Okay, well the first thing to do is not look at this meeting as your 'one chance' to get things right for your child. It isn't.
The 1:1 thing.
Their arguments:
- She can't have TA velcroed to her the whole time as that will stop her being independent.
Answer: Independence will not be learned by osmosis. She has ASD so learns nothing by 'just being in a classroom'. Independence needs to be explicitly taught as does all of her lessons and this will be a full-time requirement from someone fully trained in this, with progress from dependency towards independence measured carefully in order to ascertain progress and eventually a tapering off of support.
- There are more severely affected children than your dd who do not have 1:1.
Answer: I'm sorry I have no knowledge of those children and whether their needs are or aren't being met. We are here to discuss dd and HER needs.
- Research shows that children with SEN make less progress when they have a 1:1 as they get less teacher time.
Answer: So let's make sure dd's teacher understands clearly that just because she has a TA doesn't mean she can ignore her then.
- Having a 1:1 trailing around after her will stop her from forming friendships as children they will get in the way.
Answer: She has ASD. Friendships require facilitating. If the TA gets in the way then they will require extra training in how and when to step back but remain vigilant and undistracted in order to step back in again and repair the situation.
But tbh, you might not feel confident or able to say all of this on the day, so often the best thing you can do is listen to all of their protests about what it is you think your child needs and then respond to them in writing afterwards, giving them the above list if these issues were raised (most of them will be, I'm sure).
A usual tactic is to say very little and let them try and justify what they have written. Often the will say, 'when we say that she'll get access to speech and language therapy as deemed appropriate, OF COURSE that means weekly sessions' the only sensible response is 'Well if that is what you truly MEAN, then blimmin well write that!'.
Finally don't agree anything however lovely it might sound. Simply say 'thank you, that sounds like it might work though I'll have to get back to you after I have spoken to my husband/advocate/lawyer/MNers.......