Navigating Reception with ASD

[lala21]

Hi everyone-some words of advice would be welcomed if you have time

2 years ago we were referred to cahms ( after a horrible 2 years of seeking help) and subsequently referred back to our GP/HV team as it was felt that he was not a serious enough case.

I received some help from HV behavioural support team when he was about 3 and was then discharged.

ASD was mentioned but not mentioned if that makes sense- there is and has never been anything formal.

I got in touch with the National Autistic Society - and through their support the transition at home for the family has been huge- just little things -visual timetable, keeping after school or weekend stimulation to a minimum- clear instructions- knowing what triggers the horrific meltdowns etc.

Roll forward and he started reception in sep 2013 and he has flown, he loves it and I think we got the right school. HOWEVER home life is making everyone so sad and miserable.

For him school is everything structured- uniform - polished shoes ( he does it every morning my DH made the mistake of doing it and I nearly did n't get him out the front door) reading, his writing, he wants to do handwriting and numbers and spelling - its like all the struggles of the past 4 yrs have now found an outlet where he can learn and thrive in his own little world.

BUT I am struggling at home-

He has recently had a blood test for childhood anaemia ( pending) as he is so tired, but what can I do to make the time from when he comes out of class to bedtime easier- I can deal with the usual but its the everyday with ASD which I am struggling with- sometimes he is so overwhelmed that he holds his head and cries saying his brain aches ( his words) he has started getting stressed about his teacher not being 'impressed' his writing has to be perfect - but I don't want him to sit down and write when he comes in- just play -" Don't know what to do mummy"

The other day the choice of snack was his and my undoing- banana, yoghurt or raisins - it lasted an hour screaming, crying, awful until he finally said 'I just don't know'

Have to say I have a 3 1/2 DD and a 7 month old DD( a massive surprised 3rd so not intentional after all we went though with him)

What am I doing wrong? Also none of my immediate friends who I see locally know as they are a bit dismissive of ASD they think I am odd with the lack of play dates and lack of attending birthdays so I feel very alone really

sorry its so long -

Sorry the last bit sounds as though its all about me am just a bit defensive
since I cut ties with one mum who called him a bit of a fruit loop and nut case when he was younger so don't want people to know unless they are real friends

Decisions are sticking points here too.

I never offer more than two choices and the response I often get is 'you know, mummy' So I choose, sometimes I get it wrong but what else can we do.

It might be worth setting up a meeting with his class teacher and SENCO to see if some support can be put in there as it sounds like he is having too make huge effort to cope there and letting it all out at home. Very typical of ASD children. If you told them of the things that help at home then perhaps they could put them in place there too such as the visual timetables.

ds2 had great difficulty distinguishing between class comments and individual comments so would get distressed if the teacher said if the class did not complete work then they would stay in at break even if he had already completed the work. This might be happening with the handwriting for your son too.

If choices lead to a meltdown then just give him something you know he likes - particularly at stressful times. Ds2 is incapable of making the simplest of choices when he is stressed.

Feeling a bit more positive- think I had kinda of forgotten some of the strategies - let the visual timetable slide, used to have little boxes of things for him to do to help him unwind when he came in and certain days we had specific things we did at home like arts and crafts day or tv day - and def think I need to speak to his class teacher about how he is feeling about his work- thanks guys and yes when the meltdown is coming I need to do what i know will work with him. x x x