and a great big fail.
i seem to have the worlds worst pmt every month and just do not cope properly .
ds2 is 15 and his behaviour is so rude and cocky and selfish . He has been diagnosed with AS but i honestly dont know whether its that or hes just bloody horrible .
i usually put it down to that as i know that if i discipline him as i would have his NT brother the consequences arent pretty.
He just doesnt seem to have many of the traits other peoples AS kids seem to share , but then i dont really know anyone else in RL . I sometimes feel i am being foolish , a pushover because we are constantly dancing to his tune and being treated like dirt in return .
when i have pmt i seem to suddenly be unable to let it go and get hellbent on the fact that he gets away with his bad behaviour .(dh is always like this and im normally the one telling him to not react , give him time to calm , dont argue etc etc)
ds2 is really into fishing , dh takes him every weekend as we came to the conclusion that the only way to keep him going during the week was for him to have his fishing to look forward to at the end . before then he was refusing school , having massive meltdowns , totally non compliant .
it takes over every weekend and costs us a bloody fortune as hes now into match fishing but, if it makes a sometimes suicidal ds2 happy then its the way to go for us.
This weekend saturday was spent at two different fishing shops , dh bought ds2 a nice new jacket and sunday (today) was to be up early to the fishery (as usual)
made a big mistake , saturday night, asking him to do some homework . first he lied about it then he got angry and it escalated into him being really obnoxious and verbally abusive .
I asked him to stop etc and ds2 just kept arguing and continuing on and on. the things he was saying were so hurtful and we kept reminding him that it wasnt fair to treat us so horribly and then expect a fishing trip. but , he just doesnt back down .
dh did what we long since stopped doing and that was to say that if ds2 continued to make nasty comments he wasnt going fishing . He gave him a few chances to redeem himself but , no . so , the fishing trip was cancelled.
so , today , just as ds2 had threatened , he made our lives hell . (this is what he says if he doesnt get his way )this took the form of messing things up , throwing things around , shouting etc . At one point he got so in a rage that he was holding me by the arms and shaking me . We spent half an hour trying to get him to put the screwdriver he was waving around , down.
ds2 eventually turned to crying and then later, tonight , apologising .
obviously the trigger this time was asking him to do homework and i can understand how that was an issue , as school is an issue and tbh i have all but given up on homework. But , often , hes just plain rude something like , not having enough crisps in the cupboard could start it , him saying i should go shopping more , im a tightwad or something !
He also threatened as always that if we didnt change our minds and take him fishing he wouldnt go to school monday morning . This is why i stopped making consequences that werent instant . why cant i bloody do it right when i have pmt ?
i have spent the day in tears . i feel hopeless .
ds2 said he was finished with me , when i asked why he was so angry with me , he said 'i dont know youre just annoying and i hate you' he said he was mad we hadnt took him fishing and if we had everything would have been ok today .
i tried to explain that if he had stopped being horrible when we warned him , he would have gone fishing but he wouldnt accept that and said it was all my fault . he never seems to take any responsibility and i always get the blame (even when its dh)
Hes 15 , a big lad , very chatty and mature to everyone at the fishery , no one would believe it !
do other peoples AS kids really behave like this , or is ds2 really just taking the pi*s. should i have stuck to consequences even though it resulted in violence and destruction . Am i just being a pushover , am i being too reactive ?
i thought i had this sussed . do not know what is going on with my brain 
thanks if you have read this !