Upsetting induction morning. Am I overeacting?

[Elvisina74]

Just need to know whether I need to calm down about this or whether I should be concerned. My DS 4 is currently at his first induction morning for Reception. He has diagnosed Social Communication Difficulties which will be reviewed towards the end of this year with the strong possibility of being diagnosed with ASD. He has been having one to one support at pre school and has made loads of progress and is very happy there (has a lovely best friend). Unfortunately he didn't get into the school that the pre school is attached to but after visiting my catchment school he has got into I was reassured that they were very experienced with working with children with SEN and I was determined to be really positive about getting my second choice school. Last week we went in for a short visit to the classroom he'll be in and he really liked it and all seemed well. I had a long talk with his teacher about his diagnosis.

This morning he seemed a little nervous but understood that he was going to a 'new school' and willingly came with me and seemed quite excited by seeing the other children, having a little chat with one of them and running around a little bit. When the teacher came out she had name stickers for all the children. She handed them out to all of them except us, who she didn't notice standing close to her (my DS was a bit reluctant and shy but not making a fuss). When she asked if everyone had their stickers I said clearly and pleasantly "Ooh no, sorry, we still need ours" and she obviously didn't hear me and said "Right, children, say goodbye to your mums and dads and let's go in." I called a bit louder "Sorry, we need our sticker!" (basically just wanting her to say something nice and encouraging to him) but she didn't hear me and just walked away with the rest of the children (who mostly seemed to know each other from pre school). I then walked in with my DS who by this point was becoming upset and when we got to the door she literally ripped him out of my arms and carried him in. I know she has a lot to think about but is it too much to ask that she had given just a little bit of thought to how to make the probably ASD boy, who doesn't know anyone, feel more comfortable on his first day! I walked away in tears desperately disappointed for him as it could have so easily been much nicer. He doesn't actually need much encouragement to make him feel comfortable but I feel he kind of had 'less' support than the others IYSWIM. I was feeling so positive about this school and now I think they don't understand ASD at all! I'm pretty close on the reservation list for the school attached to his pre school and I'm now thinking I should hope that I get in there and move him. I have a strong feeling they would have been more 'creative' in their approach as they've been absolutely brilliant so far.

Say goodbye to your mums and dads? No time to be with you in the classroom and get used to it? I don't think you were over reacting at all, this is not how it was done at our school, whether this was with SEN or NT children. These are four years olds! You don't just whip them off into a new environment without their familiar people. I would not be happy with the school at all, SEN provision completely aside.

Ahh thanks guys! Thing is, I'm a teacher myself (secondary) and last week I taught an induction session for Year 6s. Absolutely not saying I'm the world's best teacher or anything but I took special care to plan the session in a way that would make the two students with ASD as comfortable as possible. Just little things like making sure I greeted them earlier in the day so they would recognise me later and planning an activity that I thought they would be able to access easily. I'm so scared that my DS is going to be unhappy when I don't think it would take much for him to thrive. It's going to be a long rocky road I can see!

I would definitely have a meeting with the SENCO and the class teacher asap, if you are going to stay at that school.

Please put this in writing to the school. Not in a critical way but outlining what happened. It will be evidence of your expectations and your understanding of your child's needs and if they don't buck up their ideas, evidence of their lack of both.

I still think Primary Teachers in general have a long way to go with regards to accommodating children with ASD. In secondary school you almost have to get it right because the consequence will be disastrous (having a volatile nearing 6 foot 11year old) but not so in Reception. Your child might cry, but all kids cry right? You might be concerned about your child and worried about him, but all parents of 4 year olds are right? And Reception is for getting the children as used to school as quickly as possible and not letting those pesky parents get in the way with their neuroticisms. You'll also have to get in the queue behind the PFB parents etc.

It just isn't taken as seriously. But it will be, once you start documenting, even politely.

Having said that, if your gut still tells you this is wrong, leave.

He can stay at home until a place at the other school comes up. If you think it is needed you can apply for a statement and that will get you straight into the other school anyway.

BTW, My ds' placement was shite in Reception, so I put him in a private nursery instead. He wasn't the only one his age as a few others who hadn't got their school choice also attended. It was fully funded as he was entitled to it. He stayed there whilst we got his statement sorted.

Ok, you're right. I really must tell the school how disappointed I was. I'm going to email the Senco from this new school and nicely explain how disappointed I was, especially as she recently attended a transition meeting at his present pre school in which his pre school teacher outlined the many strategies she had been using to help my DS (she really has been awesome). I feel as though none of the things we had talked about had actually been shared with his new teacher, although I could be wrong about this. Loads of paperwork has been sent to his new school - IEPs, diagnosis letter, specialist teacher reports etc. I need to be reassured that someone is actually reading them! When I went to pick him up I was told that he had been "fine" but "will need lots of lessons on sitting still and listening" which again I found upsetting as this is obviously related to his condition so they should have been at least a little bit prepared for this. His pre school has done loads of work on this and he had improved a lot. I had to specifically push myself forward and ask for feedback or they would have said nothing. I do understand that they can't give everyone feedback every session but I do think that perhaps a little effort to speak to the mother of the very upset child with special needs, who doesn't know any of the other children, would have been nice. I'm not impressed. I am not getting a good vibe from this place.

It sounds as though the teacher didn't even know your child has autism! I would email but not go over board at this point (some schools are very defensive). I would just say that you are concerned the information your child had autism didn't seem to have been passed on to the teacher and then give egs eg she didn't greet him, settle him, took him off you in abrupt way, didn't check he had his sticker, comments made at end of day. You could even ask for a second visit when he goes to spend a bit more time at school (and stay this time). Its perfectly reasonable to ask for extra short visits for a child with additional needs. But IME bad vibes generally are correct. We have moved DS at year 2 and my only regret is we stuck with a defensive, uninterested, lazy, low expectation school so long.

Sorry just realised doesn't have diagnosis but sc needs should still got different response.

It sounds very odd to me, at our first induction morning we spent time with our children in the classroom. and after about 20 minutes they invited the parents to go to another room to have a coffee and ask the Head any questions they had about the school. It was a very relaxed morning and DS thoroughly enjoyed it.