"I wish ds1 didn't have to be autistic all the time"

[Jimjams2]

So said ds2 yesterday at tea time. He may not have been being profound, he's a bit obsessed about going to pizza hut at the moment (never been) but has been told he can't go when we have ds1 with us obviously. And last week he was going on about ds1 not being autisitc when we drove past pizza hut, I suspect it may be linked.

However he did tell me he thinks ds1 will talk "when he's a grown up". So there we go.

Do you have a Pizza Hut near you that does takeaways?
(Even less profound than your ds2's comment, sorry!)

He hated pizza util a month ago, when mum and dad said they would take him to pizza hut if he started to behave better at mealtimes (mealtimes had become a nightmare with ds2 using it as a time to play up- prob because of the amount of attention ds1 gets at meal times). Now he is pizza/hut obsessed. The problem with pizza hut is that both ds1 and ds3 also like pizza but are gluten free so ds2 needs to go separately really.

I think ds2 is just beginning to realise that there's lots of things he doesn't do because of ds1.

Ah well- it can only get worse when he starts school!

i feel so incredibly guilty but...i often feel the same way as yur DS2!

there is so much that my DD misses out on, as does DS because he just can't cope with certain situations.

i wish he could just have 1 week off of ASD so we could do al the things we can't normally.

oops im going to get jumped on now aren't i

we have the disabled swim club and the sunday's my helper is in we go there with ds1 and ds2 (ds3 in the future).

I have a thing about the cinema at the moment. want to take ds2 but can't seem to schedule it for someone else to have ds1. Managed one day monthsago then there was nothing on!

I worry about the after school playdates- i mean how will that work? ds2 doesn't even realise how odd a lot of ds1's behaviour is so what will happen if he starts getting the piss ripped out of him at school because of it?

jj ~ huge sympathies. Ds going through a very bad patch at the moment.
Is very embarrased of dd and now when he has a friend for tea she tends to go to nanny's.
Sounds awful but I just want him to have some normality in his life.
Thing is he won't read any info I have or go to young carers so in a catch 22.

Looking at the comment in a positive way - he didn't say he wished DS1 wasn't there, just that he wasn't autistic all the time.

Ahhhhhh, do you think that your mum and dad will feel he has been good enough at mealtimes to deserve a pizza hut experience.

We have Mencap cinema showings here and they are pretty good,{lots of autistic children although many don't manage a whole show, its just really about getting through the door for many) they also do lots of days out although I haven't tried them. The problem with these is that you still need an extra pair of hands.

Hope he gets his pizza soon

oh they do- they tried to take him last week, but he wanted to have pancakes instead! He stays over at theirs quite a lot. I've read your stuff on ttr BH, and yes its hard to get it right. Mum and dad would have ds1 at their house, but are concerned that its not safe for him (it isn't - open stairs, locks not too great from inside etc).

Actually tea at granny's whilst ds2 brings friend's home sounds like a good one.

We've just reformed the NAS here maddie and will be approaching the local cinema. I would take ds1 to something like that, but perhaps alone until we knew how he responded. School take older children to the cinema.

I'm not really worried about what others think or what ds1 does its just all really pointless at the moment as ds1 will not stay in the room for long enough to eat a meal, so we end up having to take it in turns to walk him up and down outside, whilst the other one sits with the other 2. Completely pointless. And usually one person gets to not eat at all.

Until recently he wouldn't eat at all outside the house. School have helped with that, and its something I try and work on (bag of crisps on a bench etc). Last week when ds2 was in nursery and I had my helper we took ds1 and ds3 to a cafe for some chips (beach cafe- outdoor). He did really well (ok so he sniffed some blokes bottom, but the bloke didn't notice, and he sniffed and old ladies sandwich but she didn't mind), he sat and ate his chips (except for getting up to sniff the bottom), but as soon as he finished that was it we had to get up and go. That is another school thing though- a year and a halfof work bless them, this time last year would have been unthinkable.

I'm sure we'll work up to meal at some stage but until he can sit for it and eat something its pointless. It is one of my holiday "must work on" targets though. And weather permitting I'm going to try a picnic (of junk - no chance otherwise) on Thursday whilst I have help in. If it happens it will be the first one in 4 years.

I almost envy you

hi i'm cas mum to three sons with autism

the third one seems to have put himself on a diet of risp and nuts intnded for the parrot

well i know where your ds2 is coming from JJ, i wish my three would be autisic by rota or summat, you know one at a time. [win]

As long as they gave you a day off inbetween eh OJ

Welcome casx! OJ has 3 as well! (As does a RL friend of mine).

a day off would be good but it would have to be the same day each week, but i can handle that!
welcome casx.

You could take an art class, or go for a weekly massage or something

On further (gentle) questioning it appears that ds2 did think that ds1 would grow out of it. Not sure why whenever he sees any white bus he says "ooh look mummy its a bus for autistic children" even when full of the elderly!

In a positive way I think it's great that kids feel they can say just what they want without sometimes realizing the implications of what they're saying. Right now your ds wishes things would be different so that he could do the things he wants when he wants, but as he grows up he will learn to be a much more tolerant and understanding person than most. And the friends he makes at school, and brings home for play dates, will learn through your ds, and your ds3, that not everyone is the same, and they will benefit from this in a positive way as well.

I also think that although there will always be those who are more ignorant than others, the one positive thing that some inclusion of sn children into main stream schools is the fact that children are made more aware of sn than would have happened in previous generations when the disabled were hidden from view so to speak.

DS1 thinks DS2 will grow out of his autism as well. But I can't blame him - it's only very recently that I've accepted that DS2 is 'autistic through and through' to quote Charlotte Moore, and that it's not a kind of skin that he will shrug off as he gets older. So it's not surprising that a 5 yr old thinks that too!

For what its worth, playdates are overrated,I find the behaviour and general manner of ds1's chosen special friend to be much much more unacceptable then ds2's autism, he came for a whole day ast week, I was stressed to the nines by tea time! the house was immaculate, anything to distract myself from wringing his neck!

Same here Emmalou! DS1's best friend (as NT as they come) is far more difficult to manage than DS2.

I can so relate to this. I feel like my ds2s autism is restricting us all, i know it sounds selfish but i cant help feel it. Ive been feeling down lately and im hating hearing whos pregnant or who had a wee baby etc. Im regretting giving both my sons their baby jags and im angry with myself for that. As i think a mixture of mine and dh genes and the jags set off the special needs my kids have. Both my sons have sn but its ds2 who has autism and is nonverbal where it really noticeable. Somedays i dont feel strong enough to deal with it all, and not old or wise enough to deal with it all. Sorry for the rant im having a bit of a downer lately and dont mean to hijack the thread.