So cross with school yet again!

[Skylar123]

Ds was dx through nhs a few weeks back = ASD. Dx matches indi dx from last year.

After reading pead report, which I must say I was impressed with there is a part that is grating on me.

It states that as per discussions with senco 'Ds attempts to control and manipulate situations at school. He also makes demands. Ds does not like assemblies that are held first thing in the morning, he is always half an hour late for school, thus avoiding assembly'

For starters Ds is often late for school and the by which amount is variable and depends on how well I do pursuading him, how anxious he is and to a certain extent what events he knows will be happening. For instance on class photo day he fell to pieces.

Ds finds sch very challenging and does not enjoy being there and it is not just because of assembly. Admittedly he doesn't like assembly but he also doesn't like playtimes and maths and handwriting.

I'm so cross that the sch are trying to say that Ds is late because he wants to miss assembly I'm sick and tired of explaining to these people what the issues are. It sounds to me as if they are making the point that Ds is controlling me into being late for school purely so he can miss assembly. They just don't get it!

Seeing as I have been right all along I seriously think they need to start opening there ears.

Rant over thanks for reading

I have spent hours trying to explain some of Dd3's issues to her school and even when I thought I was getting somewhere the HT said to me in a meeting "I think Dd3 sometimes wants to be in control!!!" I nearly fell off my chair and said "Welcome to autism! Welcome to my world!"

A friend was with me who also has a child with autism and she quickly agreed. HT's face was a little

It is so much easier to foist the blame for not coping onto the child instead of admitting that they are crap and dont know what to do!!

Sorry but that is my experience!

It's okay. YOu can quote the paed and write something like,

'As you are aware, DS suffers from anxiety surrounding a number of aspects of school. In particular, Maths, Handwriting, Playtime and Assembly. I would like one of these to be tackled as a target for his IEP. I am happy to address the Assembly one myself for the time being and work up to it, by keeping him at home those times whilst we address the others.

I feel currently that the priority for ds would be playtime. What do you think? What usual strategies do you put in place for children like ds who find playtimes so difficult and what preparation would you recommend I undertake to help support your interventions at this time.'

Ta Muchly,

Sky

Same here. I remember the time I told the HT we finally got a dx. He asked me if it was a genuine one? Have to say, I ignored that comment and went away fuming as usual.

But, one day, I had such a run in with DS teacher I rang PP and they rang the Head and he saw me later that week and since that he has been fantastic and openly admits they haven't been good and supported his needs.

If you cannot get the same acknowledgement from your HT then I think you should go to the Governors with your complaint. They have a responsibility to ensure your child's needs are being met.

My DS absolutely hates assembly due to the fact people sit near him. Now though he's allowed to sit on a chair and he's much happier. Something so minor but it really helps reduce his anxieties.

Thanks all. Sometimes I just get the urge to vent on here as all your responses help.
I will definately be speaking to them about this.
No one is allowed to see the HT. She is far too important to deal with such trivia it seems.
I mean if they think all the not wanting to go to sch is all down to an assembly why the hell don't they do something about it rather than just get on with it . Silly school it's not rocket science.
They have told me in the past that they are doing all they can for Ds. Paed has said she wil inform them he needs more emotional help and must heavily access social skills . groups. Just found out via the paed that although he was in a social skills group it was not the main one it was some half arsed attempt one. (Paed didn't say that bit)
So hope he gets a decent statement and I get him out if this school ASAP .

It's getting people to understand why they want to be in control. It's not because they are demanding divas it's because to them the world feels out of control - too noisy, bright, unpredictable, confusing, terrifying so they try and either impose some order on it eg by doing things the same way or try and avoid it altogether.
There are some great videos on YouTube showing egs of what it might feel like to have autism, even if they are not truly accurate I think it's very thought provoking for people to watch them and imagine. Maybe you could ask them to watch some?
For assembly you can try keeping him out of assembly and taking him in only for last minute, then 2 mins, gradual exposure and desensitisation and then he gets a whopping reward for having managed it.
Truth is most NT children hate assembly and handwriting too, they are just too socially skilled (polite / worried being told off) to say so
My NT DS has perfected the art of making himself go really pale and getting himself sent home, when he was 7 and obsessed with the next level on his wii game he would get himself sent home weekly! In the end I told the office staff not to even ring me if he hadn't actually puked. His manipulation was out of boredom not fear and anxiety.

Thanks Agnes great reply