Is this too petty to question

[Skylar123]

Sorry I know people are going through far more serious issues right now please excuse my 'little' query.

The things is...my Ds is not happy about going in to school we have major meltdowns and refusals every morning so he is late almost everyday. .lately few reports including the LA statutory assessment report say that my Ds has problems with the transition into school and when leaving to go home (as per info given from sch) He doesn't want to leave school. However, this is not what I see when I collect him , usually he is first in the line when the classroom door opens , 9 times out of 10 he drops his stuff and holds the rest of the line up or some times he goes back to get things. I've never known him to not want to leave or to show difficulties in doing so. Other than the organisational stuff described above.
Do you think I should address this?
Thanks

It would be worth asking exactly how he expresses his reluctance. Is he, perhaps, hanging back until the line is ready to move and then jumping to the front of the queue, once he knows there will be no more waiting with other kids in close proximity to him?

I think he is at the front of the queue due to him being allowed to get his stuff together earlier than the others to avoid the hussle and bustle of the over crowding in the coat section.

I will ask them how they know he doesn't want to go home and how he expresses is reluctance.

He does want to go home so I'm not sure why they think he doesn't. And now the comment keeps cropping up , the LA EP write it in her report for SA that I received today.

There was a handful of times a few months back where he needed promoting and reminding to go to the door which is why they introduced the getting ready first and lining up first option as per autism advisory lady's advice. That's not the same as not wanting to leave though is it.

Thanks will do.
I am being completely neurotic to think that they are suggesting falsely that Ds doesn't like leaving school as much as he doesn't like coming to school to suggest that Ds school refusal difficulty is not down to him finding school difficult and a challenge and having difficulties with the curriculums, social and academic, but rather down to a pure transition difficulty .

my ds has difficulty with transitions in and out of most places. Every morning at school he is moody and prone to meltdown before he goes in. He loves school, it is just getting in that is the problem. I am guessing that he is anxious about the unpredictable things that will happen eg who will he be next to in the line, when will the teacher come out, what will she say, how long will it be until they go in.

And it is the same when he comes out. Ds really wants to go home. But he has a few routines he like to do before he leaves the playground and often goes back into school to use the toilet. It takes us a while to get out of the school grounds. He doesn't feel settled until he is at home playing with his toys.

I think difficulty with transitions can be different to not wanting to go in or out of the place.

but my ds' school has never noticed any of his issues with transition. As others have said, you should definitely ask for more information.

my ds can refuse to go into school and it is purely a transition issue. But it sounds like that may not be the case for your ds. You are not being neurotic.

Thanks tacal. I'm just questioning myself here as being assessed for statement . Ds has sever school based anxiety and says he hates school. Tells me it's learning, playtime and lunchtime , so pretty much all of it. Never have any difficulties leaving school tho. He does have impairments with his communication and social skills and he is generally a nightmare to get to change activity ie clean teeth, get dressed, leave house, go to school, get off computer, etc. Is it a transition issue or is it a school day issue or both, arghhhh driving me mad

What would be your ideal outcome/provision in the statement? It might be wise to think of that and work or whether the reports aid that or hinder it.

E.g. DD1's preschool report said that she had 'hit out at staff'. She can't really hit now, at 8.6, let alone at the age of 4.0. It was actually a frustrated tap to get someone's attention. But it all helped towards securing a special school place.

Yes . Ds pead said he def needs more emotional support and high level social skills group by trained person. This is very true.
Ds also needs someone to keep an eye out during unstructured times (paed agreed) as at present no one is , although sch say they are, they are not, Ds tells me he can't find anyone to play with and no one helps so he gets sad and sits alone.
Someone to go through tasks with him and check that he understands , keep him focused
Someone to assist him with transitions ie to another room for another lesson as it makes him anxious and he tries to avoid these lessons by not going to them and staying at home
1:1 support with handwriting and use of computer when possible
OT recommendations
Is this pretty standard stuff ?
Indi EP said that LA prob won't agree to statement as unless child needs spec school they will say he can cope in mainstream with help from school. It will take an 'incident' for them to realise. Also said my LA are worst in country!

My reports def aid what support I would like for Ds I think. Tbh it's all pretty simple stuff that won't cost the earth just time, understanding and patience

One of DS1's biggest reactions to a bad day at school is to sit on the pavement (or even the road), refuse to budge, wail that he never wants to go to school ever again and that he doesn't want to walk home. It's pure panic and there's no logic in it, whatsoever. When we're all of 5 minutes down the road, an hour later, and a member of staff, after tidying their room, helps us scrape him off the road to take him home, he's inevitably glad to get there.

Thanks ouryve. Sounds familiar!

Tbh school have put lots of interventions in place but nothing seems to make Ds want to go to school. School say he is 'fine' when he is there. All they say is that he is a Bit manipulating and controlling at times , exclusive to certain people, ignores others, loses focus easily when working and fidgets on carpet .

Wouldn't let him go to library club though as they couldn't offer him the support he apparently needed. Although they say he is fine so what support would he need.

Ds tells me he can't take it anymore and please can I stop taking him there. He is close to breaking down some evenings .

It's really tricky polter. Ds always cried at classroom door and clung to me up until last year. He also used to get anxious about being late and panic about what he might have forgotten or what he might need to do in the day. Now he just won't go in false stop.
The LA EP thinks that ...' Ds anxiety is real for Ds, however it could be that this original anxiety has now escalated , now becoming more of a learned pattern of behaviour. When explored further Ds seems to have underlying anxieties which he exhibits when he is in an environment in which he does not feel that he needs to conform to others expectations, namely school'
I don't agree with this as Ds anxiety about school is learned behaviour and he feels tremendous pressure to conform at school . He masquerades his difficulties to conform and be like everyone else as best he can and he is strict to the point that he must not break school rules.