New to all this ... Rant

[MrsBDarling]

Hello,
I am kind of new :) and looking for a little advice.

On suggestion of our head teacher, my 8 yr old son has just had his 1st apt. at a children centre for diagnosis of aspergers. We have been asked to go back for a full assessment and attend parenting classes for children with 'able autism' from research it seems diagnosis does not automatically entitle your child to any the help.

This really worries me, the head has said he will support us, but knows the lady and knows the council and she will be very surprised if they agree to look at my son.

He has been attending a small prep school since reception but due to personal changes I am not sure how long I can keep paying the fees. The school is known locally for its pastoral care and has many kids with mild learning issues, I feel they lack in teaching him, but he loves school and I know moving him is going to be hell. He has had the same routine, building, kids, teacher etc since he started and I fear the move will break him.

Due to his lack of bad behavior at school, I do not think we will get a statement, In school he is very able, well behaved-ish and despite being being a little-know-it-all and very boastful his 'friend' have their own issues and and accept him for who he is.

he saves the true hell for home, where the melt downs, tantrums and ever present moaning if asked to do anything but his hobbies has me near breaking point, this includes washing, eating, homework, interacting with other members of our family, his favourite thing ever is to correct me on everything, as parent with learning issues myself, this is a massive strain, I understand he needs order and I am the most dis-ordered person I know. I think school has been his haven.

What came out at the assessment meeting was how high his a levels are and and how boarded he is at school, they wanted to know which enrichment programmes he was on, and how I keep him entertained, which has become increasingly difficult As he gets older and surpasses my own knowledge on many things.

After all this ranting (thanks if you stayed with me) I am just at a lost, I put him into the best school I can, which he may have to leave, I don't want him to have to fail before he gets any help, but everyone keeps telling me he is too 'able' for help.

I don't know what to do.

Thanks

I dont know much about the independent sector to be honest but I do know that there are lots of us on here who have been told their child will never get a statement but many have and many more are being assessed as we speak because their parrents didnt take no for an answer.

I think you should start by looking at the IPSEA website and maybe phoning them for advice.

Keep a diary of the difficulties that he has and of his behaviour at home while you are waiting for appointments.

Keep coming on here for advice and support, asking specific questions will get you answers from very knowledgable people.

Good luck

Thank you 'indeedmorepatience' for your reply and advice, I am looking at the IPSEA web now and will call on Monday.

This site has been invaluable, and am reading all I can. I do not want to take no as an answer :( but a little worried of what that will mean.

X

just wanted to say hi and to echo what ineed has said - I have 2 asd boys who are both statemented and also am going through it with my daughter who again we were told would never get a statement but after a tribunal the LA have been ordered to assess her. there are so many parents on here who have been where you have been - yours is slightly different to most as he is already in an independent school but im sure there will be other parents who will pop by who have also been in this same situation.

hi, I agree with the others. Keep going step by step and you'll get there.

Do they know that you're struggling with the fees? A statement is the gateway to funding, and in some cases the LEA have to fund a place at an appropriate school, which may be a private school.

There are other avenues that you can explore, there are charities which help families in need keep a child at an independent school. The Buttle trust do this. Although they say they fund boarding places, they also fund day places if there's a need for the child to stay in the family home. www.buttleuk.org There's no harm in asking

Hope this helps.

Thank you all for your comments and replays, it really helps.

I do think he has grounds for a stamenet so will make applying my 1st step! Thanks zzzzz, sometimes its good to be reminded not everything needs to be tackled at once. Also very positive to hear yours are doing well at state. Can I ask what prompted the move?

BKJ: glad for your boys and good luck with your daughter, am still a little unsure of what applies but hope to learn more.

Hi 'Lady' thank you for the link :) Maybe not right for now as funding is from 11yrs+ not sure we would meet the criteria but will be ringing to find out 1st thing tomorrow. Weirdly son would love to board, has no emotions towards being away from me for long periods of time at all.

The school dose know about our issues and have been very helpful, but that only goes so far. I had heard the LEA could fund places, but from my limited reading it sounds like a massive fight especially when the child's is passive and able :(

IIRC they can also support children who are younger or can point you in the direction of further help, so please do ask them.

My son's dyspraxic and has social skills issues, I have to pay fees for him as he's not severe enough for a statement but he wouldn't get the support that he needs in a state school (small classes, small building etc). The state schools here are huge!

Thanks again for the replies.
Really good to hear others have been in same /similar situations.

Zzzzz- really glad to hear your are flowering at state, maybe not as bad and scary as the 'school gate mums' like to make it sound...

And Lady, really thank you so much for the link. They are 1st on my call list for advice tomorrow. I fear we may end up in that same little group as yourselves. Not severe enough, but still in need of support.

Any how, this weekend has just let me set my mind and I am prepared to fight for him as much as I can, even if it looks impossible.

Xx