Embarrassed of my DS behaviour

[adrianna1]

I feel like my son is immature, he is four years old and he does not act like one. This could be because he is only says 10 words and acts like a 2 year old when he is upset.

We went to the doctors today and my DS was playing with this child, he was playing with the child appropriately but then he got right up close to the boys face, squinting his eye. ( Why does he do that?) The boy's mum moved her DS away from mine and I felt so ashamed and took my son straight home and cried.

The up close face thing he does, he got it from me as we are always pulling silly faces at each other and bringing our faces closer together... but he should not be doing this with other kids as they would not get it...I also have a friend who's son has a speech disorder and if her DS wants to play with a kid, he would always bite them as a way of saying that he wants to play...... is this an ASD thing or because of his severe language delay.....I get confused to work out if he is doing this behaviour because of his ASD or because of his language delay.

Coming back from home, DS was playing with my phone and then he got upset( because I would not give him something) and he threw my IPhone on the floor, smashing the screen... I gave him a stern look and told him off ( I did not shout a him) and then he just began to cry cry cry cry cry. I ignored him and walked out of the room, and he followed me and went straight up to my face and then cried cried cried... I did not give him any eye contact put he kept pulling my face so that I can look at him and he cried cried cried again.

I'm just a bit sick of it to be honest. He acts like a 2 year old..I'm sorry to say...yes he has a very severe language delay and I have not met any kids whose language is severe as his, so do not have any experience...but i just feel like....taking a break.

Language delay can affect many other areas of his development particularly social interaction as this is heavily based on communication. Some of it can look similar to ASD. Is your ds getting any support? How much SALT does he have? What about at nursery? Temper tantrums are likely to be more common and bigger due to his lack of communication. I'm afraid you will also have to develop a thick skin to other people and children's reactions (and possibly an even thicker one for getting support from school).

Do you have a dh or family who can give you a break? Dealing with SEN can take so much energy that sometimes just taking a few hours out is what you need.

I think his behaviour in the doctors was an attempt at social comunication, he didnt hurt the other child and I dont think you have any reason to feel embarrassed.
He cant talk to other children so he has tried to make contact in another way, actually he should be praised and commended for his attempts.

I also dont think that a child who is like a 2 yr old would understand the value of a phone and wouldnt probably even realise that it might breaks! I also dont think children have the ability to look ahead at the consequences of their actions when they are upset and cross.

You sound really sad and stressed and I think you need to take some time out and have a break if you can. Does your son go to nursery? He is entitled to a 15 hours a week free nursery place which would give you a break.

You have done a great thing joining this board, you can get lots of support on here but you may also be able to access a family support worker from your nearest sure start childrens centre, they can offer face to face advice and suppot and help to arrange appointments etc.

Your little boy needs you to support him and love him for who he is please try not to see him as naughty, he isnt he is struggling with communication and needs support.

Be kind to yourself and good luck

@Bilberry- Thanks for replying-

Yes he does have SALT, no much support from nursery... I know that he gets frustrated because he cannot communicate, but at times I feel that why can't he act like a four year old.

Every time I get a break, I spend that time researching specialist schools for DS. But, I will take time off.

@Ineedmorepatience I guess it was because it looked odd and because the parents wouldn't understand and that my DS should of realised that the boy was uncomfortable.

Thanks, I've done the right thing joining this board, as the other members have given me great advice. Yes I will take a break and not see my child as naughty, even though I do know he knows what exactly he is doing as he would NEVER disobey his dad.

It's really important that you treat your DS as if he is his particular developmental age. That way, you can be there with him and help to nudge him along. If you have expectations of him typical of a 4 year old, then all you're offering is an impossible hurdle for him to jump, which would be stressful and, ultimately harmful, to you.

As for help at nursery/school, quite often, that's not going to be forthcoming without pressure. I can't remember if your DS has a statement, already, but if he doesn't apply for one.
www.ipsea.org.uk/What-you-need-to-know/SEN/Statutory-assessment.aspx

to you = to you both

Re:phone get one of these. We have one for ds's ipad, and it is great - my phone is unprotected so he wouldn't be allowed to play with it, because he would throw it if cross.

Your ds's behaviour at the dr's doesn't seem too unusual to me, it is just the sort of thing I see the children at ds's preschool doing when they are playing, so I really wouldn't be too worried about it. It was a bit over protective of the other mum, but if someone did that to ds then he would scream blue murder so I would explain that he doesn't like people getting too close to him.

My ds is nearly 4, but developmentally he is more like an 18 month old, apart from speech, where he is further delayed (he has no words). He is where he is, and he is moving forward, and every tiny step is hard and amazing at the same time. Don't worry about what others think (I know this is easier said than done!)

I came home the other day, upset about something that someone said about ds, and dh just laughed and said, 'well they are fools because they don't see just how hard every little thing has been for ds, he is an x-man, they just can't see his super power...' (Dh is a big comic book fan!)

Adriana

My DS hasn't been diagnosed but I am pretty sure he has ASD - we are going through all the various tests now. I was incredibly upset about it all and every time I saw DS behaving in a way that was not "normal" it would make me very distressed.

One thing that really helped me was reading "George and Sam" by Charlotte Moore, and reading her articles and seeing the short documentary online about her talking about her two autistic sons (you can find it on Google). It gave me a lot of strength to see the strength she has and her absolute acceptance of her sons' condition. Definitely look it up if you haven't read it.

All the best.

Adrianna - is your ds due to start sch in September? What support does he get at nursery? Are the nursery being supported to develop appropriate strategies to help your ds with his social communication difficulties?

Hi everyone thanks for you replies....

@zzzz your post wasn't blunt at all. But I didn't give my phone to DS, I left my phone on the chair, left the room, came back and caught him playing with it and then he got upset ( forgot what I did) and smashed my phone. But I do understand now that I shouldn't get angry with him..

@ouryve Thanks. I understand now that I need to start treating him like his developmental age.

@hazeyjane That's perfect! do they have one for the Iphone5s?
They said my son is developing like a three year old but has a speech like a 15 month old.

@PolterGoose he has been doing that crying in your face type of thing, when I'm ignoring me since he was a baby! I think it's an attention thing. . I should of acted quickly, but there was so many people in the waiting room, so I didn't get to DS quick enough. He been playing with kids since he was two, and has three good friends and he knows how to play appropriately with them...but sometimes he gets too carried away.

@Hedger Thanks for sharing! I will look it up..

@Littlefish* at nursery, he does not show those inappropriate behaviours at nursery..so I guess they feel they do not need to support him in that area. But I will be having a talk with them.