Hi, I dont know what I expect from posting here but I suppose support and understanding from people who have been where I find myself right now.
Apologies if my post is rambling and thank you in advance for sticking it out 
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My DS is nearly 3 (2 weeks time). I've always had a gut feeling about him from a few months old that he was a little different. Very quiet, non demanding, slept like a dream etc. Then as the milestones approached he was always very late hitting them.
I seeked help but was always told children develope differently and as long as he is progressing then all is ok. I also suffered dreadful PND as well as interference from a very toxic mum and sister, which contact ended horribly 6 months after ds was born.
As a consequence of this many professionals I.e dr's, HV's have stated ds is fine and maybe im over thinking things and have guilt issues.
We dont have much in the way of family, mainly on my husbands side. All of which have said to me ds is fine and just let him be. Instinctively thoughout this time I have known ds hasnt developed like he should.
His motor skills are where they should be but his language, social and emotional skills lack. Imo. So, after much battling the tide I figured out I could self refer to SALT. Which I did 3 months ago.
Yesterday we had our first apt at home. She was wonderful with both me and ds. She asked me my concerns, I said either being on the spectrum or language issues.
He has the most impressive memory and as such talks in parrot fashion, I hear my self in him all the time. So to outsiders he sounds like he is communicating but really he has memorised a statement and the context and repeats appropriately. No one would believe this but the SALT picked it up immediately.
He made eye contact but thats where it ended.
He didnt engage with her at all ie showing toys or just interest in her.
There was far more to it than that but essentially she has referred us to a peadiatrician for further assessment and she will also continue seeing us and perform various assessments as she believes he has a language disorder. But as he has such a vast amount of language and speaks rather clearly, it will be a long road of elimination to identify what help he requires.
There was alot more to it than that, she was here over 2 hours and picked up on many things, that I knew deep down were issues but every bugger else fobbed me off.
Like he never converses. He makes statements, which can sound like a question but when put against all his other speech he has the same learnt inflection. Shows no empathy, sensory issues.
Whilst im over the moon with relief that I have been taken seriously and someone has recognised the concerns for themselves and are moving us for forward, im also very sad today. As I really wanted to be proved wrong.
Im currently 15 weeks pregnant and just feeling very sad (and maybe a little bit 'why me', I feel so selfish for feeling like this.)
Whilst I know a dx hasnt been given and its very early days and we havent a clue whats the matter or how we can manage it, I just feel so overwhelmed.
I look at DS and just want to make everything better but know I cant wave a magic wand.
My DS is supportive and has told me he's proud ive fought so hard and he's sorry he never backed 100%, he's now being all super positive and we'll do it together but he works all the fucking time, so the bulk of this will fall on my shoulders as well as the new baby.
I have no family close by and no real friends to speak too. So feeling so sad and just cant stop crying at the moment.
Thanks for listening. Any words of encouragement would be welcomed.