Havent been on for a while, can i have a rant here please!

[claw2]

So pissed off with school, they seem to keep doing a U-turn.

Ds went to see dietician during the holidays, anyhow he told her he doesn't eat in school. The reason why, he cannot eat around other peoples food. IF he does manage to eat its a small amount of dry bread. I thought school and I had already established this.

Ds told the dietician he would be able to eat in school if he had could eat on his own away from everyone else. Dietician asked ds would he prefer food from home and he said yes. So Dietician said she would email school OT and get this sorted. She said to start with only on Mondays while OT was there to supervise.

So this morning I sent ds with a croissant and an apple juice. Emailed OT, saying I wasn't sure if Dietician had contacted her yet and I wasn't sure if the 'plan' would start this Monday, so I had packed a lunch today just in case and hoped this was ok.

Anyhow OT emails me back stating that she has consistently observed ds eating small meals at school and he basically has no problems sitting with peers and eating.

I KNOW this isn't the case, he DOESNT eat meals. He has NEVER eaten a meal in his entire life, at home or at school. IF he eats in school, he eats dry bread. We have established this time and time again.

I am tired and fed up with this constant up hill struggle.

Dear OT

Thank you so much for taking the trouble to email me with this update. I am a bit worried you might have ds mixed up with another dc. If it's him, I am surprised and delighted: to the best of my knowledge DShad previously never eaten a meal.... [continue extract from your post] and before had only managed... [bit dry bread etc]

Do you know exactly when this change took place? We need to ensure this apparent sudden big step forward is maintained & generalised: perhaps a detailed observation by the dietician would be helpful. Or could a video observation be done? We should imitate whatever you are using and see if using the same techniques lets us build on this new success at home.

Big hugs and
Claw

Rant away. We are having similar issues only drink not food. Despite being assured ds2 is drinking he is coming home with untouched drink cartons and consequent foul mood. I really don't understand why they say things happen that obviously do not - makes you wonder if anything they say is correct.

How is your Mum doing at the moment - I am sure you don't need this battle on top of everything else.

I replied to the email, I was under the impression that ds is only eating a small amount of dry bread or nothing at all as this is what ds and school report. I will leave it with you and not send lunch. Copied in the dietician, CT, TA etc. IF she replies I will fake surprise at 'small meals' and ask what they consist of and when ds started eating them.

oneineight my mum is still going, although the hospice have asked us to now make alternative arrangements ie home or nursing home. So we are going for 'hospice at home' ie my home, so will be making those arrangements. Thanks for asking.

Just before half term I had an email from CT stating that school don't see the same level of anxiety I describe (with regard to behaviour) and that ds is happy and smiling and I need to acknowledge progress.

Although literally a week before he was excluded for threatening to stab other children and I was called to go and pick him up several times as they couldn't cope with his meltdowns and distress.

Seems school report it to me and its FACT. However if I dare to mention anything related to what they report to me, I am being negative and need to focus on progress!

Now the eating thing, the tone of the email is leave it to us and stop involving yourself.

Today is sports day at a local park. I was told that ds would be excluded UNLESS I meet them at the park, in case he cannot cope and needs to be taken home........yeah leave it to you!!

Claw, do these 'come and pick him up' things come by phone? Seems a shame that yours works so well, even at the hospice .

Some people can't pick up mobile calls for whatever reason. Have to be contacted by text or email.

Dear CT
Am very worried to hear ds is happy and smiling given his granny is so ill. Thanks for letting me know, i will be talking to the hospice nurse about it as it really doesn't seem a healthy reaction you insensitive birdbrain

Claw it is report writing season, perhaps the CT feels she needs to show she's achieved something this year she can put on the report. DS last school always exaggerated his grades in July (when they bothered to give him any) to show what a good job CT had done with him.

Meir yes always by phone, however I always follow it up in writing, so I have a record of it.

Well today at sports day, children were allowed to bring extra snacks and drinks, although the school provided them with sandwiches. So when I arrived I was meet by ds's CT and TA. Told CT I had brought with me enough biscuits etc for the whole class.

Anyhow CT says 'oh I did bring ds's usual dry bread, I doubt he will eat it, but just in case'. She then told me she had seen my email and was confuse by OT's response as all ds has ever eaten is dry bread and often doesn't eat at all. She thought the idea of sending him with a lunch was a good idea and letting him eat separate was a good idea!

Then ds got upset as expected, when he was expected to take part and I had to bring him home.

Am I going mad!!

I previous emailed OT stating I had packed a lunch etc and stated I hope this is ok, please let me know if i can pack a lunch on a daily basis or just on Mondays when she is there to supervise, observe etc, etc

Her reply "I have spoken with CT and TA about ensuring that ds eats well at school. ds's eating needs can easily be accommodated at school and I understand that various support has already been provided.

Myself and CT have consistently observed ds eating small meals at school and sitting smiling next to peers but we are committed to dealing with any further issues that arise around eating at school. On two occasions in the week before the end of term whilst he was eating in the canteen, I asked ds where he was on his scale of feelings 0 = worst and 10 = best and he replied "6" and "7", with big smiles and good eye contact.

I will discuss the issues with him further and together with staff we will find the optimal way forward"

Have I read that wrong or she is saying no don't send a lunch, he is eating 'small meals' and is happy to the sit in the canteen?

Sounds like the normal bull tripe. They need to all sit around a table with you and cobble together a coherent story.

I am just so pissed off, that we have found a brill dietician, who is prepared to work alongside school/OT to enable ds to eat in school. She really knows her stuff and isn't suggesting like previous dietician years ago to 'just be more strict' or 'he will eat when he is hungry' etc.

Ds has confided in her that he finds it very difficult to even talk about food and eating. He has told her he doesn't eat in school and the reason why. He was very clear about what he thought would help him.

Then OT has basically said that ds is lying. What was the bloody point of involving the dietician in the first place, if ds doesn't have a problem and how can she be expected to help or work with anyone if they cannot even get the facts straights.

I replied last night to OT email stating that there appeared to be some confusion about what ds eats and I had spoken with CT and she had confirmed that ds has only ever eaten dry bread, if anything at all. I also stated that is not a new issue and has been going for years and I am happy to follow any plan that school might have, however I am confused as to what the plan actually is and should I send lunch or not!

She has replied yes she agrees there is confusion and she will discuss with staff again and that she did suggest keeping a log of what ds eats and drinks.

Why does she seem so resultant to follow dietician's plan? its not a complicated or time consuming plan for god sake.

What is the point of keeping a log of what ds eats (without him having a packed lunch), we have established that ds eats dry bread or nothing at all and that is all he has ever eaten in school?

CT sounds sensible.

OT may see sense after a week or two of CT logging:
Monday 2 bites dry bread
Tuesday 1 bite dry bread (small)
Wednesday 2 bites dry bread.
Thursday Big progress. 1 bite + looked at a crumb of my rich tea biscuit
Friday 3 bites dry bread. Woo-hoo. see you next week Mrs Claw

CT may even be able to accurately fill in last week's from memory, if you get to her first think monday morning before OT does