Changing room policy

[twainiac]

My DS attends swimming lessons at a private gym, of which we are members. Their changing room policy states that children over 8 years old are not allowed in the changing room of the opposite sex.
Up to now this rule has not been enforced.
The gym does not provide family changing rooms or disabled changing rooms.
My DS is (just) 8 and diagnosed with social communication disorder and autistic traits. I am not happy about him having to go into the male changing room without an adult to assist him. (Neither are the parents of the other, NT, boys about their sons) I am worried about him being exposed to inappropriate language from the guys who have no kids (nothing untoward, just general bloke behaviour!) and also his own behaviour and ability to get changed and organise his stuff. To be fair I don't think he would have any more problems than the other boys, and really think 8 is too young to be enforcing this policy.
Does anyone know, does the gym have a duty of care to provide changing facilities for children and disabled? So far, they have told others if they don't like it they can leave!
Thanks for any advice!

I have a feeling that even when I was a child in the 1980s there was a rule at our local swimming pool that said the same. If they don't have any family or disabled changing rooms then I think you are a bit stuck. I don't see that they can be made to have family changing rooms and I would expect the disabled provision requirements will be about physical accessibility issues such as one level, space and so on rather than a separate changing area. I can see your point but to be fair from the other side of things I wouldn't be too keen on having boys of 8 or 9 in the girls/ladies changing rooms even if they are accompanied by their mothers.

This comes up regularly here and it always makes me . In Glasgow, it's very common for 8 year olds (with no additional needs) to go to the swimming pool alone. I don't for one minute imagine that our 8 year olds are way more mature than others elsewhere in the UK, so I don't see why people expect to change with that age of children.

It's not fair for girls going through puberty (or otherwise) to have boys in the changing room, or vice versa.

OP, your situation is different as your DS has a disability, but I still don't think he should be in the ladies changing room. I would ask them to comply with The Equality Act and provide a private room as reasonable adjustment.

Has this thread been moved from AIBU?

It's absolutely right that they have to make a reasonable adjustment for your son. He has as much right to enjoy the pool as anyone else and making adjustments is categorically NOT only about physical disabilities.

My son is 7 and it is unlikely he will ever be able to go in to the men's changing room on his own and get himself dressed or undressed. Luckily at the pool we go to there is a private room we can use if DH is not there to take him to the men's when he turns 8 but if there wasn't then I would expect some provision to be made. No way would he stop the swimming that he loves.

I hardly think that makes me entitled!

Ironically my ds has the mental age of a 3 year old and couldn't care less who is naked around him. But I have a 10 year old dd so can appreciate the need to keep boys and girls separate after a certain age.

And what about children with physical disabilities??

Are they meant to only go swimming when they have a same sex parent available to change them!!

My local pool has had the sense to put some unisex changing cubicles on the pool side. So that families with and without children with special needs can can get changed in peace without the moaning brigade having a go at them

Ds has 1:1 swim lessons at a gym and we have the same issue he is getting too old for the ladies but too vulnerable for men's and couldn't be relied on to properly dry himself, dress himself, come out with all his stuff. The gym has no disabled changing but has offered us use of a therapy room. If there is genuinely nowhere then you will have to look for new gym. Disability adjustments only relate to public sector so would not get this at council run gym / pool.

Agnes has put it better than me - what I was meaning was that the disability requirements for a private gym are probably much more basic than for a public swimming pool if that makes sense. I wasn't saying that disabled people needing someone to help them have no right to that but I was pointing out it was inappropriate to have boys over a certain age under whatever circumstances in the ladies changing rooms.

I don't think boys over 8 should be in the ladies, disabled or not, girls going through puberty need their privacy and some grown ladies will have body issues that make single sex open changing room a cringing embarrassment. I am now starting to feel uncomfortable about my dh taking my dd into the men's so it works both ways! I think most men are considerate when children are around and male nudity should be no more of an issue for a boy than female nudity for a girl. But I do get where you are coming from especially when we hear so much about abuse as they seem too vulnerable to be changing on their own. As far as disability though I think there should be a private unisex changing room for this as otherwise people wouldn't be able to access swimming without a same sex carer.

What gym is it? You should name and shame! We use to belong to David Lloyd and there were two excellent family changing rooms with showers in too to get round this issue.

Agnes, equality act and reasonable adjustments apply to private gyms, too, I think. There are some exceptions for very small private clubs, and some exceptions for rave and gender, but my understanding is that a private gym WOULD have to make reasonable adjustments.

Thanks for your opinions and advice.........

To clarify, he is capable of dressing and undressing and managing his things, however he is not too good on knowing what is appropriate and what isn't. This is what worries me, he could be running around naked, playing silly games. Equally he could sit gawping at others as they strut around (and according to OH the guys do let it all hang out!) is that typical of an 8 year old?

He loves his lessons and his teacher and is a great swimmer, I'm wary of messing things up. However, I am worried about him changing in the men's. Am thinking now I might be able to change him poolside, under a towel of course!

It is a Nuffiield gym...... Might just ask them what adjustments they could make.

My son changed in the men's from aged eight, but no-one else seems to abide by the rules.

I work in the local area (with NT and SEN children) and now feel awkward changing myself as there are so many older boys in the women's changing rooms. I want a swim too and don't feel that comfortable showering, etc, in front of my own 11-year-old boy pupils!

I should add, there is a very large family changing area at my pool with plenty of cubicles, so why all these mums bring their older boys into the women's, I cannot fathom.

Anyway, all that aside, a vulnerable or disabled child needs suitable provision. I really think your pool should be providing something. Do they have disabled toilets anywhere which would be big enough to change in?