Dd's behaviour is really really hard to live with and I am not sure what to do next

[Used2bthin]

Sorry for the melodramatic title but it has been that sort of a day. Dd is 7 , has asd and a genetic condition. Also possibly precocious puberty at the moment. She is really violent , just pinches, pushes, bites and hits routinely. This is me, dh and her baby sister when she can get near, today she walked past her sister and then just grabbed and pulled her hair really hard, completely out of the blue.

She also kicked my dad which was awful as he was really annoyed , he'd taken her out and had a lovely time looking at trains (her obsession) for hours so I think it was a shock she kept going for him.

God its hard, dh and I just keep the girls separate when its really dangerous but tomorrow I will be on my own for a bit with them. We have all sorts of support and she isn't as violent at school, I feel I can't handle my own child's behaviour and I am not sure things will get better , she is getting more able if anything, she managed to lock me and dd2 out of the house the other day with a key I didn't even know existed , I had to climb through the window.

Sorry for the rant I just feel at a loss.

Yes I agree , I definitely am less able to stay calm with too much caffiene. I just don't think I could function without it though on how little sleep I get.

Just managed to miss a call from my gp and am so annoyed with myself!! Went upstairs and raced down to the phone but it had stopped. Argh! Been waiting for the call all day too.

It's a vicious circle, though. I've never been a great sleeper and even with the amitriptyline I take I still regret afternoon caffeine in the early wee hours.

used2b I sympathise.

As polter says, sleep deprivation is used as a torture.

When I went (sometimes still going) through that stage with DS, I found I had a hair trigger temper at times and felt unable to cope well with his demands.

My lifeline (and I am a bit of an evangelist about it ) was mindfulness.

Now I am in no way woo inclined so I was very sceptical. It does work and has worked for DS too.

See here They even have ones aimed at different age groups. I now use them in my work and find children more open to it than their parents. It might help.

Thanks - DS has a sleep disorder and it was making me ill before we moved. I've never had so many colds, snuffles and ended up with a horrid eye infection that lasted months the winter before last. Sleep deprivation goes on too long, and eventually your immune system packs up on you. The sheer relentlessness of it for years on end does in all patience for anyone except those you really, really care about. I was constantly trying not to snap at people who pushed me in the street, rude recptionists etc.

Recently Ds went thru a bit of a horrid phase when we had all those hurricanes, thankfully now we seem to be settling down a bit again.

Yes you are right ouryve. I think it would help me lose weight too if I cut the caffiene (well the milk and sugar I put in my caffiene sources anyway!)

Thanks redoubtable. I had thought she was lacking enough understanding for mindfulness but will have a proper read through. Something needs to change soon as I haven't the energy to keep trying!

Sorry used2be I didnt read back through the thread and realise now that I have previously said all of the above re mindfulness.

The Smiling Mind ones are from age 7. I have made up my own for DS and children that I treat. I recently had a just 6yo do it by breathing in and getting him to think of a butterfly dancing in front of his face, so he couldnt blow out fast and disturb it. He loved it.

boc I was like that last winter. My GP advised me to have the 'flu shot this winter. Either due to that (or my head being stronger) but this winter has not been so sickly.

Bochead sorry I had missed your post, will be back soon and will answer properly. Redoubtable dont worry as I thought that I had read on another thread about mindfulness but hadn't realised it was you or even that it was on this thread!

Right I am back. Redoubtable I had in fact missed a post from you too, about motor coordination.

I tried soooo hard this evening, I felt able to having worked most of the day! Dd1 did hurt dd2 quite badly which was awful (on dhs watch but I had thought hmm don't like the worry if them sitting close to each other with dd2 on a stool and sure enough she pushed her off it, I hadn't said anything as they were talking nicely to each other, giggling etc and I thought dhs call) anyway I sat with dd1 after we took her out of the room and she tried to climb on my lap, she was quite distressed at being moved from the room, she eventually calmed down and by a combination of exhausting positivity and sticking to my guns I managed to get us safely through tea time and then wrote a social story with dd for the first time, it was about staying in her room till seven o clock so will see what happens tonight.

I really do need some way of seperating the children when dd1 is really volatile, need to get that dog gate then she can be in the playroom but still see me, does that sound reasonable ? Not sure what to do if she manages to get out if the playroom as she may well work the gate out? What do others with big children/ adults do? She is quite physically able in a lot of ways but completely unpredictable when in a state particularly at the moment.

Forgot to add, the good news was that the doctor called and isn't worried about my funny turn, its a vasovagal something so low blood pressure, she said not to worry just be careful when standing up, don't do it suddenly.

Your dd sounds a lot like mine! Mine has been a bit calmer recently - I think because she has more support at school and also just because she is so repetitive - once she gets into the violence she just gets on and on, but she can get into a good repetitive cycle too. I really think a lot of my dd's violence is sensory seeking - plus the obvious control issues and impulsiveness. She needs so much sensory input though its exhausting! I roll her on her peanut, do foot squeezes and massages with lavender oil, hot dog in a bun (roll her in duvet then apply 'mustard' etc), do tug of war...I think it's hardest finding ways to integrate the 'heavy work' but she does seem to seek that out. I have one if those ikea hanging chairs somewhere but it's not up yet.

I totally sympathise as the violence is so horrific to deal w and in our case is having a real impact on dd2 (2 yrs younger) who cowers when dd1 gets angry - but also winds her up and pushes all her buttons.

Hi fancyanolive they really do sound similar and I think you are spot on with the repetitive cycle. Poking dd2 in the eyes in the car became so repetitive , it was just what she did in the car, that we got a new car with a back row so they could be separated. Since then on the occasions when she's in a different car and could reach dd2 she doesn't do it, the cycle has been broken.

She seems to hurt dd2 when angry with me, its almost a punishment to me which is awful and she often gets really upset after as if she didnt want to hurt her really. Its impulsive often too.

God, eye poking in specific places - I'd almost forgotten but when dd1 was 2 and dd2 a tiny 6 week old, dd1 went through an eye poking stage - every day on the steps outside our flats, and in a particular place in the park. In Dd2's passport photos you can see the marks on her face! I am pretty vigilant and supervise v closely but it is just not possible to always prevent the violence - dd1 goes from 0-100 with no warning and is so vicious. I find it very isolating, too, the violence - don't want to talk about it too much with school mums etc as it is obviously quite off putting.

Yes it's hard to explain that dd only targets certain people so isn't actually a danger to many people .

Wow our dd's really are alike! Its exhausting remembering it all isn't it. I suppose the particular spot in the park must have been easier to resolve than the steps to your flat! That has actually reminded me that dd1 had an eye poking thing on the way to school too! I am so glad she now gets taken by bus it was so awful having to push a buggy and shield dd2 at the same time, the looks I used to get!

Two incidents today, better than usual but not great still, I do worry about dd2 growing up thinking this is normal , to be attacked by a child three times her size. Mind you, it hasn't made her wary, she follows dd1 around and climbs on her back!

It isn't possible to always prevent it I agree and it is often so unpredictable.