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New term is 13 days away and counting...

14 replies

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 10/04/2014 22:24

Ds just cannot cope. And consequently I am not managing things well. I can give him the time he needs on his own. I can't give him a 'normal' day. And we are pinging back and forth between people for help. Aaaargh! Oh, and the house is a tip which really doesn't help.

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PolterGoose · 11/04/2014 08:08

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Ineedmorepatience · 11/04/2014 08:29

I used to find carrying on with the routine helped when Dd3 was younger. We would just do things slower but still go out in the middle of the day even if it was just fora short time.

Sorry you are having such a horrid time Smile

Good luck for today and the next 12 Smile

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 11/04/2014 21:59

Ds1 is 3, nearly 4. He is currently being assessed by the cdc. Paeds originally thought somewhere on the autistic spectrum, too young for ADHD. But now leaning towards the latter but with traits of ASD.

He is a gorgeous boy but so full of energy. He's like a constantly fizzing firework, but he can be so particular about things. He has to be first, he obsesses over his trains, he won't eat anything other than toast for breakfast, cheese sandwiches and cheesy puffs for lunch and dippers and waffles for tea at the moment. He's got worse since the holiday started as normally we can vary his tea within dippers or sausages with plenty of veg.

Normally he does 3 full days at preschool, moon, wed and fri. Mummy days are inbetween. Ds wants to be at preschool! He knows it's the holiday but every morning I have the 'is it a preschool day?' Followed by an tantrum that it's not, that daddy has gone to work, that he wants daddy, his socks are the wrong colour, he wants his pjs back on. You name it, it's wrong. And then We go on from there.

Ds takes up so much of our time, the other dc don't get a look in. And yet consequently ds doesn't get as much 1:1 time as he needs, as it's mostly working through the day on damage limitation. Stopping him from hitting/biting/kicking/licking/smashing me, his siblings, dh, grandparents. Thankfully he doesn't do it to the neighbourhood kids, but then he will lash out at us instead.

I can't give ds as much of me as he needs during the day. Right now he's curled up in our bed because ds2 has learnt to climb his cot so I've had to take the side off, and he roams all over inc ds1's bed. We don't have space to separate 4 dc out. It sucks that we own our own home, otherwise we'd be able to walk away from our cramped 2 bed house. But it is also the home where ds1 was born so it's special to us.

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MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 11/04/2014 22:36

Oh, today was a wee bit better as we had a 'normal' Friday morning where I took ds to our local additional needs group. This time I was able to leave our other 3 with my sister, normally I'd have to take the twins with ds1 but today was just the two of us. So he had a couple of hours time out. But he did just go crazy, throwing himself and balls around the room, racing round the garden and bouncing on the trampoline. I had to cuddle him to bring him back to earth a bit, which he fought against. Ds doesn't know when to take a step back out of a situation so he keeps pushing and pushing until he's so sky high you have to drag him kicking and screaming out. I'm still trying to work out whether more chill outs (and therefore more screaming tantrums) or less but longer and more ferocious ones is the way to go until ds learns that I'm not doing this to upset him but help him learn his limits.

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MooMummyMoo · 13/04/2014 19:23

Hi MiniSoks, just to say your situation sounds similar to mine. My DD is 4, she has a one to one at pre-school and when it comes to school holidays, blimey, we get her full vent. She is also one of 4 DCs like you. However much time I try to spend with her, whatever I do, it isn't enough. I really dread the holidays I have to say.

My only coping technique so far is to have lots planned. Something, however small, to do each day. Just to get us out of house for a bit as a change of scene can help if only a tiny bit for my sanity.

So no answers I am afraid but just to say that we are in the same boat, you are not alone! X

lougle · 13/04/2014 23:45

MIniSoks I'm not going to be all 'Pollyanna' with you, but I just wanted to say that I have been there and it does get better, in some ways. DD1 was dx when she was 2.9 and I had DD2 (13 months) and was 11 weeks pregnant with DD3. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything alone, because DD1 was too much of a risk.

Now, she's still a handful - no sense of danger, etc., but as the others have grown older, they can be trusted to wait if things get tricky.

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 15/04/2014 08:28

Thanks lovelies. I don't mind being told it will get better - even if I don't believe it, it's good to hear!

I bawled over a text message last night. I have home start and during term time she comes in every week. Because she has her own dc, during holidays we work to every other week. So I've been clinging on to her her arrival this morning, only for her to cancel last night and ask if we can do another day. So she's coming Thursday now. She's a lovely volunteer and when she's here is great with all my dc. But I think I'm going to have to mention last minute cancellations don't really help ds. He knew she was supposed to be coming today - not telling him doesn't work as he's already worked out the routine and expects it. There's nothing I can do, I fully understand that sometimes things come up which can't be helped. But it is so frustrating that I've already been kicked, jumped on, hit and screamed at. So those couple of hours where I could either have sent him off to the park with her, or sent the other dc off with her and spent the time with ds, are now just out of reach again.

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MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 17/04/2014 17:59

Tick, tick, tick... I only have to survive 5 more days. Thankfully dh is not working this Saturday and Sunday HS came today so we went to the park for the morning. Ds was here, there and everywhere. Whizzing up and down the ramps at the little skate park there on his balance bike. Crumbled every piece of his sandwiches for lunch across the lounge floor while I was doing dishes, then stomped on each of the twins' crisps they'd dropped while spreading his own and stomping on them too. My vacuum doesn't half take a battering!

Poor ds is a ball of rage right now so I've escaped to another room with the twins to leave him to calm down :(

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OneStepForwardTwoBack · 17/04/2014 19:24

Hiya, it really does get better. Honestly. I used to read that on here when my ds was 4 and life was like Hell on Earth! He is 6, nearly 7 now. He does have ASD. Life is challenging. More frustrating actually than challenging these days. But my word, life is a hundred times easier than it was. I forget sometimes (think I have actually blocked out most of the memories!) Tuesday will come round.

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 20/04/2014 20:59

I've sent ds to nana and grandad's for the night. The rest of us need a break from his bounciness. Nana and grandad can give him 2:1 attention so at least one can go to the loo/make a cuppa without worrying what you're going to come back to - today it was crushed snails while playing outside.

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MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 22/04/2014 02:48

Just today to get through and then the new term starts. HS volunteer should be with me. Ds is looking forward to their arrival. Hoping either we will all go to the park or she will take dts and my older daughter so ds and I can bake cakes or just spend time together with the Lego.

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MooMummyMoo · 22/04/2014 08:46

Our Easter hols are a bit different for some reason so we were off last week and then this week. Today I was supposed to be taking DD to a special play scheme where the two of us would do bouncy castle, cooking, soft play, music, swimming... But my childcare has fallen through for the other DDs so I had to cancel last night :(

Feeling quite stressed about how we are going to get through today (not to mention the rest of the week). She was getting aggressive yesterday evening - because we had a fairly boring day i think - so it does not bode well.

Could do with a few honks if anyone reads this.

pannetone · 22/04/2014 10:51

Hope your day with the HS volunteer goes well MiniSoks. Honks for you MooMummy - it is so hard when you have to change plans at the last minute - for you and all your DDs. Hope you manage to get out of the house today.

My situation is rather different - I have DS3 and DD (DC4) off school with anxiety - both have HFA. They have been off since late Jan Sad. So although today should be the first day back for DD I have just taken her into school for an hour where we have a session with a TA away from the class. Now back home and that caused DD so much anxiety she won't want to leave the house again today....

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 23/04/2014 07:56

Honks mummymoo. I hate changes to plans as they upset ds. I'm torn between telling him what we should be doing in case it doesn't happen, or not telling him and have him kick off because he wants to stay at home.

Today is the day though. Today we go back to school. Ds appears not to be looking forward to it now it's here. Very angry/shouty/noisy this morning. And pushing/pulling his big sister while throwing things round. Hmmm. Hate to say it but I hope he keeps it up as preschool don't often see this side of him. And he has a lot of pent up energy/aggression today. Have tried to get him to chill already but not working and dh was early start today too so not had him around as much as perhaps needed.

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