Oh god, just sent an arsey email and now (slightly) regretting it...

[AlarmOnSnooze]

I have just sent a particularly stripy email to dd2's school regarding her swimming lessons.

Background info: dd2 is a gibbering petrified wreck at school swimming lessons, despite being happy to splash about in a pool outside of school (she can't swim, but happy to bob around). Despite many many meetings, school still insist she can't be differentiated for, and her swimming teacher just sent me an email suggesting I take her swimming more, or enrol her in private lessons.

I have sent a blistering email back outling the many reasons I won't be doing either of those things, but will continue to support wherever I can.

I NEVER send emails like that. I don't know what came over me, and I now feel guilty for unleashing a lot of frustration which has built up over years re: school swimming on the current teacher who has only had dd 2 for 2 terms...

I already had the reputation for beig neurotic ( pre dd2's dx) - I'm now going to be known as one of those mothers too, aren't i?

Ahem, that's a stroppy email, not a stripy one (although visual distraction might have been a good thing, and saved the teacher from the roasting contained therein...)

I did stop short of that just about

I just hate being stroppy. However, I hate the suggestion that I could be doing more ( teachers solution was for me to take dd 2 swimming more often) when I have been trying to find solutions for the school for years (and we don't see the behaviours at home, so can't really work on them - they see terrified clingy child unable to get into the pool independently, I see loud laughing child hurling herself down slides ) instead of actually listening to me and s

...solving the problems that they have created.

I really feel for you alarm Dd3 is completely different at school and they regularly attempt to correct my obvious parenting fails

It makes me see red, I have learned gradually to sit on emails over night, although I sent one to the senco a couple of weeks ago that I had sat on for 2 weeks and it has still caused a riot .

Try not to worry I am sure you only said sensible things

If I sit on emails overnight I don't send them and seethe inwardly and mutter lots instead

The only solution school have ever proposed is for me to take dd2 swimming or enrol her in outside lessons. I am not keen on the solution of me picking up the slack whenever they are unable to teach dd2... She has been having swimming lessons at school for 4 years now, since preschool. And she is still terrified and unable to take part. And still the school insist that the only solution needed is for her to go swimming more often, despite me reporting her being a confident (non) swimmer outside of school. They insist the lessons cannot be adapted for her at all and will also not countenance the thought of her sitting out...

Sounds like they deserved a stroppy email.

They do know her dx. Although I am unsure whether the sports department have been informed - I left no room for doubt in my email.

The school has a vigorous swimming programme, all year round. All well and good. Except that dd2 is terrified for some reason (I am guessing general noise, smells, fear of being unable to do it, hates being no good at something, etc) and has been at point of school refusal,over swimming in the past.

Despite her obvious fear, she is still required to take part in lessons. There have been sort-of TAs in the water with the class until recently, and generally dd2 was assigned one of these on a 1:1 or a 2:1 basis. School do not allow armbands, but do allow floats/noodles (which dd2 can use but feels less safe so worries etc)

Swim teachers email in part was pointing out to me that in year 3 the class size goes up, and help goes down (assume sort-of TSS no longer used) and that she fears dd2 will not cope.

Erm yes. I know. The solution however is not for me to take her swimming more, but for them to support her appropriately during their lessons. Which is (more or less, with a few more words here and there) what I said.

I have now copied in the learning support department, pointing out her needs, and the discussion can now (hopefully) move on from 'terrified child with neurotic parents' to 'child with needs who needs support'. We will see.

Sounds like deserved it. DS had 1:1 support with him at school swimming lessons (at council pool with council swim teacher) and teacher just left him to 1:1 and didn't include him at all. Eventually his 1:1 pointedly stood back and when the teacher came over explained she was not a qualified swim teacher and was there to support the teacher not teach my DS to swim herself! The fact we were being charged the same as every other parent for our child not to be taught didn't register! If your child needs 1:1 private lessons then either school should provide that, or council can fund it via statement or can fund 1:1 lessons under short breaks. I am pretty certain it's a requirement of national curriculum all children should be able to swim 25m by end of year 6 so it's no different than support have to put in elsewhere in curriculum. If she needs 1:1 teacher they can either provide that or allow her to not go. If she had a physical disability and couldn't support herself in the water they wouldn't make her go in unsupported would they.

Yes, that's how I see t, Agnes.

Independent school, so no council/short breaks funding. And no statement likely, tbh. She should be easy toanage with reasonable adjustment.

But she has just told me the gap year students who are no longer in the water with th are still by the poolside watching. So why they can't get in like they always used to and support dd2, I have no idea...

Your only regret should be: the email was not shirty enough

Fgs!! They have been banging on all this time when they could habe just put her in armbands!!!

I know they are not popular for positioning in the water but your Dd is not going to learn while she is terrified!! I bet you are paying extra for this too!?

The armband argument is flawed with children with SN's especially when they are nervous. As the children get more confident as your Dd is when she is with you in her armbands, you just gradually let them down over a period of weeks.

Eventually they are swimming with no air in and they dont even realise.

Dont give in on this on alarm, they are in the wrong and are not making reasonable adjustments for your Dd.

Good luck

Short breaks is funded via social services sometimes called respite. Not means tested on parents income. LAs have duty to enable children access leisure opportunities. We sometimes use short break money for 1:1 lessons. I'll be honest ds can't learn in a group lesson really it's too distracting but he still enjoys going to school lessons even if he doesn't do much.

Thanks again Agnes. We have no contact with LA at all for dd2 (and precious little for dd1 tbh!) dx is very recent, and was mostly sought to stop school being ridiculous over situations like this.

Ineed: agree entirely re: armbands. Yep, no good for 'proper' positioning, but let's face it, I don't think dd2 will be a champion swimmer anytime soon... We have loads, plus full range of float vests too. Happy to send them in, but they are not allowed as no good for 'proper' swimming. Well, neither is feeling as though you are unsafe and being generally terrified! We are not paying extra as such, just all included in the general fees. I will not e paying extra for her to have extra support, however, when that support is clearly available (in form of gap ear students) and has been used and relief upon until very recently.

This morning dd2 told me she is worried about year 3 swimming as they 'have to' swim lengths, not widths, and there will be 'no one to help me'.

Fgs. It's probably just as well she told me this after I sent the email! As yet I have had no response, either from swim teacher, learning support or class teacher.

I am reminded of the saying 'if a child hasn't learned, then the teacher hasn't taught' and left wondering just how good at teaching the swimming teacher actually is...