Do you make allowances for your dc sn?

[Imsuchamess]

I have a DS age 8 suspected AS ADHD. Dd age 4 severe autism. Well I make allowances for both but as dd is more severely affected she is unable to do a lot of things DS was able to do at her age. I make more allowances for dd as she needs more allowances.

However DS has noticed how do I explain to him? I don't like the disparity but dd is simply not capable of the stuff DS is. I don't want to stop DS doing stuff he is capable of as I feel he should be learning to do what he is able to do himself.

Could you explain the differences in terms of age? . . because dd is younger than you. . . Or . . . because you are really clever and dd hasn't learnt that yet. . . ???

Is that the sort of thing you mean Insuchamess??? Hope that's helpful (not entirely sure it is).

Thanks both I think I'll try the age reasoning.

Yes, but the older Dd's have found it really hard to come to terms with.

They are convinced that Dd3 is treated differently because she is the baby!!

Err no girlies she has autism!!

Hi I'm suchamess I've got a ds who's 9 and has hfa and dd4 who has autism and attends a special school , I try to explain to ds she has special needs but it's not easy

Thank you at least I'm not alone. Though I'm sorry you are all having the same problem.

It is bloody tough and I always feel my nt eldest comes at the bottom of the attention pile

I love some of these autocorrects .

I try to point out sometimes ds needs extra support/allowances but I also point out that he misses out on some of the things they enjoy/enjoyed at his age. However, memories are short and they have forgotten what they got at that age so even things I have done the same seem unfair to them!

It is a juggle though and not easy always to be fair. SEN aside, ds has been dragged around so many of his sister's activities, always had to do school/nursery runs, didn't get time on his own with just mummy but did have siblings from the word go and all their toys to play with. It is impossible to treat all dc identically.

Making allowances? That's frankly a bizarre and rather unkind way of looking at things.

I treat both of my boys according to their age (when appropriate for them), capabilities and disabilities. It would be ridiculous to encourage them in an activity that was too difficult for them, as they would gain nothing from it. Although we don't widely broadcast the fact that our 8yo still loves In The Night Garden - he has other interests which are a lot more age appropriate and helpful to him, socially.