Dear wise people, please offer advice! Sorry for essay...
DD (3.7) has been under a paed/multidisciplinery team for years now due to varied developmental issues primarily arising out of her prematurity. She has so far been diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy, some delay in most areas, tube fed and most recently our paed has brought up exploring ASD even if just to rule out, as she has social communication problems amongst others. We have had TAC meetings for the last year or so, largely because politics between the various departments meant nothing useful was getting done and they have always been really helpful. We have another in a few weeks and this one I am dreading. Since the last one it has emerged that several of the team have been trying to contest various things and telling everyone different things to their faces. At the last meeting, it was agreed DD needed more support in nursery and her hours increasing (she currently only has 5hrs a week as we were waiting for funding to be released to entitle her 1:1 to stay with her); the Early Years person in charge of this agreed in the meeting it was needed then a week later tried saying it was rubbish and that she needed support cutting, despite nursery and paed stating otherwise. I spoke to her last week and she told me she was "shocked" at the level of support DD seems to require. We have not seen physio since January and we have not had any active SALT involvement for over a year; since she started speaking and independant walking around her 3rd birthday all support seemed to drop off the face of the earth, although she very much still struggles with communication and mobility. The big thing though seems to be the ASD-or-otherwise issue. The EY person and SALT have suddenly come over very bothered and it is setting some alarm bells ringing.
Our paed referred us onto another senior SALT who specialises in ASD. It appears that by our current SALTs own admission that once she was told about the referral both she and the Early Years lady swapped information (what information I have no idea, as neither of them have seen DD any more than for a half hour observation in nursery in the last 6 months and don't communicate with nursery or me inbetween) and the referral suddenly disappeared deemed "unnnecessary". SALT told me she couldn't possibly be anywhere on the spectrum because she is good with adults and it would be obvious in all settings. The EY team said much the same and rounded it off with the very bizarre "I suppose we'll have to just let the assessments go ahead as unfortunately I can't stop them even if I tried." She was also very keen I knew that she was on the panel for any local specialist units within M/S primaries and told me that they give preference over un-statemented children. I'm not entirely sure myself DD does have an ASD but I am very unconvinced and rather riled by the counter 'arguments'!
so..
Should they discuss referrals with me? Am I being over-zealous to expect to be informed if one is being put forward or contested? Also should some members of the team discuss DD without informing others, including myself?
Do I try and sort all issues as much as possible before the meeting or put all my cards on the table saying I am not happy and expect to be either told I am mad or unrealistic or both?