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Original poster

Tell me if school didn't believe you.

30 replies

Babieseverywhere · 30/04/2014 07:39

If you thought your child was struggling and your school did not believe you. Your child behaved relatively/ very well at school but melted down more in school runs and at home.

Who was right in the end ?

What did the school say do in response to results ?

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 30/04/2014 07:49

This is very common on this board. IME from here, Most children went on to develop severe anxiety, got excluded or refused school. The lucky ones got to be home educated to their parents spent a fortune on fighting for an independent special school.

claw2 · 30/04/2014 07:54

Ds was/is very much an internaliser and he hides his difficulties well, as he desperately wants to be 'good'. He bottles up his emotions in school, then expresses them at home, were he feels safe and secure and able to express his true feelings. To a lot of schools a child who is not causing them a problem, means there are no problems.

It is quite common, particularly in HFA. I don't think its a question of who is right, its more a question of trying to get school to recognise something, which can be very difficult to identify. And finding a school who WANT to try and understand.

PolterGoose · 30/04/2014 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience · 30/04/2014 08:07

My Dd3 was vomiting at school on a daily basis and having screaming meltdowns on the way in through the door every morning in reception.

1st school didnt ever believe me, I moved her in yr 3 with the support of everyone on this board and she was dxed on her 9th birthday 1 term after moving to a new school where they did believe me.

Hang in there Smile

PerfectlyAdequateFamilyCook · 30/04/2014 08:22

My dd2. Mode, high achieving pupil at school. Only issue they saw was 'immaturity' (she's 7).

Just dx'd with AS, although we went private to avoid the delays and doubters. We have been saying she has issues since she was 3ish.

Haven't told school yet (v recent dx). I think they will be surprised (although claim not to be)

PerfectlyAdequateFamilyCook · 30/04/2014 08:23

Grrr phone. model pupil

streakybacon · 30/04/2014 09:01

I was right about everything. Every single thing that two schools claimed weren't an issue and were proved in the end.

Even after dx, there was a reluctance to acknowledge his difficulties. No meaningful support, and despite lengthy and detailed reports advising on what he needed in schools, he got nothing that was relevant to his needs. He fell to bits.

We are one of the families who resorted to home education eventually, though it wasn't 'elective' in our case, but 'enforced'. We had nowhere else to go.

Borka · 30/04/2014 09:18

School don't believe me even with a diagnosis and even though during the whole second half of last term DS only had one week whenhe managed to attend full time.

I'm sure DS will be being home educated before the end of primary.

Skylar123 · 30/04/2014 10:35

School humoured me for years. Once we got a private dx they began to take some notice and they did put a few things in place as per the reports and autism advisory. Although I always thought they didn't believe the private dx. We recently have a nhs dx. They are trying but tbh they just don't get it. Ds looks ok at sch most of the time therefore they assume he is ok all of the time.

MariaNowEaster · 30/04/2014 13:11

I think lots of us have ended up as board regulars because school didn't believe us. Often schools don't seem to believe what they are told by doctors, ed psychs, speech therapists, OT's parents

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 30/04/2014 13:21

From school I've had the following claims

  • he's just playing up for you
  • it's your parenting
  • because he's doing well there can't be anything wrong with him
  • he's just being silly

As streaky said "Even after dx, there was a reluctance to acknowledge his difficulties. No meaningful support, and despite lengthy and detailed reports advising on what he needed in schools, he got nothing that was relevant to his needs." - there was a lot of that. Because he's not punching his CT, he hasn't been excluded, but he's not happy at playtimes or with homework and not making much progress.

But I've also had (from individual teachers) incredible compassion and understanding. One teacher could imitate his expression and interpret it for me (when he looks like this then I know I need to ask/do/say X and not Y).

Original poster
Babieseverywhere · 01/05/2014 18:18

Thanks for sharing your stories.

OP posts:
lougle · 01/05/2014 23:45

DD1 -HV/GP/Physio didn't believe me but when she started preschool she was swiftly picked up/assessed/dx. Now in special school.

DD2 -preschool/school 1 didn't believe me at all. School 2 saw anxiety but couldn't seem to join the dots. Now home educated as from this week.

lougle · 01/05/2014 23:45

DD1 -HV/GP/Physio didn't believe me but when she started preschool she was swiftly picked up/assessed/dx. Now in special school.

DD2 -preschool/school 1 didn't believe me at all. School 2 saw anxiety but couldn't seem to join the dots. Now home educated as from this week.

MyFabulousBoys · 02/05/2014 01:28

DS was:
Immature
Going through a phase
Naughty
Had an over anxious mother

Actually he has ADHD, hyper mobility, probable dyspraxia and multiple tic disorder. If I hadn't been so pushy and refused to accept their dismissive and unhelpful attitudes I think he would have been excluded before he was 9.

1805 · 02/05/2014 13:40

same here too.
I had a lovely "Oh, you're a creative/artistic type of family - most families like this have very little routine to their lives. Try establishing a bed time routine." from our schools senco.

Borka · 02/05/2014 13:55

Ooh, the over anxious mother comment incenses me. Yes Mr Headteacher, my child has autism & you're not putting in place the recommended suppport, that's why I'm anxious.

Mollyweasley · 02/05/2014 14:23

yeap same story here. We had DS diagnosed privately and then told the school. In pre-school I also had the "He is playing you up" comment, very painful!

AlarmOnSnooze · 02/05/2014 14:25

oh yes, Borka. The number of times I have almost said 'no wonder I'm anxious - you're dismissing my concerns, and not meeting my child's needs, leaving her confused and distressed. If this carries on for much longer, it will have an extremely detrimental effect on her school life'

ffs. I have a meeting with dd2's teacher next week to discuss the recent diagnosis... I already know it's not going to go well...

Borka · 02/05/2014 14:51

Good luck with the meeting, Alarm.

AlarmOnSnooze · 02/05/2014 15:24

Thanks, Borka.

School will express amazement at the dx, claim they see no particular needs within school time, and tell me there isn't much more they can do since dd2 is bobbing along at just above average and shows no chLlenging behaviour.

< sigh>

Still, I was told there wasn't much that could be done for dd1 years ago, and she now has a kick-arse statement, detailing provision which not many people win... Dd2 wouldn't get (and doesn't currently need) a statement, but that is not the same as not having needs which should be met

PolterGoose · 02/05/2014 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jerbil · 03/05/2014 04:43

Not just School didn't believe me! We went for a second opinion for our son to get him diagnosed. Every diagnosis my son got school doubted it but believe me now they are in no doubt. I'm fact they are now supporting our request to apply for support. The HT is still pretty good at the mo. If I'm honest though that statement application is as a result of DS1s psychologist ringing the HT and stating that they cannot cope!

It's taken till year 3 and there are still people who just say he's fine. Well he's far from fine and now we are within weeks of seeing a psychiatrist as he's going to go on meds for his debilitating OCD on top of everything else.

Stick with it, and stay strong.

KOKOagainandagain · 03/05/2014 12:32

DS1 was lazy, devious and manipulating me - when I sent a video of a meltdown (he was 'very shy and quiet' ie selectively mute in school) I was the subject of an emergency referral to social services. This was the Senco of an 'outstanding' m/s primary when he was 7. He is now 13 and at Indi ss.

Pootrouble · 03/05/2014 19:03

My dd is 4 and is quiet and shy and unassuming at school albeit quite anxious. At home she's a tyrannical menace and we are still pushing for answers