Any tips to teach/deal with the passing of time to avoid meltdowns?

[OddFodd]

DS (7) has no comprehension of time (he has dyspraxia) and doesn't seem to understand that if he gets up late/takes 20 mins to get dressed/faffs around, then he will have less time to play before school as the time we need to leave for school is fixed.

I'm reluctant to wake him earlier as I think he needs his sleep (and it's often very broken at night) but the constant tantrums when I tell him it's time to go to school are really getting on my tits wearing.

I give him a 5 minute warning but that doesn't seem to make any difference. Some other things I thought I'd try:

• using a timer which we set when we get up so that he can see how long he has left
• dressing him on two mornings a week so that then he has more time to play on those days

Anyone got any other ideas?

Before he could tell the time properly, but he was beginning to get the idea of the progression of the numbers on a clock, we introduced the concept of "when the clock says...." to DS1. We started off by writing down the time eg 8:00.

We have these visual timers which are great. We also explain things in terms of units of TV episodes (whatever he's into at the time - currently Scooby Doo)!

Ds(7) has no sense of time either. We use a 5 minute timer to get dressed in the morning. If he gets dressed on time he gets a sticker and we put in the calendar. when he gets the agreed number of stickers he gets a skylander (insert preferred toy). I increase the number of stickers he needs to get a toy each time.

I get up half an hour earlier than him and go to his room and draw his bedroom curtains and turn the lights on. By the time I'm ready to come downstairs, he is mostly awake and only needs a few prompts to get up.
We have quite a strict routine in the morning and that has helped.

At 7yo I was still getting dd2 dressed more often than not. Not saying this is what you do, just that their needs are so different that this is one example (dd1, NT has, for example got herself dressed every day since the age of 3.5).

Agree re dressing; I frequently dress my 7yo for school.

Also it may be worth trying to work out what's behind the reluctance/distress, eg is it anxiety about school / separation from you / is it the demand element of you telling him to get dressed etc. Not necessarily easy to answer, especially if it's a combination of things, but if you can pinpoint a cause it might make it easier to think of ways to ease the problem.

sounds very similiar to my dd age 8. i still dress her every morning, yet my dd age 4 will always dress herself.
alot of dds issues are sensory and she also has no idea of time. I wake all 3 dc up at the same time but have to give dd at least 30 mins to get out of bed, otherwise I have to constantly nag her and she then becomes distressed and this heightens her sensory issues, resulting in her not wanting to wear clothes at all.

we have a good routine in the mornings now, she knows that once the other 2 dcs are dressed and have eaten that it is her turn. we occasionally still have a bad morning if something changes, eg different cereal, toothpaste etc but generally the mornings are alot less stressful now.

I still help my 10yo get dressed, too. Even if it's just to plonk his top over his head and trigger his "I've started so I must finish" routine.

He actually asked me to help him with his pyjamas, this evening, as he was feeling a bit off kilter and couldn't get started by himself.

Oh I would totally help him get dressed - he's just going through a 'NO! I can do it myself' phase at the moment (followed by 'I don't want to do my button up today' :D)

I'm also quite worried about him stating junior school in September when he's going to have to do swimming lessons so he really needs to be able to put his clothes on in the right order and the only way he'll learn is doing it over and over and over again. So it's a real trade-off - I want him to learn but he's really slow so that means he doesn't get to play and gets cross.

I suggested the timer/getting him dressed ideas this afternoon when he came home and he was quite keen so we'll see how he goes tomorrow ...

Jacksterbear - that clock looks great! I had thought of making something similar with a laminated slider but I'd have to move it along - something automated would be loads better!

Read about backward chaining. It's how I got DS1 to the "top over the head" point from needing to be helped completely (which was easier than talking him through it because listening is hard for him, at the same time as doing). Starlight is a big advocate if this technique, too.

I made a card game for ds, to demonstrate how much could be done in a certain amount of time and to show how much is wasted when we don't get them done straight away.

Haven't time to talk much about it now but could tell you more later if you want. I still have the basic cards on my hard drive if you want to look.

That's great ourvye, thanks. I do a version of that in that I do the top bits sometimes (the vest is an especially tricky item of clothing) and he does the bottom but not in a step by step formal way.

That game sounds great streakybacon - I'll PM you.

Timer was quite successful this morning but possibly because we've been up since 5.30 so he got plenty of time to play before I set it

I used to tell DS that if he used his time wisely in the morning, he would be able to have screen time before he left for school. This used to work really well when he was your son's age, although you have to be prepared to stand your ground on the days he won't cooperate.

Also when giving DS a time for something I would always say 'at about four o'clock' or whatever. That way he didn't expect things to happen to the minute.

That was the concept of the card game Sunnymeg, but in visual format which appealed to him better. The main idea was "Get your stuff done, and you'll have more time to hang out and do whatever you fancy". It worked to a degree, but I don't think he'll ever be as organised as I'd like him to be.

Ds is bone idle - there's no escaping it. You can throw all sorts of strategies at it but there's a limit to how much improvement I can make if he hasn't the motivation to drive it himself.

JacksterBear - I never answered your question about what's behind his reluctance. It's part of his disability basically - he finds it physically very demanding plus he has massive concentration/organisation issues. He forgets what he's supposed to be doing a lot of the time, particularly if he's not very interested.

I've used the kitchen timer today and he had breakfast/got dressed before doing something else and it really seemed to work in focusing his mind on time passing which is something he doesn't usually seem to be aware of! I've also ordered that clock you linked to.

Oh, good , hope you find the timer helpful.

(My 7yo also has planning/organisation difficulties and some motor difficulties/poor co-ordination due to his sensory problems, as well as sensory problems with the feel of clothes, and anxiety re school, separation, transitions, and demands... All of which combined make getting ready for school something of a nightmare! But that timer has really improved things.)

We started off with backward chaining, then once he had the getting dressed process sussed introduced a system where if he got dressed four of the five school days of the week in time to leave he could get a magazine at the weekend (normally a Dr Who one - one of his obsessions - though we have on occasion had to buy the same magazine twice as it only comes out fortnightly). It's important to him to have the 'free day' option of me dressing him because on some days it just is too much for him and it gives him a sense of control.

We have a v. well set routine in the mornings too - breakfast at 7.30; start the getting dressed reminders at 8 - "if you're dressed now you'll still have 20 minutes on the computer afterwards"; at 8.15 "if you don't start getting dressed now I might have to take the computer until you're dressed" (always a bit of a high risk one that one in terms of meltdown potential though). A 5-minute warning would be way too quick, we need to spend a lot of time on the getting ready process, balancing out the demands with the coping strategies if you see what I mean.

But it has to be me reminding him because he can't seem to do clocks or the passage of time generally - his Maths homeworks he zooms through at top speed and then gets utterly stumped by the clock questions - we haven't solved that yet.

If it's any reassurance, he has just started swimming with school and seems to be managing to get changed there himself OK, and has managed with PE though sometimes comes back with things back to front or inside out - different context must make the task more manageable. (He's 7 and has ASD and lots of sensory issues.)

That's really good to know systemsaddict! I'm very anxious about swimming but I think backward chaining would really help prep for that

I can always tell what days he's had PE - he comes home with things inside out/back to front or wearing his plimsolls :o