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SN children

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Original poster

Dealing with miffed DTS1 who is not allowed to do the same things as his brother

12 replies

Loueytb3 · 01/05/2014 11:55

How do you deal with siblings doing things that you are not allowing your children with SN to do?

Last night DTS2 started karate. DTS1, who has ASD didn't go. Whilst he is in MS school (in a unit) he can be quite disruptive and I didn't want him to disrupt it for DTS2 and the other kids, many of whom are in DTS2's class at school. However, DTS1 was quite miffed at the time that he wasn't going. I was a bit stuck for words to explain why he wasnt doing karate without making it sound negative. Its particularly difficult as he's a twin, I can't even say that he's too young (or similar).

There is a SN judo club which he could go to but the logistics are impossible at the moment.

Just not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:

nonicknameseemsavailable · 01/05/2014 13:07

hmm is there anything other than the SN judo club which would be possible for him to go to? then you could say that as they are twins and spend so much time together you think it is nice for them to each have the chance to do something unique for them?

minionmadness · 01/05/2014 13:33

I have dts's, aged 6 - dts1 has ASD

It is difficult... I was in a similar situation when my two had just started primary. We tried lots of different activities but dts1 just couldn't cope with most of them and it was heart breaking watching him struggle to understand why he couldn't join in. When he did he couldn't follow instructions without support so would inevitably do his own thing which would be disruptive for the group. Lots of NT groups claim to be SN's friendly but that wasn't our experience. It wasn't that they didn't try, they just didn't have a clue.

What has worked for us is finding activities for them to do individually. It's a little more tricky finding activities for dts1 due to high needs but they are out there.

DTS1 goes weekly to SN's swimming and a play group at the local Autism school.

DTS1 goes weekly to NT swimming lessons, street dance and football.

They both go weekly to Beavers which DTS1 copes with as they accommodate his needs really well.

minionmadness · 01/05/2014 13:35

DTS2 goes to NT swimming lessons etc.

Original poster

Loueytb3 · 01/05/2014 14:41

nonickname - they are at different schools so during the week they hardly see each other. That's part of the problem - when they are together they tend to play up. And DTS1 doesn't need much encouragement to mess around.

Currently, they do Beavers together. Rocky start but it seems to have settled down for now.

They do swimming lessons together (NT) although we've had lots of issues with them messing around. They were then split up and eventually they were in different classes as DTS2 progressed faster. DTS1 is currently on the last chance saloon there though as he made no progress at all last term and went backwards. Awful to watch. If he doesn't make any progress this term we will pull him out and pay for private lessons. He has no fear of water at all.

There is a SN swimming club but its on at a really awkward time (7pm) and he gets pretty tired by the end of the day (he's hypermobile).

The problem is that he is fairly bright and I know that a lot of the SN clubs are aimed at more children with more severe disabilities. On the other hand, he isn't quite able enough for NT clubs (at least most of them) and I do worry about him being disruptive. Talking to another parent last night at karate, she mentioned a child had been asked to leave because he was disruptive.

Perhaps I should try again and find something that he can do on his own which would solve the problem.

minion - its really hard isn't when you have two the same age. Mine are 7.

OP posts:

youarewinning · 01/05/2014 20:56

I only have 1 child so can't really give an experience into dealing with your situation.

However I have heard karate is meant to be fantastic for children with ASD. Do you have a local group/ respite centre who could provide someone to attend with DTs1 on a 1:1 basis?

Original poster

Loueytb3 · 01/05/2014 23:14

I have no idea. I've never looked into it. How would I find out??

OP posts:

nonicknameseemsavailable · 01/05/2014 23:15

it sounds so hard - sorry i have no bright ideas

thegambler · 02/05/2014 00:58

Have you had a talk with the instructors about ASD son going ? Some instructors have experience in the field and there have been reports of it bringing a focus and being good for ASD kids. (google martial arts and autism)

I have the opposite problem of an ASD daughter who hasn't the slightest interest in going.

OneInEight · 02/05/2014 07:19

Our situation is different in that both ds1 and ds2 (also twins) are both AS but as they are very competitive with each other and have social difficulties with everyone else then outside activities can be very difficult.

We have tended to start them off doing the same thing but then letting one drop out as soon as possible. The activities that have worked the best are where they do the same thing but in different groups so swimming and climbing and cubs were good for a while.

Sadly, we don't have the problem at the moment as ds2 refuses to do anything so his brother can do stuff on his own.

Do either school arrange after school clubs? - I think even my two would have accepted this as a valid reason why they couldn't do the same as their brother.

neverputasockinatoaster · 04/05/2014 13:57

OP..
Look for a karate group run by the shoto budo organisation.
My son has as and goes to a class in this group. I go too. At first I just watched but now I practice alongside my ds. I am always there ready to intervene if he gets disruptive.
It has been amazing for my son. He has grown in confidence and seems to take set backs in his stride much better than he did before.
Interestingly enough the junior black belt that works with him the most is a 14 year old with as. He now teaches small groups and is amazingly patient and kind.

zzzzz · 04/05/2014 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Loueytb3 · 07/05/2014 11:14

Good question zzzzz I'm not sure I would at the moment mainly because of the fact that he gets so tired. Its a bit of a vicious circle he needs to exercise to improve strength but at the same time, it exhausts him, and then his behaviour deteriorates. Currently thinking about waiting until September term.

Will check out shoto budo neverputasock thanks.

OneInEight - after school clubs are pretty much impossible because I work 4 days a week and the childminder can't pick up twice as she has other kids to look after. DTS1 does do dodgeball at lunchtimes though so I could use that as a reason why he can't do karate with his brother.

gambler - no, not yet. I want to wait and see if DTS2 settles down and is going to carry on doing it.

OP posts:

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