Post tribunal blues

[bjkmummy]

I knew this was gonna happen cos it happened last time - im now an emotional wreck , think all of the months preparing for it , the stress, the late nights etc and then 6 months of my life living breathing it came down to less than 2 hours in a courtroom and me saying very little compared to what I thought I would.

I slept soundly last night which is good but today I am on the constant verge of tears, am hiding from my friends who are all busy messaging / texting me wanting to know how it went which is understandable given they've lived with it with me but none of them fortunately have not had to experience it first hand like a lot of you guys on here have.

I know im being stupid and need to snap out of it but I have this heavy gut wrenching feeling still deep inside me - the usual doubts I guess about did I do enough, have we succeeded , what if we haven't, then what - the next year having to deal with the school and then even if we win that's not the end and im going to go through this all over again and I think that's whats playing on my mind as well.

ive packed all the paperwork away and put it in a big box so that its not out on display around me and all over the house like it was to try and now move forward.

It is a let down saying so little but you have to remember you did say it all in the bundle, the hearing was just to clarify, the panel did read the bundle too. There was also nothing you couldn't answer / deal with.

I hope they don't keep you waiting too long as I bet they made the decision before lunch and it's just being typed up and signed.

(I hope you've had plenty of refreshment of your choice, now it's over with - for now)

I never got all the way there, but I still got that weird restless thumbtwiddly feeling when the LA conceded. I was almost relieved when the amended statement was so shockingly awful that I could set to and write a pointed letter!

I had a similar experience after my finals years ago. I'd worked incredibly hard and the exams were all pretty much over and done with and all I could do was wait and psych myself up to apply for jobs. I spent several days with the headache from hell and within a week, had a stinker of an abscess and my first pair of glasses. As the adrenaline dissipated, everything fell apart.

While you're waiting for the decision, the best thing you can do is find something absorbing that will make you feel better. An afternoon idly shopping. Paint a wall that's looking a bit scruffy or clear out a cupboard or two. With the radio on, so you don't ruminate too much.

Oh mate what can you do that you can 'lose yourself' in? A new (huge) novel? A long, lingering bath? A night out to 're-set'?

God, that all sounds so patronising.

ive spent the day doing nothing! I think im going to give myself to Monday to mooch about and feel slightly sorry for myself and then try and sort the house out room by room and have a blooming good declutter of the kids rooms!

I know that its that ive been living on my nerves/adrenaline for so long and it will take time to come back down from that. the judge said it will be the usual 10 days - shes had a case cancelled this week so hopefully that means the deadline will be 2 weeks. someone I know who went for a refusal to assess 2 weeks ago got her decision in 6 days which was good. we were done before 12 so I guess they spent the afternoon making the decision - we had the judge and one panel member this time - not sure if that s better or not if im honest. I did google the judge and she has been doing it for 20 years so shes pretty experienced.

she made comment about my well organised bundle! but I guess after the months of the games, I expected more I guess, I expected she would shoot the LA down in flames but instead its all so 'lets be nice to everyone' I guess part of the blues is that I feel that the LA have got away lightly with all of their bad behaviour and today the sen officer will be busy screwing the next parent over and wont even be thinking about yesterday

You're angry. And it's getting to you because the adrenaline is no longer protecting you. I bet you feel like you've just survived a hit by a truck and are bruised all over.

Buy some nice flowers and distribute them through your home and extremely posh chocolates that you can only eat one of every few hours.

its strange after months of staying up late i now find myself going to bed at a reasonable time and having a good nights sleep but ive already had to have a mid morning nap and still feel exhausted! ive also decided to take control of my eating again and am eating more healthily than the stodge ive eaten in the few months so my body may also be slightly in shock of the healthy food coming into it!

im still hiding from my friends which i know is not good but they all know me so well that they know this is what i do and then i will resurface - i do have DH here so someone is with me keeping me company - hes just carrying on like nothing has happened but he accepts that it was me that carried it all on my shoulders so hes doing his best to be supportive.

a friend wanted me to go to a thing today where a new sen officer would have been - needless to say i haven't gone , im slowly turning to the angry side now and im in no mood to explain pleasantries! need to get my head sorted though as the social worker is coming next week and although im still shell shocked theres no way i will let them know the true impact that this has had on us as a family - it will be sweet positive smiles all the way!

Hi bjk first of all I wanted to say well done. I confess I haven't followed your story from the beginning but have seen a lot of the updates and I just wanted to say well done.
After the battle we faced was "over" for want of a better word, (its never really over is it?) I collapsed and relaxed and immediately my immune system attacked me, so look after yourself and don't be surprised if you start to get unwell. Maybe take some echinacea just in case?
Other than that, take it easy this weekend and naice chocolate!

It's hard coming down when you live on your nerves every day. I can understand that. I don't think I can cope without stress now.

Take comfort in that whatever happens next you gave it your all. There are more fights ahead whatever the outcome. Try to be kind to yourself and tell yourself you are one kick ass mummy who will never let her kids down and never give in. Your amazing