Best way to deal with people staring.

[ImaginaryPoster]

DD2 rarely goes into full melt down but when the does I have developed a good 'stop looking, you're not helping' counter stare.

But DD2 is always fidgeting, falling off the chair, knocking things off shelves, swaying and generally stands out.

How do you deal with someone staring at her when she is doing her normal things?

For example. In the Dentists waiting room last week DD was being her, so much so I didn't notice anything. She was falling from the chair, switching chairs often, lining up the magazines, swaying and falling over her own feet. DD1 and I became aware of a guy staring and tutting at her, shaking his head and giving me 'control your child' looks. First I didn't say anything but ending up saying "This is a good day. Please stop staring, she can't stop doing that but if it bothers you, you could try just not looking" But he huffed and puffed and I don't know how I could have dealt with it better. DD1 was very conscious of him and was getting embarrassed by the attention DD2 was getting (DD1 is shy).

As she's getting older (nearly 5) This is happening more often and I don't know how do deal with the stares when she is just being her.

I think ignoring it- or saying what you said is a perfectly good way to deal with it.

Unfortunately, when a child looks 'normal' it is hard for people to understand that they might have something like asd, adhd or anything else that affects behaviour. You'd think it might cross their minds though, with all the publicity these things get nowadays- so it says more about them than you or your child!

The thing is you cannot go through life suppressing your child- it would be bad for them, obviously there are some situations in which you will need them to sit still and be quiet, but your child cannot stop being fidgety or wobbly etc for everyone elses benefit- providing she is not banging hard on tables like drums or squealing/ singing or anything else which is not acceptably disturbing or annoying, then you can't really stop her, especially as she might actually be behaving really well by managing not to do those things!

I'm struggling with this as well. DS1 doesn't really "know" his condition, or that he is any different at all, so it makes things a bit uncomfortable. And I don't want him to think it's an excuse for bad behaviour either (I don't honestly know if he would start using it as an excuse for everything - he is 7yo after all - that's typical of the age ).

Ignore.
Stare back (especially good if you have a resting bitch face)
Say hello or comment on the weather
Ask them to carry your bags for you.

When people are staring (and they do as dts1 has some unusual noises that he makes) I look them straight in the eye and say one of the following with a questioning look on my face...

"Can I help you"?

"Why are you staring at my son"?

"Do I know you"?

Which usually stops the staring with immediate effect. I do have one of those don't mess with me faces though (so I'm told)!

A friend just ignores so whatever suits you really.

I have this problem with DS2 and DS4. DS2 is nearly 6 and gets hysterical when people make comments about him which inevitably means huffing and tutting from strangers. DS1 tends to deal with it by explaining cheerily about DS2's disabilities which usually embarrasses them into silence although doesn't help DS2. I prefer the hard stare method. We usually get questions to start with "why is he in a wheelchair?", "can he walk?", "can he talk?" etc. Then when they've upset DS2 the huffing and tutting start. That's just the random strangers. We get "I'm not having that on my bus" from one bus driver (presumably talking about his wheelchair rather than DS2 himself) and the "well, he's not properly disabled" and "some people are worse off you know" from family and other mums at school.

DS4 is only 10 months old so doesn't know he's being stared at. We normally get "advice" with him. "He looks uncomfortable" (there's nothing much I can do about that as he has the maximum support in his buggy and it's reclined as far as it will go). "poor baby, being force-fed" (he has a cleft palate and development delay, I have to feed him like this). Most of our family just don't understand that he has a problem at all and think I'm just overprotective and worried for no reason.

So I find the hard stare to the rude people and smile and nod to the people offering advice. I'm considering following DS2's example and lie on the floor screaming next time though [have to laugh or I'll cry emoticon]