Any advice please to help DD suffering from Anxiety

[Mummy23Monkeys]

I have read quite a few threads on here which have been very helpful so thought I would look to you knowledgeable people for advice please.

I have concerns about 2 of my children (which in itself makes me feel like I'm a paranoid mum) but will start with my DD.

I had concerns about her since age 3 and initially spoke to the health visitor who agreed my concerns needed looking into and the process began, when she started school at 4 the school thought I was mad as they just thought she was very 'sensitive'.
I won't list all the concerns but a lot were around routine, not liking change, terrible seperation anxiety (cried every day at nursery then clung to me when leaving her every day in reception class, for the whole school year!!), also sensory issues she chews things a lot (her nails, clothes, random objects) and has a massive fear of loud noises (hand driers, hoover, road works, sirens, fireworks etc)

After assessment we were told she had ASD traits but not enough for diagnosis, she 'just' suffers from anxiety. And that was that nothing further was done. By this time she was in Y1 and was much happier in school as the structure suited her much better than the 'free play' environment.

DD is now in Y3 but still struggling and my concerns are that although she has learnt to deal with a lot of her anxiety (she no longer freaks out going into a crowded school hall for assembly for example) and she covers her ears for some noises rather than get upset (but still cant handle fireworks or thunder) she still struggles with new things such as a school trip, she won't be able to sleep the night before, we have to google where the trip is so she knows about the place first, and will complain of stomach ache on the morning of the trip which I know from experience that her stomach is in knots from the worry. Depending on what the new thing is she can get into such a state which I can only think is a panic attack, which can take hours for her to calm down again. This recently happened at school and the TA said she sobbed all morning and nothing they tried helped her.

She chews her nails terribly and we have to have a bedtime routine of taking bad dreams out and putting good dreams in as she has a lot of nightmares.

I don't know if this is the right place to ask this but I feel like I have run out of ideas and she will always get herself in such a state over certain things, I just feel helpless and so sad that life is a constant worry for her and she is never relaxed.

Sorry this ended up being so long and I know that this is nothing compared to what some of you are going through but any advice would really be appreciated.

Thanks PolterGoose Im sorry to ask lots of questions but is it one referral that would assess for all these possibilities? We were initially thinking to have DD reassessed for possible ASD/Aspergers, then school have mentioned Dyslexia, now I have just been looking at Sensory Processing Disorder! I'm getting myself quite confused now!!

Ok thank you so much for your advice, with regards to her Anxiety diagnosis we do accept this she definately suffers from quite severe anxiety at times. We haven't been offered any help to deal with this all we do are the things we try at home eg. Preparing her for new things coming up, she has the book what to do when you worry too much, we have a routine at bedtime to try and avoid nightmares. They are aware of it at school and have a list on her desk what to do when she starts to panic about something, to try and give her a focus and a way of keeping calm.

My concern is that there is more than Anxiety going on as she definately has sensory issues and is struggling with some things at school, maths especially as she finds numbers very difficult, she also finds writing very tiring. I think she is also finding friendships quite tough at the minute as she seems much younger than her 'friends' which they seem to make fun of. She seems exhausted when she gets home from school and we usually have a meltdown before bedtime over something.

I thought talking to school would have been the best thing but because she is doing okay with no major problems then they have no concerns about her. I'm worried that if she is finding school hard now how will she cope as it gets harder and the move to secondary school!

I have been keeping a diary since my original post so I have lots of examples, I might book to see the GP about possible help/support with her anxiety and see if he thinks there is anything more that needs looking into?

My DD experienced similar difficulties in Year 3 and when I expressed concerns to the GP was told she was just 'precocious'. Eventually insisted on referral to CAHMS who said they couldn't help because they were a service for children with severe mental illnesses. We eventually went private to help her deal with her increasing signs of depression and low self esteem and to our surprise, she was diagnosed with AS.

Took this diagnosis to GP in order to get referral to NHS assessor as apparently private dx did not entitle us to any support. This happened over the course of two years, and this was with me being very pushy insistent on finding her the help she needed.

Finally she has access to a social group for ASD children and is really benefitting from strategies in place at school.

Good luck getting your DD the help she needs and hang on there thRough the frustration!!

It sounds like it would be useful for you to know what triggers your daughter's anxiety. If she has ASD this will be very hard to identify without a assessment because of the very nature of ASD and the lack of personal awareness in girls with autism. If I were you I would go the private route if at all possible. A private psychologist will be able to consider your DD strength and weaknesses and identify what it is that is making her so anxious.Even if she doesn't have ASD, the report will be a good support to identify strategies that will help her both at school and at home if needed.