Another assessment date coming up

[Babieseverywhere]

I know I said I was moving to the behavioural board but the most posters on my other thread suggested posting on here ! And you are lovely people, so I'm back to bother you again.

I had a meeting today with school Senco and DS teacher and I feel it went really well.

I updated the Senco telling her that the Comm Paed meeting had been brought forward and that we had been refered to SALT for the high level language assessment and a hearing test and in four months we would see the Comm Paed herself to discuss results.

Senco seemed surprised that we were going to see the actual Paed in four months and she said that the workloads were so high in our area that everyone sees Advance Practitioners, which I am pretty sure the lady we saw was iyswim.

Senco also told us that DS assessment from local asd unit is next week and she said she was surprised it is happening so fast, she thought it was going to be summer. She did repeat when they rule out asd, (which they probably will) they will look at behavioural team. I did ask if some of the assessment could be outside the clssroom if possible.

School think DS behaviour has been better last two weeks and they see this linked to the fact DH was bringing him in to school.
I explained that 1. DH still had same difficulties as me getting DS out of the house. 2. DS behaved as DH played Minecraft with him when they got home. 3. DH was on holiday and is now back at work so can't continue doing school run.

They are going to introduce now and next visual cards and try and help suggest activities and
playmates at lunchtime.

I showed our emotion scale and outlined the things DS hates, breaks, lunchtime, pe, assemblies, going to toilet, lining up etc. They noted these were all transitional things.

Teacher mentioned his difficulty getting dressed in pe, I asked if he can have a head start to get dressed and undressed.

Teacher noticed he copes better with closer structured days and less well on other less structured days.

Teacher said she had been watching DS play on playground and he looked fine. I retold the story of DS walking with his class mate and how though it would at a distance of two friends chatting but listening it was clear DS was giving a monologue on Minecraft AT the boy. No conversation going on.

I then asked for names of DS's friends, who did he play with at breaks. Teacher commented that DS didn't really play with anyone, more longside other children. They came up with one possible friend, a name I have not heard from him, but happy to embrace child if he would be DS friend. Playdate note writing next task.

Senco repeated that she really thought the behavioural people will really help DS. She said something about they have to look at school first but DS has no problems here and then they can do a home visit and give YOU advice.

I said I was happy to do anything to help DS and that i did not think the school did anything wrong but that I was sure school is very much a trigger for him, as he does not behave as badly as he does on the school runs on school holidays and weekends.

I also reminded them that DS struggles to make decisions and if you ask him anything, he will just agree with you, regardless of his own feelings. Plus when I got cross with DS and demanded why didn't he tell teacher that he hates school, he looked sad and said they would get angry. Of course they wouldn't they are lovely people but that is how he feels.

So bit of a mixed bag but there you are.

Thanks, I am plugging away at diary.

As I left the meeting, putting toddler in pram she was screaming and DS stood still with hands over his ears, bless him, doesn't like loud noises.

'I showed our emotion scale and outlined the things DS hates, breaks, lunchtime, pe, assemblies, going to toilet, lining up etc. They noted these were all transitional things.'

No. They are all things that require adept social skills. How is he at transitioning from bouncing on the trampoline to playing minecraft?

Anything TO Minecraft is a breeze :)

At least they are going to do some stuff with him at school. Maybe if they talk to him, they will understand what I mean about obession with Minecraft.

'I showed our emotion scale and outlined the things DS hates, breaks, lunchtime, pe, assemblies, going to toilet, lining up etc. They noted these were all transitional things.'

To add to Starlight's comment they are also times when there is an awful lot of "sensory stuff going on" - smells, touch, noise etc.

Yes, loads going on.

Well asked one of the kids in his class for tea, next week. DS thought I meant tonight and when I said no, it is next week, he sat there crying.

But operation play date is underway.

I agree but teachers appear to have recent advice and are really enthusiastic about 'transitional issues' as this is easy to understand but doesn't suggest extra resource - 'autistic DC have problems with transitions' as loudly reported to me at the last parent consultation. I think the teacher was expecting some reward for her insight! But also, importantly, bless them nothing can realistically be done. Same as 'anxiety' - par for the course, pathological rather than environmental 'symptoms'.

They said using picture now and next cards might make things easier for DS, will that not help ?

Only if the cards are meaningful.

AND really only if his language is significantly impaired. For example, would he understand a verbal explanation of 'first this, then that'? Because if so, pictures just add a layer of information to process and make things MORE complicated, not less.

I don't know what to say about the pictures. I don't have enough information to answer iyswim. Maybe SALT might help us there.

On the good news, we had the first school run I'm weeks. He cried when I asked him to get dressed. I had to strip pj's and yesterday pants off him, to start the 'get dress' program.

Promised him Minecraft with daddy later, Minecraft book in school bag AND school teacher had promised computer time treat, first thing if he walked into school well AND he did !

oh, trousers were on backwards again but I didn't want to upset him by pointing it out, so he went in HAPPILY like that.

Sadly just 4 school days, to try and create a good walking to school habit and we have another school holiday, sigh. Then it will take another couple of weeks post holiday to settle back into school.

Let's hope I have more days like today :)

p's. DH said I shouldn't encourage good behaviour with Minecraft book and schools treat, he said DS should learn to behave on his own. Which is the ultimate goal but surely anything which gets him to school happy in the meantime is a good thing ?

'he said DS should learn to behave on his own.' Why should he?

DH would say because our girls are not offered treats to behave, they behave because it is expected of them

I would say that is great but school doesn't cause the same upset for the girls that DS feels, so he needs a different approach

Why does my daughter go to school and 'behave'?

1. She knows that I expect it. What I expect is important to her self-esteem. She has the social skills to understand that not making me cross, worried or anxious leads to a happier path for her.

2. She likes school. When she's there she prides herself on figuring out what is expected from the teacher, and doing it to the best of her ability in order to receive teacher praise. She sometimes choses not to do as the teacher asks in order to receive kudos from her peers. She navigates the often competing requirements in order to maximise her enjoyment of school.

3. On the days she doesn't particularly want to go to school she still understands it is expected. The difficulty or dislike of what will happen that day is more of a nuisance than an overwhelming feeling of misery or lack of control. She can put up with it for the sake of 1 and 2 above.

4. She wants to be around other children. She receives social validation from making 'friends' or playing with the older children. She strives to be like them. She understands that the pathway to that is to emulate them and imitate them.

5. She understands the subtle rules of school. If she is told off, she understands why even if she thinks it is unfair. She is extremely clear what she should or should not do in that circumstance again. She is in control of repeating the action she was told off for and suffering the potential consequences and she is able to weigh up whether or not the action is worth it.

Is your son capable of all of the above?

My son isn't btw.

When in mainstream he didn't have a clue what was expected or why. The confusion made him anxious and how ever angry I got the feeling he had was less traumatic than the feeling he had from simply attending school.

He needed MUCH more persuasion and it had to be tangible.

That is the point I am struggling with, I don't know what is happening at school or how it us affecting DS or what to change.

I know he is very visual learner. Needs to be sure on what is happening when around meals.

Sorry that last post didn't make much sense....I'm too tired today to think straight. Today was a great day for DS. Fingers crossed we get another one tomorrow.

Don't cross your fingers - replicate what was successful today.

A reward is not a treat. NT kids are motivated by a social desire to please. Sometimes there is no social desire to please. The good news is that even if this is the case the individual has an intact (and with obsessional interests very strong) motivation toward reward (different brain region). Ignore ignorance - especially when it results in ineffective intervention even if it comes from DH

I will be doing everything the same tomorrow and hoping for similar good results.

Another good day, DS still cried and was reluctant to get dressed bit happy to leave house with Minecraft book.

Got stuck on the playground equipment but I reminded him about his computer treat when he got inside and he ran in :) Forgot his water bottle, school bag and jumper, lol

Thanks, I am plugging away at diary.

As I left the meeting, putting toddler in pram she was screaming and DS stood still with hands over his ears, bless him, doesn't like loud noises.

Playdate went well. However the reason it went well was the other child was as quirky as he is !

So my DS and playmate sat side by side, one talking about Minecraft and the other about lego, lol :)