Just coming on here to have a little cry

[Queencat]

Had some friends and their dc's over today. Their dc's are NT, my dd 8 has an ASD I've never noticed it as being so glaringly obvious as today.

She hid upstairs, came down and started growling, cried because of the noise.

I love her so much and I'm so ashamed that I felt embarrassed of her. How can I be such a nasty person?

She had planned an Easter egg hunt and because it wasn't how she had thought it was going to be all hell broke loose. She went upstairs and played on her ds but was growling at the other kids.

Oh no Queencat that sounds like a difficult day. I sympathise with you. I have been out and about in the NT world with my DS3 (ASD and learning difficulties) today & at times I was definitely thinking "oh no don't make a show of yourself again"

I love him dearly and I think he's a really great kid but sometimes I wish he would be quiet.

I think it's an age thing. My dd has ASD and is nearly 8. It's hard seeing the way the girls in her class are maturing socially and she's getting more and more different by the day :( I have ASD myself (undiagnosed) so I should understand, but I cringe from time to time when her "differences" are at their most obvious. Don't feel bad, it's human nature to want your child to be happy and it's awfully to watch the ASD spooling things she should enjoy.

I really sympathise! My DS is non-verbal and he sometimes makes a lot of noises, which we are so used to we don't even notice it, it's part of the background as he hums and squeals around the place. But people sometimes give us funny looks outside, and I suppose this will get worse as he gets older and no longer looks like a cute toddler giggling to himself, but is a child making a lot of funny noise. I do worry about it, and sometimes wish he would stop it, and then feel bad about wishing that, as it is who he is.

You were caught in between two worlds, two cultures. It IS embarrassing and hard. You haven't been nasty.

Queencat, I know exactly where you're coming from. I often feel embarassed about my son's odd behaviour and then hate myself for it.

The thing is, these feelings are involuntary. It doesn't make you nasty or mean you don't love your child more than anything else in the entire world. I think there's an element of protectiveness in the embarrassment too, or at least there is in my case. You don't want your child to be treated badly so seeing them behave in ways that can draw negative attention, can make you feel uncomfortable because you fear that it makes them vulnerable to ridicule, rejection and so on. Or at least that's the way I see it.

Sympathies anyway. You are not alone!