Struggling DS and anxiety with ASD

[Peppapigisnotmyname]

Hi all,

My DS is 9. He has high functioning ASD, he's in ms school with 20 hrs 1:1 support each week. He's always been anxious but his anxiety is mainly related to school.

This week, school have been doing some fundraising events. It's really freaked my DS out, I didn't see it coming as the same thing happened last year and he loved it. He's been in tears every morning. On Wednesday evening he's was so distressed - racing heart, shallow breathing, diarreah. I took him to my GP on Thursday who was useless, said yes it's was anxiety/ panic attack but offered no other help. Managed to get him back into school yesterday lunchtime, crying and screaming. Thankfully he came out ok.

I'm so concerned about his anxiety level. School aren't very sympathetic, quite strict and unbending. They of course, are always right. I have next to no communication with his teacher. We have his annual statement review coming up - where do I start? His class is to be changed again, he is split from his friends, has been for the last two years, now he's has no friends at all. I don't know what to do next. School and gps attitude is pretty much 'deal with it!' :(

It's a really bad time of year in terms of going off the timetable at school plus ime nine is the age that anxiety issues really start to develop as the social gap between children with HFA and their peers widens.

How good is his 1:1 support worker? - can she keep the routine going for him whilst others are doing the susposedly "fun" stuff. Is he being given lots of advance warning of the disruptions?

If you feel school are too rigid are there any others in the area that are more inclusive? I am assuming he has two years left at primary so would be worth it I think.

Is he under CAMHS already - they may be able to offer CBT type stuff (if he isn't too anxious to access it) or medication to dampen the anxiety. The latter was a disaster for ds2 but does help some children.

It does sound like he needs more support put into his statement and I would try and use the annual review to get this.

Hi Peppa, sorry you are going through this. I can't add much as my DS is 4 years old and just about to start primary school and we are also worried about his anxiety issues (also high-functioning ASD).

Why do schools have to be so inflexible?! Could you make a list with your son as to what are the things that would make him feel more secure, e.g. you mention being with his old friends. Could you present it as what your son has said HIMSELF that he needs. Not sure they would listen though if they are so unhelpful.

What I would say is to try and find a better GP if you can. I used to have a super GP until I moved home. She was just so understanding and actually LISTENED and tried to help. Also didn't rush you no matter how busy she was. We have just moved home and my current GP is not that good (always rushed and usually in a bad mood!) So I am looking for a new GP but quite honestly I have enough to do with my DS starting school in Sept and trying to get things in place for that. However I know from experience that having a GP on your side can help, even if its just the moral support of knowing there is someone you can talk to who understands what ASD is and how it might be effecting your family.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this, it sounds awful

I agree with one about looking for another school. If they are moving him from his friends anyway then you dont have much to lose except his TA but he would have to have another one.

There are some good inclusive schools out there. Are there any support groups in your area? There is nothing better than asking parents of children with special needs which schools are understanding inclusion and which ones arent.

It doesnt always work and sometimes our children simply cant cope in mainstream and there is some specialist provision for more able children with Asd.

Good luck

School's attitude is dreadful; that's a battle that you shouldn't have to fight. You'll have to decide if you want to put your energy into DS or fighting with them re valuing and supporting every child equally.

My DS is a similar age and similar issues...he becomes very very rigid when anxious; so less of the melt-downs and more inflexible. Very difficult to deal with.
It is better since I recognised that it is fear on his part. I use mindfulness aimed at children and the difference has been phenomenal; he can hear that scary things happen, and he can understand that the scared feeling isn't going to win. I really recommend it.