Aspergers or shy?

[FedupofTurkey]

What are aspergers traits?

My ds (11) is a quiet, sensitive boy.

He understands peoples feelings and isn't insensitive to people.

He's happy in his own company, gets on well with siblings though finds it difficult to make friends. he has a few friends but most of his peers are football mad and he doesn't like it so can get left out.

He can be silly/immature though will stop when I tell him.

He's a calm child, no tantrums.

I put all this down to normal boy behaviour, but someone said something that made me wonder.

Ds has Aspergers.
He is not shy ... He is withdrawn because he knows he is liable to read the situation wrong and also because he doesn't see a need to tell you stuff or have a conversation .

Shyness is very different to AS. It is normal not to want to be friends with those who are mad (obsessed!! Lol) about something you're not into. Small social circles are also normal.

What was said?
How does he do with general interaction? Conversations etc? Any need for routines or his own non football interests that are above and beyond that of other 11 year olds?

Thanks missblue. A friend suggested he may have low aspergers. She sees him as withdrawn - as if his siblings and the estate kids are playing football he prefers to be on his pc/ps. However if they are playing something else, like tag, hide and seek, he will happily play. Though he struggles to join in in a group situation but will play happily if asked to join in.

With regards routines, he likes to know whats happening, but not obsessively. In fact he 's quite chilled and not a lot bothers him. He coped fine with change in plans, though can be grumpy/sulky if its a change not to his liking!

Conversationwise - he talks well, can speak to peers/adults fine. I've not noticed anything there.

He can be silly and annoying at times - but stops when i tell him. I thought this was just immaturity and he'll grow out of it.

He can be loving, still wanting a cuddle.

He isn't bothered what other people do, he's happy to go his own way.

To me, I think he's just different to my friends boys - they've been brought up jn a male environment and are very ladlike and pushy to some extent and 'sheeplike'. Whereas my ds has been brought up in a female environment and is quiet and caring and not following the crowd.

What should I be looking for?

However, its bothered me what my friend said and I'm concerned he doesn't interact maybe as much as he should.

Don't look for anything . I think if it was going to be a problem it would probably have been one by now
I'm struggling to see anything unusual in that list
Does he have problems at school.. Or is he bullied or left out of friendships ? Is their any behaviour that he does that causes a real problem in any area of his life?
He sounds like a lovely chap tbh...lots of the 11 year old boys in my daughters class are very silly and immature. A couple are nearer to puberty and have tempered the silliness a bit ( but not much!)
By 11 my ds ( who is now 17 and has Aspergers) stuck out like a sore thumb compared to his peers . For what it's worth I knew from three years old that he wasn't Neurotypical .
In contrast to your ds.. My ds had no concept of what a person was feeling or might say or do. He could not read people at all.
He does not struggle to make friends because he sees no need for them.
Do some reading up if you feel the need... But I would say trust your gut

When I am not on maternity leave I assess children for AS. I can't say anything for definite but I agree with the above post that nothing stands out as AS. People often refer to traits or low level but if someone has AS it really affects all their functioning and there is nothing low level about it. You would expect to see difficulties in non verbal communication ( gestures, eye contact etc), verbal communication (turn taking, reciprocal conversations) modifying behaviour in social contexts (eg public places) and forming and maintaining social relationships. Alongside this there can be interests that are all consuming, difficulties with changes in routine, sensory problems (over or under sensitive to sound, touch, taste etc). Not all children display all symptoms and it can present very different in each child.

Hope that helps x

He just sounds a little introverted to me. While many people thrive on other people's company, others find it exhausting and prefer their own company.

If he's not having any difficulties with day to day life, then there's no need to look for anything.

Thanks trout/missblue/ouvre

He's not deliberately excluded or bullied, he's left out down to different interests - football/sports generally. He goes to a small school with not many boys and the majority of them play football each break. He has a couple of friends with similar interests - unfortunately, it seems everytime he forms a good relationship that person leaves and he has to find someone else.

He has no problem with eye contact, verbal communication - taking turns.

I see myself in him when I was a kid. I was quiet, had a few close friends and struggled in groups - still do.

I'm proud that he doesn't follow the crowd and is happy to do his own thing, I just worry after that comment, and am concerned he settles into secondary in Sept, don't want him bullied for being a bit different.

Autisitic traits are shared by a lot of the population but as Polter explained having autism is a whole different ball game. If he is happy in himself and his nature doesn't disturb anybody else's life (i.e. yours, siblings, classmates….), then you have no need to seek any kind of help for him and so there is no reason for you to look into an assessment. If one day he has issues which mean that you need to seek outside help, then they will look at his nature in more details and draw the appropriate conclusions.

My brother was quite introverted as a child. Well, you couldn't meet a more rounded outgoing guy now. Some people are shy, and some do get more confident as in his case.

DS1 however, could be seen as shy and some people say that's it. However there is lots more to his behaviours. eating difficulties, OCD, SPD with severe clothing difficulties etc etc.

If I were you I'd read the Tony Attwood books to give yourself a bit of info. But if school don't see a problem AND you and your son are happy with life then it may be just shyness.

Good luck