I've asked for help, but i'm nervous

[elliejjtiny]

I've got 5 dc, aged nearly 8, 6, 3, 1 and newborn. DC2 has hypermobility and mild sensory issues. DC4 has cleft palate, hydrocephalus and development delay. Others are healthy. I'm recovering from C-section, birth trauma and pnd. DC2 and DC4 both get DLA. I can't drive because I have dyspraxia. DC's 1 and 2 go to our nearest school 1.5 miles away. DH takes them in the morning and I collect them in the afternoon on the bus.

DC2 uses a wheelchair part time, is mostly ok as long as he doesn't have to walk further than a couple of minutes down the road, go anywhere loud or go anywhere medical (dr or hospital) or spend time with children who are younger than him but more able (this includes DC3). So basically he is mostly hard work while sometimes being easier.

DC4 is developmentally similar to a 2-3 month old but the size of a 12 month old. He's happy but hard work and he struggles with feeding etc. He has a lot of appointments which means DC3 hasn't started going to preschool yet and goes to a special needs toddler group 7 miles away. DH's granddad gives us a lift to this but isn't that reliable as he often goes on holiday.

I've asked for a carers assessment. I don't know what would be helpful tbh and I'm nervous about opening a can of worms and getting judged by a social worker. I keep thinking they'll come in and see DC4 lying there grinning and flapping his arms around and DC2 sat playing happily and think I'm just being pathetic. Mind you I don't want them to see DC2 on a bad day either. Any advice from people who have done this?

PS DC's 4 and 5 were conceived while I was on the pill, dh has been snipped and I've got an appointment to discuss depo/coil with the GP. Can you tell I'm worried about being judged for having 5 DC as well

I have no real advice as we were turned down without being seen when we asked for help. However I want to say that you should not feel like you are doing wr

Sorry!

...you are not doing wrong by asking for help. I have 4 children, all very close together in age - and planned that way - but it does mean it comes with it's own difficulties. I do need help, it took me a long time to say it as I felt embarrassed and so so guilty. But there we are. In my heart I know anyone else in the same position would need help. It isn't a failing.

And gosh, you have a lotn

Urghh!!

You have so much on your plate. I think the key is to make sure you make it clear to them how it can be on a bad day. I think it is built in to us somehow that we put on a brave face, but in this situation, where they have limited budgets and you really do need a bit of extra help, you need to really make sure they understand what you need.

Good luck x

I have three kids and expecting a fourth. Just found one there is dodgy gene so two kids have sn with possibly a third sn kid being born soon! I planned my family but sn wasn't part of my plan - who can possibly plan for that! Don't feel guilty - you don't have to defend your family size to anyone

You're absolutely right to ask for help, and I would think the medical evidence will be enough on its own. You should ask for core assessments for DCs 2 and 4 as well.

Thanks everyone. We were turned down last year as DS2 was having a good moment and the SW wasn't interested in DS4 as he was only about 5 months old at the time. She just raised her eyebrow at me and said "we usually deal with children who have complex needs, you know".