School-Don't know what to do

[tiptoes]

Am having problems getting my ds 5 into school this morning.

In another thread I explained how my ds who has selective mutism was staying behind in reception away from his peers of last year and had been making progress.
Am in talks as I don't agree with the decision.The head is still adamant this is the right decision.

He went back on tuesday and I had to stay for an hour and then he was very distressed and clung to me and would,nt let go.Yesterday he was upset as well.Today he is very anxious and keeps saying he does'nt like school and he knows I will leave him there.
Have been in tears this morning and don'nt know what to do apart from drag him there.He has a new teacher and talking to her am not sure if she understands ds's SM.She said yesterday she was talking to him about why he does'nt like school and am not sure if ds is feeling pressured to talk.He had'nt talked in school for 9 months then after that with me going into school he had started to talk.Then they go and change his classmates and his confidence has gone where as before I had no problems getting him into school.

Anyone else been in this situation would be gratful for some advice,am feeling distraught and don't know what to do next.

Celia2 -I am not aware of an IEP.As I have said before I am not sure his new taecher knows much at all about SM and as ds's SALT said she went inti school with information that should have been shared with his new teacher.

His old class teacher and teaching assistants who ds formed a really good relationship with have all left or moved to other classes.But he still had the sercurity of his other peers he had started to talk to,he now has noone in this paticular placement.I was going into school for half an hour 3 days a week and he had started to talk.

I get the feeling from the new teacher that when we continue the sliding in she thinks it's as simple as continuing where we left out.

I am feeling really that I am not being heard.i say things to the head and teacher and try to explain but then they just disreguard it.

I have some literature from the SM website SMIRA which outlines some key points ,i will talke that with me on Tuesday.i just feelsurley the head and the teacher who have a SM child in school should be gathering literature for themselves and reading up on it.

The head makes me feel I a pestering her about this and I fear she thinks I am an over neurotic mother.I am just following up on advice from people who know more about SM than me and everyone I have spoken to from the SALT,to the LEA,parent partnership,child psychology unit,doctor,SMIRA ,all say this is the wrong decision for ds at this time.

Now I feel I would be failing as a mother and letting ds down if I did not pursue this.
If that means making a nuisance of myself at the school then so be it.

Meant to say thanks for your advice Celia2 ,it means a lot when you feel you are battling something alone.Just to hear other peoples views and realise that you are not going mad and over reacting is a big comfort.

Me again...
Agree completely with the suggestions of Celia2!! I think it's important to take notes of the things you want to discuss in the meeting, I always need to when sitting on the other side of the table!! It really sounds as though this school has little knowledge of SEN and what they should be putting into place for your ds esp if you've never seen an IEP. Definately take any information you have, especially letters from SALT/Paed etc, not to gloat as such ... just to back up your points. I understand that you and your hubby are probably at the end of your tether but i would recommend staying as cool and calm as possible You're right that they probably think you're a bit neurotic, overprotective parent... but it's really hard to maintain that opinion when faced with calm, focussed parents!!
I hope it all goes well, will be thinking of you on Tuesday. Can't wait to hear how you get on. GOOD LUCK!

Kiwikid-thanks a lot for your kind words of advice.

I will get myself orgainised for Tuesday and stay calm,cool and collective.

Just wanted to say i am overwhealmed by all the support I have on this thread and thank everyone for their advice and concerns.

I am busy getting together all my notes and letters and trying to stay focused.
DH is coming along this afternoon as well.this will be his first meeting with the school since all this happened so I am hoping he will stay calm as he is pretty annoyed at all this at the moment.it has obviously put a strain on our relationship as it is such an emotive subject and I need to get across to him that we need to stick together on this and agree on the best way forward with the school.

Cat64-I remember you were a great support to me previously and will take on board your advice as my head is all over the place this morning. So the points you have made are of great help.
I have highlighted valid points from the professionals letters and advice from the selective mutism website.
I also have written down my concerns for the future.

I get the impresion from the head that she wants to get this sorted today,so whether that means he stay in his current class and they will put in extra resourses remains to be seen.I am still adamant though that he should move up to year 1 with his peers of last year and not sure I am willing to carry on in the current class were it is obvious it is causing ds great distress.

Will let you know later in the day how I have got on,fingers crossed.

I have been following this tiptoes, and wish you very good luck for today. Have no useful advice for you unfortunately, but just wanted to say I have been thinking of you and your ds and hope you reach a satisfactory solution soon!!

Quick update.

Went to the meeting armed with a mass of notes and

The head announces that a place has become available in year 1 as another child has moved house and they would like to offer that place to ***.

Totally amazed and feeling a bit numb at the moment.
DH gave me a hug when we got home and said "well done I am really proud of you".
Not sure it had anything to do with me as a place became available.

Will update more later.

I am so pleased for you and your DS Tiptoes. I suspect the head knew they were in the wrong and realised you were not prepared to take it quietly!

Brilliant news!!

When does ds start back in y1? Tomorrow I hope???

Hi,back again.

DH and I have to sit down with DS tonight and explain that he is moving classes,back in with his old classmates.The head said we have to make it sound that this would be a good idea for him and not that he has got his own way so to speak.

They will take him across to the new classroom tomorow afternoon and explain to the children that *** will be joining them in this class from now on.

The head also thinks we should apply for a statement to get extra help with ds and that the new teacher will get some training on selective mutism.

Now we need to talk to ds and hope that tomorrow I will have no problems getting him to school once I tell him he will back in with his old friends.
Just praying that ds will accept this and be happy to go to school now.If not then that's my theroy blown out of the window.

Hooray, Hooray... Well Done you!!!! I'm so pleased for you all. .
Keep us posted as to how your ds gets on!! xx

Great news Tiptoes. Don't be so modest, it has EVERYTHING to do with you. A place came up, they happened to offer it to your DS and would have anyway..... yeah right!

hi posted this on the other thread as well,
Hi tiptoes,
I am glad it went well today, my dd is 5 and has started in year 1 so she is a similar age to your ds

I hope tomorrow goes well x

Excellent news. And well done - this would not have been sorted out without you doing so much fighting for your DS.

Thanks everyone ,am feeling like a huge weight has been lifted.

DH and I talked to DS this evening and explained about going to a new clas tomorrow with his old friends and he listened but did'nt really respond.
Am now feeling apprehensive about tomorrow and hoping ds will get ready for school and be happy with new arrangement.Only time will tell.

I will be interested to see if DS gets a statement as the head says it can sometimes be 6 months to wait for a decision but also knows of someone who got a statement for her dd in a month.
From what I understand from reading the threads on mumsnet a statement can be hard to come by.
So not sure if ds will be approved.

Thanks Cat64-i was thinking the same about DS as i knew this morning would be very unsettling for him.He semed a bit unsure this morning and got ready for school eventually and was chatting to me on the way to school.
When we got to school he was still a bit apprehensive and the teacher took him to see his new classroom from the outside.

The school were the ones who mentioned that we apply for a statement for DS and it's interesting you say that it might be processed faster if I apply rather than the school.

Would the school benefit frim ds being statmented as well as ds?Was just wondering why they brought it up.I probably would'nt have considered it as the SALT said ds probably would'nt need a statement with having selective mutism.

Well I picked ds from school and he was a different little boy.He kept running back in the clasroom with his old classmate.He even talked outside the classroomWe arranged for his friend to call for him in the morning on the way to school.

When we got home he was saying we need to be up early for school tomorrow as was walking to school with him tomorrow.

He has also been singing "kumbaya my lord" this afternoon all around the house.

I feel really emotional and hope that DS will be a lot happier from now on.