Need help with school situation

[marshmallowSqueeze]

I am at a loss what to do, ds has asd, spd, auditory and visual processing issues and hypermobility.

He has been at his current school since last year, and in year 3, he has no statement. The senco started out helpful enough then suddenly stopped wanting to discuss or talk to us about anything.

Ds is showing signs of extreme behaviour in class, at times telling his teacher he wants to die (normally when he struggles with a task) or if his teacher is off or he has a substitute teacher he storms out of class.

It all kicked off this week with the constant school show rehearsing and ds becoming more and more anxious I asked the teacher to ensure he had quiet breaks etc but on Thurs afternoon he got himself in such a state he tried to run out of school, he made it to the main door before someone caught up with him.

The school have all his reports etc but have done no nothing about recommendations, he was meant to have a CAF but as yet nothing, due to other reasons he can not be moved schools again as this is his 3rd.

I want to call a meeting with the school and address their lack of communication and ensure they put some safe guards in place (there current idea was to lock the main classroom door and he should be fine and have warned the reception staff to look out for him) does anyone have any advice or ideas of what i should be asking for and how to do it without getting angry as I am cross they haven't listened to us so far

i would set up a meeting with the senco and the head because he obvs needs extra support in school. you will need to discuss whether he needs support via school action or a statement.
if you have asked for a CAF then they need to do one, they can't refuse. my ds school tried to get out of it so i rang the CAF team at the LA who then rang school and read them the riot act.
take somebody to the meeting with you. parent partnership is hit and miss depending on where you live. some ppl like them some ppl don't but i have always found them helpful.
write down a list of what your concerns are and what you would like to see happen and challenge the school on what has already been put in place. see if they will set up a better method of communication such as a home-school diary (although only works if they bother to fill it in!)

school are clearly not being sensitive to ds's needs. does he have a sensory programme to follow from the OT? if not request a referral for a sensory diet.

don't worry too much about him saying he wants to die if there is no true intent, my ds does it all the time when he's angry but has never harmed himself.

thats all i can think of for now but im sure others will have loads of good advice :)

Locking the classroom door with a class full of kids is a terrible idea - what if there's a fire? (I'm rather concerned that the main entrance to the school isn't secure, though) He's expressing a classic fight of flight response, so if flight is prevented, then he's going to fight - against things, people or even himself.

They should be addressing what makes him want to run out of the classroom, in the first place. They should be differentiating work and the way that its delivered so that he doesn't end up confused and upset. They should be checking he understands before he melts down. They need to provide him with a safe place that he can go to if he is overwhelmed and an undramatic way of communicating that need - with this explained clearly to all staff who work with him, permanent and supply. Ask what they are doing to provide all this and minute the meeting, sending a copy to the school, afterwards. (All communications need to be in written form, ideally, as it creates a papertrail)

Regarding statements, the only way it's going to happen is if you apply yourself. Applying now, you will possibly end up on the path for the new EHCP, but it's still going to be better than the current situation. Don't let the SENCO put you off. Even if he's academically OK in their eyes (though he's clearly struggling) his behaviour as a result of his current lack of support is becoming risky.

Thanks for the replies, I did consider going down the statement route and was told I can't as they haven't tried anything yet to fail so they need to try and fail first iykwim.

He has a school diary which is sometimes filled in and sometimes is a pack of lies like when he runs out of class if his teacher isn't there (that just gets ignored!). I asked back in Feb for a safe space out of class and an exit pass to access this was told no, after the running out of class last month they decided yes they would now do this but only in the class room in the corner. (bangs head off wall)

I shall chase up the caf team as I didn't know I could do that (interesting as this was started in Oct and part of ss discharge, school called ss after the first time he told them about killing people).

school has a secure door but ds knows how to press button to get out. I personally would love to read them the riot act but it hasn't worked so far, the school were already aware he bolts but their reply to me last week was oh we didn't think it would happen here it doesn't help we live in a rubbish lea too who seem to do very little in ways of support.

ouryve, he doesn't have any nhs ot as it is a two year wait, he was referral to sensory ot by the school but they said despite him having a dx of spd and them only helping kids with spd he doesn't fit their criteria and the school just let them be.

They can't use not doing anything to indefinitely delay you seeking the legal support provided by a statement/EHCP. If nothing else, going through the process will give them a kick up the arse. It might involve a fight, but there's plenty of battle hardened support, here.

Agree about chasing up the CAF. If that process was initiated, it should be happening.

Definitely a meeting with the senco and the head. Tbh I wasn't getting anywhere and eventually went to the head. He took my sons needs seriously in the end and now I couldn't ask for better.

If he hadn't stepped up then I was going to the governors so don't be afraid to do that if you need to.

Compile a list of all his needs. I have been laughed at by some for stating loads of things in a one page profile. They even told me my son did not mind if people touched him. He now has full blown OCD! I've stuck with it. Had many occasions of considering moving schools but actually decided that wasn't fair on my child. Tbh it wouldn't have been the answer. Persistence has been the only thing that has paid off.

You don't mention OT or other nhs professionals? Are you getting any help? Tbh it has not been me they've listed to really but the nhs professionals involved. If it wasn't for them it would all be put down to parenting.

As *ourvye" says running from the classroom is a classic "fight or flee" response and if he is prevented from fleeing he will quite likely turn to fighting to be avoided if at all possible.

The school should be ensuring that the main door / gate is locked so there is a safe limit to his escape. At one school ds1 went to they let the children with ASD escape to the playing field as long as they did not leave the school grounds and did not approach till they had calmed down.

They should also be providing your son with a "safe place" within the school that he can escape to when feeling stressed. This should be somewhere where your son feels safe and they will need to teach your son how to use it.

They also need to start learning the signs when your son is getting stressed and intervene before it reaches the fleeing stage.

I think applying for a statement would put a rocket up the school, tbh. Especially if your application mentions the extensive measures the school have taken, such as locking the room your DS is in....

I did consider going down the statement route and was told I can't as they haven't tried anything yet to fail so they need to try and fail first iykwim

You were lied to and you are both being failed. I would apply directly to the LEA yourself and asap re a Statement application.

If you are wondering what to write IPSEA's website has model letters you can use. www.ipsea.org.uk. Also talking to them would be an excellent idea in your case too.

Thanks for all your help, I took ds yesterday his out local support group outing and talked to the leader there who strangely enough is meant to be working with his school later this year, but she is going to go into the school in the next few weeks and check things out for him and let me know what she sees, she will also be ensuring the school are playing ball.

I am going to call Parent partnership tomorrow and the CAF people and chase them too (in the hope this will do something) I have written a draft request for a statement and shall be sending this off later this week once I see the outcome of the school and counsellors meeting.

Sadly it isn't just the Senco who is useless it is also the head as the Senco no longer deals with ds (refers to him as the case!) and the head likes to brush things under the carpet. We do have a good nhs pead who told the school what to do the next time he threatens to die etc especially as he has form for knife grabbing etc but the school have said to me they won't do that just keep a secret list. I do think the teacher got a fright but I am not feeling sorry for her as she was warned he will do this when he is triggered and I had already warned them on Thursday morning he was struggling

The school do have me over a barrow in a way as I was accused a while ago of making ds' medical food intolerances up so I am not allowed to be seen as rocking the boat as this just rears its ugly head again which is why I no longer believe my own judgement when things go wrong of how badly they have failed him iykwim

Would send off the request for the statement tomorrow rather than delay it any further.

Parent Partnership may or equally may not be of much use to you as they are not independent of the LEA and can therefore tow the party line.

I would still seek independent advice from the likes of IPSEA or SOSSEN as both are fully independent of LEAs.