ds2 has currently been referred on for possible autism and he does fit it a lot.
Anyway, it's made me think more about ds1 who is almost 10. I wouldn't say he is, certainly he pointed as a child and talked just fine, although people did think he was unusual in how he spoke. I did have some concerns, such as the fact his preferred play at 2 was lining up his cars and he loved to read Auto Trader, he could identify any make and model of car, even from a side view, at 2. At toddler group he did the same and wasn't interested in other children at all until he was 3.
He still gets obsessive. He's heavily into football, enjoys playing it, gets bored watching it, but memorises all the facts and figures and tells anecdotes like he's seen the matches from the past that he's talking about. He has an incredible ability to memorise facts and figures from whatever he's currently obsessed with. He's very good at maths, like adding three digit numbers in his head when he was 3. His play is often recreating battles from the computer game EU 3 and if he doesn't have access to the game he prints off world maps to colour, and with his lego he'll use the blocks as colours to represent countries on the green board.
I had assumed he was very socially aware, but we talk a lot about kids and their motivations, he tends to liken them to other things, so he understands the dynamics of his class as if it's war, allies, enemies and neutral people and all manner of treaty interactions between people who are trying to get in with the larger powers in the classroom, that is, the popular children.
He's also very highly strung, perfectionist, he sleep walks and has night terrors. His new school since September has really helped because they work on drafts of things so he doesn't have to get things right first time. I took him out of his last school because he ended up having meltdowns at the end of each day, shouting at me, screaming in my face and walking off and wishing he was dead. Just behaviour that is not him at all. He does have concentration problems in class but he has worked on those. And I already know if the free school doesn't open in the year he goes to secondary I will probably home educate again as dh and I think he'll drown in one of the regular large schools, both with other pupils and more shouty adults. I still remember him at 3 telling me when I shouted at him it made his brain go fizzy and he couldn't think at all and he's much the same now.
He also needs to know exactly what's going on in a day. If we go to town he won't let it rest about the order we're doing the shops in and what exactly we have to get.
Sorry for the massive essay. I guess what I'm wondering is are these more than a little quirky? I mean dh is most likely also on the spectrum, I fit some of the aspergers adult women stuff though it seems bizarre to me that I do, so is he just quirky because of the family he comes from or is there more going on? Not that anyone can really answer this. I guess I just need to get it out, maybe change the way we are with him. I had assumed he was emotionally mature, but I think he's intellectually able and compensating.