plzz tell me wtf I am doing wrong

[Pootrouble]

Dd2 is 4.5. Born prem screamed relentlessly since birth and been horrific sleeper (now got melatonin). Under pead and seen OT and salt.OT said she had some sensory issues gave us some exercises and discharged her. Salt said she was speech delayed at 2 but has since caught up and doing really well.she walked late and struggles going down stairs - still does them one at a time. She also has anxiety around certain issues mainly school.

Anyway we have massive issues with clothing. She will not wear any buttons except on school uniform. She screams putting on socks and tights and majority of her clothes are too itchy/tight/long/wrong! Tonight she was really looking forward to school disco but whinged and cried for 30 mins because her tights were 'hurting her' then got upset as she couldnt wear her necklace cos it was itchy then her shoes hurt! Aaaarggghhh!!!
The thing I find stressful is school think she's an angel who causes no problems and I cant fathom why she doesnt create a fuss putting her socks amd shoes on at school after PE?! If she can do it there why not at home?! It drives me insane.

getting dressed to go anywhere takes forever and anything I buy her is wrong evwn if she chooses it. We are still under a pead who was considering assessing for aspergers. Could this be aspergers or more likely to be just sensory integration issues? She did have aocial issues but has got better since starting reception. She does have seperstion anxiety from me too.

many thanks

Two of my children have sensory issues: one has Aspergers and the other is neurotypical.

I do sympathise; I spend ages trying to find soft / seamless clothes. DD finds it difficult to tolerate anything on her feet and tights don't work for her at all. Anxiety makes it worse and if they have held it together all day at school then it has to come out at home.

Forgot to say we do have some food issues too and some anger issues too! Change of routine is hard for her and thats really the only thing that school have picked up on is the fact that she needs to be prewarned of change

Thank you threebee. My mornings are so stressful! My other dd1 has adhd so the house is chaotic and noisy at its best! Dd1 has mild issues with clothes but dd2s issues are through the roof!!

Any idea why she will not be displaying these clothing issues at school? She seems generally placid at school and on several occasions shouldve asked for help with somethimg and didn't so I wonder if its just that shes quieter at school. At one point I wondered if she had some sort of selective mutism as she would be quiet for hours when anxious

Oh gee poo she sounds just like my Dd3 who is 11, she has Dx's of Asd [but presents like aspergers], associated sensory processing dysfunction, hypermobility syndrome.

She can follow rules, in fact she likes rules but generally prefers them to be of her choosing. School is structured and the rules have to be followed so she does follow them.

She had/has lots of issues with clothes, buttons were a no no for a really long time and even now very few of her clothes have buttons on.

Dare I suggest you read a few articles about girls with Aspergers/Asd, there are quite a few if you google it. Even if your Dd turns out to not need a dx the strategies will help you to help her. Stick around on here too for great advice and support.

Oh and next do brilliant pull on school trousers, they are pretty much all cotton and very comfy.

Good luck

Meant to say the inability to communicate when anxious is another of Dd3,s problems. I have even been reading about selective mutism recently too but have decided she has enough dx's at the moment

What is with the button thing?! We ended up cutting off the buttons from DS1 school tshirts. Mornings were just to angst ridden. But the odd thing is, he LOVED buttons as a toddler, MIL sewed a load of buttons on a flannel for him and he slept with it for months! Now tho, he screams blue murder if he sees any buttons!

Thanks all.
Ive heard of PDA will definatley look into it more. I do actually work with a boy with aspergers and shes not like him at all although hes much older and I realise girls can be different.

I think I will just ebay all her lovely unworn buttoned clothes and buy new unbuttoned ones!

shop.sensory-smart.com/

Given her age I would see a private OT with postgraduate qualifications in sensory integration. The SIPT assessment has an upper age of 9 and in any case even when NHS OTs do sensory profile they do not offer integration therapy. DS1 has severe tactile hypersensitivity. He also has ASD. He has therapressure on his statement but as he is now 13 the effects are limited.

Also apply for DLA - you need it for all the clothes that are never worn, expensive alternatives, shoes, bedding etc.

this book talks of holding it together as a symptom of sensory issues but I think it's probably a symptom of lots of things, even for NT children. I think there's a lot of pressure in society to act a certain way and put up with things which is very difficult for them and it all comes out where they feel safe. I would imagine your DD is also having these issues at school but doesn't feel comfortable enough to make a 'fuss' there

With regards to school I was not really surprised to see that they have not seen anything untoward. They actually would not because they are not trained enough or skilled enough to spot the child with additional needs. Often such children are compliant too and thus ignored and unnoticed in a class of 30. Her needs are likely not being anywhere near being met in such a setting.

How is she with her peer group; does she have friends?.

Is she on anything like School Action Plus at school currently (she should be already on this); in your case I would also now be applying for a Statement and asap.

Apply for DLA as well if you have not already done so and use the Cerebra guide to helping complete the mountain of paperwork.

Thanks all. Yes she is on school action plus, they had an additional TA in the room at nursery but since reception I don't think they've done much in the way of support except acknowledge that she needs extra support when things are going to change.

I will buy those books now!

Yes she does get DLA just awarded last year thankfully! We've found Boden clothes excellent for their softness I just loathe the prices - she would spend all day in trackies if I let her! She started swimming classes in January. Missed a lesson due to sickness then had half term week off. She went back this week and had an awful screaming fit saying she hated it and she didn't want to go and the lessons take "too long"!! This came as total shock as she's always loved her lessons (they are 1:1). I think the break in lessons then going back to them was too much of a change for her.

She does have friends but dislikes play dates at our house so we don't do them. Several children at school like her. I get the feeling she is quiet, vulnerable and sensitive at school. She's also the youngest being an August baby. At home she is a controlling demanding little menace who screams, demands and destroys!

Thanks polter will check them out. We have had boden trackies and a lovely zipped towelling hoody
will look at private OT too

I would echo advice above.
It sounds as if your DD has problems with Sensory Processing.

This is a book OTs love to recommend to parents to help them understand what is going on inside their DC.

This is a useful introduction to Sensory Processing

It is not unusual for children particularly girls with SPD to 'keep it together' at school and appear 'fine'. When they get home, all the stress flows out.

'Heavy' work helps to calm the central nervous system - see here. Doing this before and after school may help her to learn how to cope for herself.