Anyone had family therapy?

[ToffeeWhirl]

I had to phone my DS1's psychiatrist the other morning because DS1 had told me he wanted to kill himself and had been trying to cut himself with a penknife. He has a diagnosis of TS and OCD, but we are waiting for an ASD assessment. I'm pretty certain that his latest downward spiral has been triggered by being exposed to a mainstream educational setting that doesn't suit him (he is not able to attend secondary school at the moment because of his high anxiety).

The psychiatrist is pushing for more CBT for DS, which helped him enormously last time, but she now wants us to go for family therapy as well. I'm just exhausted by everything, to be honest, and the last thing any of us want to do is go to family therapy. It's as if it's shifting the blame for DS1's behaviour onto us, whereas I think his behaviour is a response to an education system that has failed him. After being fobbed off for years, we are now applying for a statement and I hope that that will finally bring him the right understanding and support.

Also, it's going to be hard enough getting DS1 to the ASD assessment and various assessments required for the statement and I think it's unnecessary to inflict yet another appointment onto an already stressed child.

Anyway, just wondered if anyone else who has a child with SNs has had family therapy and whether it helped.

Anyone?

Toffee yes. And ds has a similar profile to your ds I think.

Ds and dd only came to one appointment as I insisted that I didn't think he would cope in that situation - I was right. In fact both dcs begged never to have to go to family therapy again.

I didn't find it very helpful for us as parents either. We have had two attempts and the second therapist is certainly a lot better than the first but I feel there was a fundamental lack of understanding of what living with a dc with SNs means. There was also a puzzling lack of willingness to follow up some tricky issues between dh and I.

If you want more specifics I can pm you - it is a bit personal.

Thanks, NoHaudin. I have PM'd you.

It does very much depend on the therapist I have found ... some are absolutely hopeless, have no concept of what living with an SEN child is like and want to lump the blame onto the parents. However, the ones we are now having with our local CAMHS have been very helpful and we do feel we are listened to.

Thanks, chocaholic. It's good to hear that you have found a good one through CAMHS. I'm a bit worried that it will turn out to be stressful, rather than helpful, but it's a matter of luck, isn't it? Am just hoping it never happens...

ToffeeWhirl I thought my old thread here might be worth a read for you.

I get to 'revisit' this suggestion of family therapy 18 months on because once again we have been offered family therapy. I now have 3 diagnosed HFA children, 2 of whom have been off school since Jan because of anxiety - and almost certainly the failure of their respective schools to meet their needs.

This time we are being offered family therapy because a second 'course' of CBT didn't work for DS3 - that was last year after I started my thread. DS has just seen a psychiatrist and is now on medication for anxiety. DD was offered an 'assessment' for psychotherapy which we eventually decided we would try. DD hasn't even managed the assessment which was meant to be 'rapport building' with the therapist. That didn't happen and it wasn't just because of DD's selective mutism - the therapist didn't manage to engage DD at all and it was extremely counter productive for me to speak to the therapist in the session with DD there. (DD wouldn't stay on her own). DD was furious with me after a session that I was just doing something that an 'outsider' had told me to do. DD may not speak but her hearing and understanding are fine!

So I have no experience of family therapy as such, but my experience of a psychotherapy assessment for DD means that we (DH attended one of the sessions) are not prepared to do family therapy. We may accept a session or two with just DH and I with a therapist to discuss 'strategies' in a collaborative way, (especially how the school can give support!), but we will not consent to sessions with DS and DD present - too stressful (especially for them). And family therapy seems to have the wrong focus in our case -we are managing the challenges (mostly!) that come from having 3 children with autism - our problems really lie with schools and society generally not being willing to make the adjustments and accommodations our children need. And ironically the schools are desperate for advice on dealing with DS and DD - our CAMHS don't seem to have any service that offers advice to schools on dealing with children with severe anxiety. We are being told family therapy or a discharge ATM! However, for DD both her SALT and the EP are recommending that Camhs are involved in giving advice to the school. I shall be pointing this out....

Thanks for your response, Panne. I'm on holiday at the moment and can't type much here, but I really appreciate you taking the time to post. Have no idea how you cope with three on the spectrum - I am struggling with one.

Will have a read of your old thread, thanks.