Assessment this week.

[Acciosanity]

We finally have the assessment from the Autism team for DS (7) this week.

I'm scared, so scared. I'm scared they'll say they see nothing there with him, that we're just rubbish parents who've messed him up. I'm equally scared that they will see what we see and say he is autistic.

I know in my heart he is, I've always known, even when others have shouted me down, but the thought of it being made official, well, it breaks my heart.

I don't want this life for him. I don't want him to struggle, to be scared, confused, not know how to behave or react.
I worry about him as he gets older, how will he manage? I see already the gap between him and his peers and I know it'll only get bigger.

Others see a snapshot of him and think he's fine. They don't see the daily struggle we have with him. The panic in his eyes when something doesn't go to plan. The bolting he does, the running into the road, the violence he displays to us.

Yet, he's my boy, my beautiful baby boy. He makes me laugh, he fills my heart with pride and joy. He's bright and sweet and kind.

I'm sick of being in limbo, not knowing how to explain when he's kicking off in public, trying to ignore the stares and tuts and mutters about him being a spoilt brat. He isn't! Then I think, "is he?" Have we done this?

Sorry, I just needed to get this down. I know you'll all understand.

I just wanted to give you a hug, I am waiting for an assessment for my son , maybe in summer and I feel the same.

But they won't give a dx unless he meets the criteria, and if he does, he does...

Same as Polter diagnosis has been the best thing for both dd2 and me. Good luck hope assessment goes well.

Well that was easy.

I went in, expecting a long fight. We walked out with a diagnosis there and then.

She saw through his coping mechanisms straight away, saw the little things he does that show he's stressed. Although he spoke to her when spoken to he made no eye contact with her, apparently he looked everywhere but at her. She picked up that he can't process information easily, she even mimicked to us the way he moves his eyes when trying to understand something. She saw he was passive on the outside yet has a need to control play on his terms. How he's systematic in his activities, he lined things up when doing an activity.

She said she can see why the teachers haven't noticed things as he's very good at hiding his anxieties but under the surface he's bubbling away.

So she felt confident to diagnose Aspergers without the need for others to see him.

I'm relieved yet sat here in tears.

I feel validated for the last 5 years of everyone telling me I was looking for something that wasn't there. I was right.

I need to dust myself off and get going.

Does anyone have any recommendations of books for him and also his younger sister please?

Oh and a big thanks for all of you who've listened and advised, I've posted lots but under a different name.

It is so important to have the validation after swimming upstream for so long. Take time out to be kind yourself. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

I have found Carole Gray's book of social stories invaluable. Likewise The Incredible Five Point Scale.