dd2's report is in, and unsurprisingly she has AS

[AlarmOnSnooze]

my problem now is, how to broach the subject with her, and discuss etc?

dd1 has severe ASD. while being incredibly understanding of her sister's difficulties, dd2 has often (with the bluntness that only someone on the spectrum can possess ) expressed relief that she is 'not autistic'.

she is a black and white kind of girl. her sister is autistic, and has huge difficulties, delays etc, and so therefore (in dd2's mind - this is supposition as not discussed, but I am absolutely certain this is how it will play out) dd2 cannot be autistic, as she does not have the same huge problems (significant, but not the same scale at all) no delays etc.

I would rather have it all out in the open, but have no idea how to even begin to bring it up with dd2. I think she might see it as a weakness, and failure (she is a massive perfectionist) - not something she would see as a weakness in others. she is completely au fait with different people having different strengths, reaching goals int heir own time and way, etc - but it would appear that this only applies to other people, not to dd2.

so how do I tell her that she is, in fact, the one thing she has often said she is glad she isn't?

We have a great book called "Inside Aspergers looking out" It is funny but with a good clear message that people with Aspergers are different but that thats ok.

If she has actually got an Aspergers diagnosis then I should think it will be a bit easier than if she has an Asd diagnosis the same as her sister.

A MH nurse once explained the spectrum interms of a line from 1 to infinity, 1 being aperfectly NT person with absolutely no Asd issues at all, up to 10 was all NT people because even if they had traits of Asd they werent impacting on their lives in a negative way. Once you get past 10 and start having difficulties then you are stepping into the autistic spectrum and of course the further on you go the more difficulties you have.

It is fairly basic but it really helped me to understand.

Good luck

Do you have to talk about autism at this point? Coukd you simple not rely on the term Aspergers?

Rosie and Lenny are good examples for when you bring them both together.

That's tricky. Could you find some really cool people who also happen to have AS, and talk about their AS and how it helped them do x?

Oooh, lots of lovely replies. Just stopping in briefly as a bits manic here, to say thank you very much. Will look in depth once the troublesome baby goes for his nap, but looks like some brilliant ideas

Right, a moment's peace, finally.

Thanks everyone, it all looks really helpful.

as for questions asked:

dx paragraph states: 'these difficulties confirm she fulfils the diagnosis of ASD (DSMV). Given her early language skills and articulate presentation, parents should access information under Asperger's syndrome' which neatly bridges the getting-rid-of-AS-as-a-dx bit. So technically she has the same dx as dd1, which one day she will read herself (in all probability), and I don't want to lie to her about that. Am happy to stress the AS part, though, as she is clearly very different from dd1 (on the surface at least; in actual fact, they are the very definition of language skills splitting As from classic autism! dd2 has all the same issues, mostly to the same extent, but given her language skills, and coping mechanisms which arise form being a girl, she can rationalise a lot more and so can cope so much better. dh and I have often joked that the difference between them is that dd2 doesn't have the severe language disorder).

I have been recommended All Cats Have Asperger's before. I am resisting buying it because I dislike the implication the title seems to have - that 'we are all on the spectrum' angle. I don't think we all are, and I'm not sure it would help dd2 (I realise I am overthinking, as it would appear to be about cats , but let's face it, she's not the greatest at generalising and learning form inference ). I would be happy to be told my thinking is bollocks.

I will watch the video in a moment, zzzzz,

dd2 is 7, jellyhead. dd1 is 9 (and ds, who is also in the system, and who dd2 keeps saying 'I hope ds isn't autistic, like me' about is nearly 2).

lougle - I don't know any cool people in RL with AS (aside from probably me, and my brother. not sure we'd count as cool to anyone though ). I am wary of the 'famous and cool' aspect - eg Bill Gates/wildly successful types, as she is such a perfectionist already, and then to fall short would be damaging, I think. I don't need her measuring herself against hugely successful people at the moment - she seriously has no concept of adult/child differences, and so would literally measure against successful adults, and feel a failure if she cannot instantly do the same.

thanks for the book references - I like the sound of mini-novels, and anything with 'different is good' is a good start in our house. zzzzz - the Wrinkle Quintet has a reading age of 10+ on Amazon US. Is this accurate, do you think? dd2 has a technically advanced reading age, but severe processing problems leave her general understanding of the story/plot at around the 10th centile, so quite severely behind.

to everyone, this has been really helpful.

Thanks again.

I will try to get past my blind spot with te title then, Polter.

Hmmm, James and the giant peach a but involved yet, she's still a couple of steps down from there in terms of understanding the story.

We didn't really get on with 'All cats have Aspergers book' Too metaphoric.

DS just needs something a bit more precise.

He's also quite young Polter. He wasn't even interested in the Rosie video. I think it requires a level of emotional maturity he just doesn't have. Self-reflection is not something I think he does much of. And his school placement means he hasn't developed those questions through anxiety I think.

He knows he has autism. He has never asked what that means.