School really dont seem to be communicating with professionals, im fuming!

[claw2]

Last week, I had email from OT saying that she had spoken to CT and TA and ds eats 'small meals'. Next day CT confirmed to me that ds has never eaten in school.

Latest I receive an email from OT telling me ds had told her he was having 'suicidal thoughts' and was feeling sad after a 'disagreement' with me. TA was also in the session and he told her that ds had never expressed these feelings to him before.

My reply was maybe a bit short. I explained the 'disagreement' was the same one we have every morning ie ds doesn't want to go to school, tells me I am 'sending him to hell' and that i have reported this to school numerous times, both verbally and via email, had meetings etc, etc. Gave the date of my last email when ds wasn't able to attend due to stress. Also that ds HAD reported to TA suicidal thoughts and gave the date that TA emailed me telling so. Also told her that ds was sent home last term numerous times due to becoming too distressed to be in school etc, etc.

Anyhow SENCO has replied to my email with a really pissy email "Thank you for informing us of ds’s angst at the moment. Thank you also for reiterating the points which we are all aware of and discussed at length at our Annual Review and subsequent meetings.

The staff are duly concerned for ds and it is important that this dialogue continues to enable us collectively to help ds through this difficult time and his misconceptions of what is happening around him. His perceptions are confused and we will monitor him closely at school as agreed"

I am getting really wound up, help me to calm down please

You know that rather irritating sentence by sentence quoting that certain posters do a lot of on forums when they're really into debating? I think you probably need to start doing that in your replies to emails, as the poeple you're dealing with seem to be stuck on whatever version of events is in their heads at one particular moment, even with evidence to the contrary there in front of them.

Oh my email was more detailed than above, i had just summarised the main points.

There just seems to be no communication between professionals and school staff. Ds has a counsellor, SALT and OT who all work in school, yet they contact me and really don't seem aware of the facts.

Im not even sure if it is bad communication. Take ds's eating for example OT reported to me in writing that both she and CT had observed ds eating small meals regularly.

Next day i saw ds's CT and asked her outright and she said she has never observed ds eating a small meal and he only eats a small amount of dry bread or nothing at all.

I emailed the OT and told her this. Why would OT report to me that both her and CT had observed ds eating small meals, if firstly CT had not reported that to her and secondly OT could not have observed it regularly as it didn't happen?

Same as 'suicidal thoughts'. OT reported to me that TA sat in on session and reported to her that ds had never expressed suicidal thoughts to him before. When he has emailed me on a few occasions telling me that ds had expressed suicidal thoughts to him.

How does this happen?

I have been very kind with my words in reply to SENCO's pissy email.

I replied that i very grateful and impressed with the level of support and effort ds receives from school (they are paying for SALT, OT, counsellor from their own budget)

Stated that I appreciate that it can be very difficult for everyone concerned to know how ds is feeling as he can present very differently in the school/home setting and this is very common for children with ASD to bottle it up or hold it together in the school environment and to then let out their feelings at home. (again i am not backing them into a corner and giving them a way out)

Stated that previously I kept a brief diary of what ds reported at home (including any positives) with regards to school, in a bid to find triggers and create a better understanding of the things ds found both difficult and rewarding and emailed to school on a weekly basis.

and asked for the second time if this would be helpful.

They seem very reluctant for me to do this and are just ignoring my offer.

Round and round and round in circles we go.

Email from counsellor now telling me that ds has told her I am angry and upset with him and she tells me this is having an impact on how he feels. Yet when he says that staff bully him on daily basis, its ds with the problem and no grasp on reality.

We have been over this a hundred times now. It is ds's difficulties ie his confusion/understanding of angry, upset and emotions/feelings and motivations of others etc, that are having an impact on how he is feeling, not me or staff.

Ds is very good at expressing his feelings, however he has no grasp on how others might be feeling or why they do what they do.

When I asked ds why he feels I am angry and upset with him, the reason because I send him to school when he tells me he doesn't want to go.

Your school sounds like the one I have to deal with.

We have the same going round in circles and nothing ever gets done, except us having conversations as to why X, Y and Z still hasn't been done ("because we have the other children to consider").

The school spends most of its time trying to get itself out of giving any concrete help. Give me strength!