How to deal with ADHD son's 'bf' hurtful comment

[MadameSin]

Just needed to vent somewhere understanding. Ds aged 11 has had a best friend since reception class. Long story short, bf's mum told bf my ds isn't allowed to attend bf's birthday sleepover cos he's 'crazy'. Now, a little excitable maybe, but not 'crazy' FFS!! He told us when he was at a sleepover at ours last night and ds's face just dropped .. I feel gutted for my ds and soooo pissed off at bf for thinking it wasn't going to upset him, or maybe he did?? Ds is mild ADHD and there has never been any issue in the past with their friendship, spending time together and they have attended each other's parties, always. Dh says I should tell her what was said, but I really can't be arsed to even entertain it tbh …. just feel really sorry for ds, he has had a great year at school and even managed to pass entrance exams for small independent for the senior years (bf is also going to same school after him wanting to go to same school as ds). I'm so proud of ds's efforts, both with school work and social skills and this is like a smack in the face for both of us really. Probably seems a bit pathetic to some compared, but

Oh, your poor DS, that is tough, and it hurts to hear that sort of thing as a parent. My DD is the same age, and she is regularly told that she is crazy by various friends, but generally in a positive way (just this week one of her closest friends was at our house, and he told me in her presence that she is completely crazy and that is why they are best friends...).

I don't really have any good suggestions, except would it help to up the 'good' side of crazy to your DS, as in, all the greatest inventors, and the most creative people are all a bit crazy, that sort of thing?

LOL Jud! Yes, I big up the 'crazies' all the time. I think he would seem crazier than his bf, as bf is almost catatonic, which is ironic really - maybe that's been their attraction to each other all along, polar opposites? I'm just worried ds will mention it to the mum and not in a good way … da, da, dahhhh

That must have been heartbreaking for your DS to hear. I'm doubting that his friend was being malicious, though, as he clearly enjoys your DS's company (boys that age don't appear to waste any time hanging around with people they don't like). It's his mother I'd be furious with.

It might not be a bad thing if your DS mentions it to his friend's mum. She should be more careful with her choice of words. I have no pity for her if she ends up having to face up to them.

Yes, what ourvye says, don't worry about your DS mentioning it, I think that would not be a bad thing at all, maybe that will make her think about her choice of words next time.

Try to not be too upset with the bf though, I am sure that he is just repeating what he heard (and possibly trying to make sense of it too). It is a tough world out there for our kids.

Anyway, talking of sleepovers, my DD (also 11) went on her first birthday sleepover a few weeks ago. At about 12.30 she started sending me texts, saying that everybody was asleep and she was bored, and had gone downstairs to explore. I texted back telling her to go to bed. In the morning I found a text from her sent at 2.30 am saying that she had just fed the family cat as she seemed really hungry... The next day I picked her up and the hosts told me how great everybody had been, and how all the kids had been fast asleep by 11...

how funny Jud … little did they know!

Tell her. Ask if there has been an incident you were unaware of that has upset her blah blah blah. Rather than going WTAF ARE YOU SAYING.? We had a comment along those lines and I couldn't not ask as I was so hurt and DS so upset. She denied it and waffled but hopefully will be more careful in future with her comments.

Good luck. Hope your DS is ok

Had 3 texts from the mum in the last 48 hours asking all sorts of irrelevant questions … I think her son may have mentioned what was said and she's trying to cage 'the mood'. Think I'll let her stew for a bit

Ooh yes let her stew! Silly woman

Well, I've pre-empted playground chat about the birthday sleepover this weekend and arranged DS's own sleepover with 2 other mates also not going. He'll have a lovely time and will hoepfully be distracted from thinking about what he is missing out on. Oh lawdy, the lengths we got to ……

It's almost simpler having kids who don't care about sleepovers and social stuff!

Good luck!