Teen girl with Aspergers Syndrom

[Solly2408]

Hi
my daughter is 13. She has been bullied at school since she started in year 7 and has some learning difficulties i.e. memory processing, she forgets a lot (forgets books at school that she needs for revision or homework...etc), always complains that she is slower than the other girls in her learning, she finds it very difficult to concentrate. She is teased at school for asking the teacher to repeat something she didn't hear or understand. She works for 10 or 15 minutes and wants to have a long break. She finds it difficult to make friends/keeping friends. Despite her difficulties she has been doing well at school (she goes to a small private school). She was assessed by and educational psychologist who confirmed that she had a memory issue and her speed of writing is a bit slower than average but thought that she didn't have ADHD or autism. She was seen by CAMHS last year. They said that she didn't have ADHD or Aspergers...etc but she only had some difficulties with organisation and making friends and suggested that she should use a laptop at school, get homework in writing and asked me to help her with friendships (organising day out with the very few friends she had) but things just got worse this year after Feb half term. She was depressed, crying and saying that she had enough of school and life and that she hated school and missed school on few occasions. She was doing very well in the first term but after half term she is no longer interested in her school work. She sometimes doesn't do her homework and hardly revised for her end of year exam. She says that she doesn't like school and doing the work. she is very difficult at home. She gets angry and aggressive very quickly with me and my husband (she is an only child)
The school suggested we see a psychologist that the school uses. The psychologist observed her at school and had a meeting with her. She suspects that she has Aspergers Syndrom and that she needs to be assessed. She sent a report to CAMHS suggesting that they assess her for for autism but CAMHS are very slow. We waited for months to see a Social Worker who didn't even read the private psychologist report before the meeting and said that she was not sure they would assess her for Autism. I am thinking of doing it privately to get to the bottom of the problem as we have to decide whether to change schools or not. Has anyone done an assessment privately and could you recommend someone who has interest in Aspergers/ The psychologist that was recommended by the school suggested to do it for £1500 which is quite a lot and I want it to be done by someone who has no relationship with the school so I could get an objective conclusion. Please help if you have gone through the same experience. Sorry my message is too long but I had to explain the situation so you understand where I am coming from. Many thanks for your advice

If it were me I would really leave her and let her come to you...I would be reacting the very same as you solly-its only the benefit of hindsight has me talking like I have all the answers.I would cut her some slack and see what happens and concentrate on getting her assessed.At least then you will know (a) if she actually has a condition and (b) you will also find out if taking this softly softly approach works well with her.You should then be in a much better place come September as regards what direction you are going in iyswim?Far better she misses odd days at school at this time of year rather than September really.
It is really hard though ..I know well as I am struggling terribly with dd and social anxiety at the moment and I have to bite my tongue continually to try and be very gentle with her,when in reality I feel like yelling...

Solly2408 I have a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome and there is a few of us talking on a thread in SENchat. What we tend to find is that socialising (even if some of us can actually appear to enjoy it and be pretty good at it) tend to leave us exhausted and/or very anxious (we have come to call it "social hangover"). One of the ways of recovering is to withdraw (hence the not talking to you) or be completely on our own. If it is any consolation it actually means that she can relax at home/not have to put up a front. One way to connect with her might be to share her interest rather than talk about how she feels (a lot of us hate that too!). Also when she socialises with friends might be best to do it around an activity she enjoys and is relaxing to her so the sole purpose of the meeting is not chatting: e.g drink coffee and chatting is very stressful to me or Shopping trips on a busy days are a sensory nightmare and can be very stressful too: they make me feel physically ill so I prefer going for a run with a friend . Hope this helps.

Hi Mollyweasley
thanks for the advice. Any piece of advice is helpful. this is all new to me. It's like dealing with another person not my daughter. With adolescence, she changed all of a sudden. She wants to be in control and not listen to anyone. She not happy in her current school and doesn't want to change it. She went for a taster day at a school which is not as academic as her school but has very good pastoral care. She said that if she goes to that school the girls would think she is geek. She is so worried about what the girls would think of her, whether they will be nice to her or not...etc but she doesn't want to take the risk of changing. She hates her school and has recently missed school a lot. Thanks

It is really interesting to hear things from your perspective molly.Its funny,dd went to town yesterday with a friend (which is a very rare occurance) and went to bed really early as she said she felt exhausted.I wondered if it was the stress of the few hours out socialising...looks like it was indeed.