Can we talk about empathy?

[lougle]

I am trying to order my thoughts and I'm confused by this.

Sometimes, DD2 will show a little empathy. For example, if I say something self-deprecating such as 'Sorry about that, I'm a terrible mother...', she will say 'No you're not! You're the best Mum in the whole world...'

But generally, she just doesn't seem to get it at all. Today, DD1 fell a full flight of stairs, top to bottom, hitting a small suitcase on the way down, then crashing into a wall (at BIL/SIL's house).

DD1's cousin made her a playdough smiley face to cheer her up. DD3 approached us and cuddled DD1 tenderly. DD2 carried on regardless. When I finally said 'DD2, DD1 has really hurt herself', she just shrugged her shoulders and said 'I know.' then carried on doing what she was doing.

It seems so cold. I tell myself that she must not realise, but I don't think I really understand why. I don't understand why she doesn't show empathy towards people unless there is a very obvious 'this is what you should do in this situation.'

Please do, Polter - it's never a hijack, simply a meandering. Perhaps more, a weaving of threads for us all to see a bigger picture?

I said upthread that I went to a party on Saturday. I wasn't looking forward to it - dislike big gatherings - but it was my BIL's 40th birthday party and I wanted to celebrate with him. It was fancy dress, to add to the issues. We got there, entered the house. Huge party - 40-50 people. An hour or so of 'mingling' which I find excruciating. 20 minutes in, it felt like I'd been there at least an hour and a half. Then there were some party games. I found it all so stressful. Noisy. People breaking the 'rules' of the game and getting so into it that they were being quite exhibitionist, etc. I sat there thinking 'this is not fun.'

When we left (we saw it out til the official end, although many people stayed a couple of hours after that) I said to DH 'what if DD2 is how she is because of me? What if I'm the problem?'

I could tick a fair few boxes myself, I think

In fact, when I was 2/3, I was in the bath (so my Mum tells me) and said 'I want to get out now.' Mum said 'You're fed up of being in the bath, now..' and I replied 'No, I'm not fed up, I just want to get out.'

You're right, zzzzz. It's just that we look at DD3 and (apart from her seam issues and propensity to rage) everything is just so 'effortless' for her. She has charm and wit in spades. She makes friends just by looking at people. She is 'known' in the school by children from all years. She's only been there since September.

Today, she was sitting with us and suddenly said 'Mum, is 'Patch' a homonym?' She just absorbs information and makes connections and deductions as easily as she is breathing.

Pressed post...

Then I look at poor DD2, who today had a meltdown because she had 'broken' the hoover. She'd simply nudged the bar at the back which drops the cylinder back on itself to give extra range. But she was in a complete hysteria and thought she'd ruined our hoover and she was distraught.

She is so fragile, so much of the time.