couple of medium to long-term plans; she is starting more OT shortly (retained reflex therapy) and is hopefully being referred to CAMHS, though I am not particularly hopeful about what they will do. When she is screaming or crying she desperately wants comfort but cannot accept it, as she struggles with human contact. I often find myself essentially ignoring her as I can't think of any way of helping. I do feel that a big part of the problem, apart from the SPD stuff, is that she thinks so much. She absorbs and analyses everything and almost seems to overthink every aspect of her life.

Thanks for reading this. Any advice very much appreciated.

I have a DD who sounds very similar, she suffers with terrible anxiety and some sensory issues. DH has always said she over thinks everything and is never relaxed.

She is 8 now and was assessed when she was 4 as we were concerned about her she couldn't cope with changes to routine, she suffered awful seperation anxiety (cried every single day when left at nursery for a whole year) and had what I can only describe as panic attacks.

She was diagnosed with Anxiety with ASD traits, we adapted home life as much as possible to avoid upset and once she moved in Y1 where school life was more structured this suited her much better.

Just recently things have got a lot worse again, I think due to school getting more difficult and her friends growing up and don't seem as tollerant to her 'quirks' any more. We have just started the process for her being reassessed and have been referred to CAMHS to try and help with her anxiety.

I'm sorry I can't offer much advice but wanted you to know you aren't on your own and I fully understand how difficult it can be.

My dd is almost five with a private diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder with asd traits. No advice just yo say i know how you feel

Thanks very much for your responses. It's really good to know that we're not alone!

It's interesting that two of you mention a diagnosis of anxiety with ASD traits. Can I ask who diagnosed this and where the referral came from? Does the anxiety diagnosis help in any way or give access to further support? I didn't know ASD 'traits' was a thing. My daughter presents that way sometimes but has none of the social impairments.

The GP has been pretty unhelpful so far and it is only the gastro consultant who is talking about referring to CAMHS in a few months if there's no other cause for stomach pains. We have always assumed that the anxiety was caused by the SPD and have looked for therapies accordingly, but perhaps we need to engage more with mental health services.

Thanks again

My dd has similar issues. I wish I had a magic formula but I don't.you might already be doing it but you could try asd friendly strategies giving her a lot of structure and predictability, and opportunity for downtime ( whatever she finds enjoyable and relaxing). I find anxietybc.com to be very useful too.

Thank you. The website looKs very interesting, I will have a good read, especially the section on perfectionism.

Your dd sounds similar to my 7yo ds too. He was initially dxed with SPD and anxiety, and later got a dx of ASD with PDA.

He has responded really well to sensory integration therapy and also to "what to do when your temper flares" (in the same series as the "worry too much" one). We did the "worry too much" one with him, but his anxiety manifests itself more in emotional outbursts than in worrying, so the temper one was more relevant to him -it gives strategies for controlling emotions and reactions.

I'm a huge fan of "the explosive child" too - if not the very rigid "plan b" stuff, more the general principles!

We still have lots and lots of meltdowns, minor and major ones, though; and sometimes we find all we can do is wait it out as any attempt to engage makes it much worse!

Yes my dd can only switch off when watching tv, though even that is not working so well any more.

I'm going to revisit the explosive child and will definitely check out the 'what to do when your temper flares' book. Sounds v appropriate for her, though I'm concerned that just teaching her to control her temper and reign in her emotions is making her internalise it all, leading to the physical symptoms like tummy aches.

I also find lots of the anxiety advice doesn't fit because it's geared up to responding to specific worries, whereas my DD just has the sensations of anxiety with no cause.

Thank you again for all the responses, it's given me quite a few ideas and makes me feel a bit less alone!