Feeling upset and powerless

[AnonyMust]

In short, we are awaiting diagnosis having been referred to a diagnostic centre by CAHMS who think that DS has asperges. He's 6.5yrs. His behaviour us great 1:1 (although very 'self-directed' and reluctant to follow instructions. I've worked on this - VERY hard.
Upset is that at school, his behaviour is, at times, impulsive. Kicked a ball from someone's hand today - kicking their hand. No accident according to teacher. Not first time he's behaved like this. It's a bit more complex than this as I've recently had a cancerous tumour removed from my back and he was getting anxious this morning - realising that none of us know whether we have it, etc.
What more can I do?

((hugs))

(sorry hicked and finger slipped.)

ds's behaviour is worse when he is stressed. you will find it more difficult to cope when a good proportion of your subconcious/concious is taken up with other significant worries.

oh heck I am crap at this...

OK - so, you are (sort of) coping at home? Cancer is a very scary thing, as is an ASD diagnosis. So, lots of stress, worries ... What support have you got for you, for him, for your family?

School? Well, can they treat him as if he already had a diagnosis? So, a safe place to go, lots of visuals to underpin instructions and support the day, social groups, a TA while you are going through your and his diagnosis? It is a big ask but given they are already seeing the problems, they have to provide some of the solution - even if it is only for this last half term. There is a big difference between a child on the spectrum doing certain things and a child who is NT - volition, social understanding, control - inhibition, sensory overload, perspective ..... It requires different management.

I would go and ask them for very specific help given the circumstances and say that it can all be reviewed every couple of weeks as things change.

Unfortunately, having had an awful experience at his state school, losing bith in laws (died within three years of each other just before Reception), we moved him to private school where they do treat him better - not blasting him out to 'get through to him' (ie break him) which led to sensory overload/ shock and our local HV, who the school asked to visit as I complained about this, telling me (off record) to change his school. Now, I don't know what I can expect of his private school and they've been wonderful tbh. His class teacher was the one who mentioned her suspicions / observations of him being on the autistic spectrum. By all intents and purposes, he comes across as highly articulate and intelligent but wilful and without much 'pause time' before acting impulsively when he wants something. Behaviours that aren't now becoming less age-appropriate and come across as 'naughty'. Hence no play dates. CAHMS usefully came to school and told teacher not to bother with social groups or helping him to play cooperatively. I disagree but am not the expert (although I am a primary school teacher). Grrrrr
Last night, had a phone call from a terribly upset parent whose little one had been hurt (hand kicked as was in way of ball my DS wanted). Wish I could do more. I use every positive strategy and a host of consequences, 123 Magic, marble chart, you name it! Seems that it's more impulsive behaviour is less prone to be helped by hole intervention.

Home. Not hole - although I do feel like crawling into one.

Black eye, not crap. Very lovely of you.
Potter, 'children who don't respond to the usual positive rewards' etc. sounds spot on. However, I do everything I can at home and I'm wondering whether it'll help as it is at school (and all group activities) where the difficulties lie.

CAHMS said these behaviours are anxiety based. Much as I love and am positively biased in wanting to come from am 'understanding place' re. my own DS, I CAN'T SEE IT! just seeks wilful and not nice. He's also uber-sensitive to being laughed at and assumes that others have 'done it on purpose' when genuine accidents happen, BUT easily laughs at others if what they say 'sounds funny', etc. he ain't winning friends - not that he has any to lose ;(
Oh gd I'm unhappy ;(
Sorry to rant. This is just blummin depressing. Should find out about his assessment date today or tomorrow. Can't face seeing lovely mum who called to tell me how upset her son was last night as I feel so guilty. Her son is the nearest thing to a little angel (no, he really IS so sweet).
Poo
Poo
Double poo

Polter... those resources are amazing. School run shortly but am inspired. Read first link and as for the list of difficulties... I could tick almost EVERY one!
Next resource Lois like a comprehensive programme / course with snippets of reading interspersed with videos. Very 'do-able'. Thank you.
Hard isn't it. I see from your comment that your son was also physical in the Infants. I just... can't see that it'll stop - or his reluctance.

Anon - there are two responses to anxiety - fight or flight and we all do them but it is far more exacerbated in kids on the spectrum, if he is. His responses do sound autistic - the odd perspective, the over-sensitivity to others but not applied to his own behaviour, the lack of friends, the lack of inhibition, the failure to pick up and learn from social cues. Do you kick things out of someone else's hands? This is not learnt behaviour; this is behaviour coming from something else.

With the other lovely parent - be honest: tell them you are struggling with his behaviour and looking for solutions. DS2 bit all of his first class at some point in the first year of school. Mortifying but it wasn't of his volition; he was responding to his unbearable stress of being autistic in a mainstream school.

What about trying social stories dealing with each issue as they arise? I'm off to look at those resources, now, too.

Awesome . Our CBT sessions look and sound very similar.

Brilliant, aren't they. I didn't get The Call today. Had been told, yesterday, that autism diagnostic centre place would be calling to give assessment times n dates. Will call tomorrow.

It is so disappointing when the important appointments don't materialise as promised. Hope you get the assessment soon.

Feel like in holding my breath at the finish line. At least I'm nearer to having one than I've been for the last four years. What's another two months?! Lol
However, it'd be good to have it done n dusted before next term/ academic year. Fat chance.