3.6 deliberately hurting me when frustrated - need strategies (ASD)

[WaveorCheer]

My 3.6yo DS has recently started scratching me in the face/on my arms, and trying to bite and hit me when frustrated. I'd really appreciate some strategies because I do t have a consistent response yet.

Should I just distract? It feels like a disciplinary cop out but he really doesn't understand much. He has a meltdown if put in his buggy for a time out.

The bath episode - no, he dislikes the sound of DS2 crying. He also struggles with eye contact. So perhaps the issue there was feeling uncomfortable with the game (noise of DS2 laughing, proximity and eye contact), and scratching was his way of stopping it?

I think he sort of gets it, but I'm not sure what the meaning is he's making of it iykwim. So for example yesterday he shoved his little brother. DH was with them and said "X, no!" And DS1 immediately burst into tears. They then both rushed through to the kitchen and flung themselves at me weeping. I asked Ds1 to give his brother a kiss (we do this rather than asking for a sorry because that's mostly just met with a blank face).

Straight into uni - hear, hear. But if I think it's hard now, I can't even imagine how hard school will be.

ABA isn't something weird or specialised.
It's really a thoughtful way of doing the usual stuff. Plenty of people are doing 'it' without knowing it has a name.

So. With difficult behaviours, look at the Setting, Trigger, Action, Response. See what's causing and maintaining the problem. Remove something

Set-up DIFFICULT DAY, SENSORY ISSUES
Setting BATH,
trigger NOISY SIBLING,
action SCRATCHING,
response PARENT SHOUTS, BABY SHUTS UP, YOU ESCAPE

Options: Sort out the difficult day or sensory stuff, don't bother with the evening bath, lose the sibling for a few minutes, physically prevent the scratching, or don't facilitate escape till well after violence stops

Mixing with parents of multiples can sometimes be a sanity saver if yours are at similar 'behavioural' ages despite different dates of birth.

Last year I felt like I had twin 2y olds. Thankfully ds1 is behaving a bit more like his 'proper' age ATM, and ds2 is no longer actually 2.