Having a bit of a wobbly day. Got a chance to talk to DD's nursery and swapped notes of things over the recent weeks. For better or worse, they seem to match up quite well. I am quite relieved as I have been going round in circles since we saw our paed and had the "is it maybe ASD" chat. DD is 3.6 and is beginning to be more hard work, for want of a better phrase. I've been reading lots but am so confused as to between distinguishing between 'mad 3yo behaviour' and 'possible ASD behaviour'. Our paed advised to assume it is ASD, so am I confusing myself for nothing?!
Nursery are really throwing their weight into trying to help facilitate interaction with peers; DD still absolutely needs an adult to direct this but is apparently getting a little better at "tolerating" children esp physical contact. She is quite inconsistant at home with this; great with adults but not so with children. She rarely gives eye contact with peers and usually only uses learnt phrases to communicate with them, if at all although can also make up her own sentences in other situations.
The big thing is her stubborness. If it is not on her terms, she just will not engage. She used to just ignore demands she wasn't interested in (I never used to think there was a pattern but am beginning a diary as I've began to notice some triggers, esp verbal ones), then hide and now is beginning to really tantrum if challenged. Sometimes she can be jollied out of things, but it takes a lot of work. Nursery said they feel this need for control is holding some of her development back, and I am inclined to agree. For example, I only discovered this week she can spoon feed herself (she has a slightly complicated history including food aversion which has meant she has been tube fed since tiny and also has mild cerebral palsy which does mean her limbs don't always comply); the ease she managed it suggest it is not just a new motor skill out the blue but rather as it was her idea, it was "allowed".
Can anyone spell out some ideas or links for helping minimise or at least manage this controlling aspect? Nursery are really keen to help too which is brilliant. I've read about PDA and whilst she doesn't 100% match the profile, would those strategies help? Is it just worth trying anything and everything?! It is becoming more obvious about her need for routine, so am trying to make sure there are no surprises and going to try a visual timetable. It feels like there is so much to learn to help and I have royally confused myself especially as it is still quite new and trying to work out how things like her CP or just age tie into things if at all. If you have read to this point, thank you and sorry!