Does anyone know anything about ADHD/ADD or can just give me general advice on my 3yo DD please?

[wheretheairisrarefied]

Hello,

I hope you don't mind me posting here, been on MN for years but never posted here.

I have a DD who will be 4 in June. After yet another disastrous trip out with her today, where I ended up totally losing it with her in the car afterwards
:( it occurred to me today that perhaps she isn't just an awkward child but that there might be a medical condition behind it.

I'll try and keep it brief. But basically, she is nearly 4 and still seems to be stuck in the 'terrible twos' phase. She has a sister 2 years older and although I don't expect her to be a carbon copy, I thought she may have matured a bit.

The core of the issue is that she just refuses to follow instructions. I am firm and consistent with her. People say 'just be consistent' but I have been having the SAME argument with her every single time we cross the road and she doesn't want to hold my hand.

I also always follow through with consequences, normally give 2 warnings then do it. But it's like she can't envisage the consequence until it's happening?

Until now I've just put this down to general toddler bolshiness but am now beginning to wonder and have started to put together a few other things about her, which I'll try to summarise:

• she was an easy, dream baby til 6 months when she started waking in the night ALL THE TIME. I mean, she'd spend most of the night awake - we'd spend 30 mins trying to get her back to sleep and she'd be crying again 5 mins after our heads hit the pillow. She finally came out of this at two after I spent a week sleeping on her floor shushing her whenever she woke up.

• she has a habit of 'gurning' I can't really explain it, but if anyone she doesn't knows well talks to her she just gurns at them. Does the same if I ask her a question she doesn't want to answer (such as "why didn't you put your shoes on when I asked you 3 times?")

• When she was about 2 she started pulling her hair out and eating it. She did stop this after a few weeks, thankfully.

• Has always had a thing of licking wet things. Say if she put her hand in a puddle of water she'd have to lick the water off. Took her swimming today and she had her tongue out half the time trying to lick the water.

• she is very loud and characterful at home, but at pre school they think she is very shy and quiet as a mouse. Doesn't really play with other children except for my friend's son who she knows outside of pre school.

I realise all of this could well fall within the bounds of normal. But she starts school in September and I'm so worried she just isn't ready - she won't even walk to school at the moment, she will sit on the floor and screech half the way there on the school run to drop her sister. A ten minute walk takes us about 45 mins, and we get passed by lots of other children her age quietly walking past holding hands with their mothers.

Ok, this is probably a bit long now. I just wondered - what should I do? Should I take her to the GP? Or am I seeing things that aren't really there?

Sorry, also meant to add:

• has issues with food, won't eat most things
• was v difficult to toilet train, ongoing accidents for a year afterwards (though finally there now)

Thanks both.

I'm nervous of taking her to the GP on the basis of her behaviour. This is because I have a friend with a DS of an almost identical age (our older DC are the same ages too) who is having her DS assessed for ASD atm.

When she initially went to her GP (we have the same one) he was very clear that he would not refer for behavioural issues, only developmental ones.

I'm worried he'll dismiss me as she has no developmental issues (friends DS is speech delayed which is what got him put through for further assessment).

DD's speech is very good, but I'm interested in what you say about poor receptive language - what does this mean?

thanks.

quietly would you mind giving me an idea as to what you think it could be?

Hi where I'am glad I came across your post as I was literally about to write a very similar thread about my 3yr old DS! I had been thinking for a while that there might actually be something wrong with him, as everything you describe is exactly how he acts too. I'm starting to struggle taking him out anywhere, we have friends the same age, and they are not like this at all. Would be good to know how you get on at the GP as I think we may book into see ours too just for peace of mind.

Hi kt1991 - I will let you know if we go :)

Quietly, I don't know. I will take her, but I don't agree that she can't follow simple instructions and doesn't understand what she's being asked. Some of the time she does, and sometimes she doesn't.

Other things, she can be great and lovely at sharing - often totally unprompted. It's like she just gets possessed by a devil sometimes though and can't or won't process what it is I need her to do. But other times she's fine and will do things.

For example, I asked her to get dressed three times this morning and then we'd go swimming and she completely ignored me.

I finally got her to do it by saying if she hadn't started getting dressed by the time I'd counted to ten we wouldn't go. She did then get dressed. She understood what I wanted, but just wouldn't do it.

Poltergoose, thank you I've just looked PDA. A lot of that sounds familiar...

I have a 7 yr old whom I have had issues with since he was born. I knew he had ADHD from about the age of 3. All the comments written above ring bells with me. I understand the hair-tearing frustration of parenting such a spirited child. I have been passed from various unhelpful doctors, parenting courses, well meaning health visitors and unsympathetic teachers. Even after a diagnosis two years ago, it has been a bumpy path. I have kept every bit of evidence in a file that has just been submitted as part of my son's Statutory Assessment application. It is a long road but trust your gut. You know your child. You are right. Xx