Anger management available to children??

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

I've noticed that a lot of us post on here about anger problems with our DCs. I have a 7yo DS1 that I'm seeing more aggression from as he gets older, and I suspect to some extent I'm not the only one that sometimes is at a loss as to how to help him either express it or contain it.

I've asked the paediatrician and his school about any type of anger management programmes (either to attend or simply to go through at home) and have been told any that they are aware of are geared towards older teenagers. What happened to being proactive?

Don't they realise that getting this information BEFORE they hit puberty and putting some behavioural controls and practices in place NOW could go a long way in preventing bigger behavioural problems when they hit those teen years?? Why is this such a struggle for them to understand. I've mentioned it to a number of medical and school professionals, and they all seem to look taken aback by this idea. Seriously? This is news??

Is anyone aware of any programmes that are available for younger children - say around 6-10yo - for anger management at all?

I think ds was about the same age, 7 or 8, when we started anger management. Might even have been earlier.

I've just looked back to his early targets and we had:

I will try to settle in at
I will try to improve my ability to talk over problems with Mam
I will try to maintain my honesty about my daily anger levels
I can try to understand teasing and not get cross about it
I can try to make friends at school

Everything we did was typed out so we had visual records of all that we were doing and how we intended to achieve his goals. It meant we could go back and check whenever we needed - this helped to reduce uncertainty about the task in hand.

Social stories were my 'thing' back in the day - we had dozens. But again they need to be written specifically for the individual so it's hard to write them with other children in mind. I'd write mine in draft first, with lots of photos and graphics (ds has ADHD as well as autism and liked his stories 'busy'), and over time ds and I agreed on a layout, font etc that he was happy with. We'd talk through all the pictures and text to be absolutely sure they fitted with what he needed, before printing it out as a 'good' copy and keeping it on file. It could take weeks to perfect just one story but it was worth it if it worked.

I also came up with an alternative to social stories that worked well. Social stories seem to work on the assumption that the child wants to do the right thing and please people, so they're written in very positive terms. This just wasn't the case for ds so he had to have something that described the consequences of undesirable behaviours. So I came up with Choice Cards with outcomes for cooperating and outcomes for not. These were VERY helpful as they filled in the gaps that social stories couldn't cover.

I'm happy to share any of the tools I used - I'll email you later .

I'd love to see them as well if you don't mind. DS1 has ADHD as is also a fan of "busy stories".

Emailed you both.

Thank you

I like your targets, it hadn't occurred to me that him talking his feelings of with me could be a target. That is the thing that makes most difference to my ds. How did you track that and make it measurable? I love the idea of Choice Cards too, I absolutely get what you mean about social stories being written in positive terms!

I'm not sure that I did track and measure talking his feelings, not in any quantifiable way. I just noted that he DID talk but we had to have specific ways of doing it - in time I identified that ds has a huge problem with verbalising emotions and obviously that was an obstacle to this kind of communication, but it did break down the problem so that I knew exactly where his deficits were and what precise help to ask for (we still never got it, but hey ho).

Realistically we had a range of responses to Yes/No questions, which was necessary because ds couldn't tell me what was troubling him or how he was feeling, and I had to pretty much guess. It was made possible by giving him Yes/No alternatives and the option to elaborate if he felt able.

Streaky those are some fabulous posts, very clear and helpful.

I deal with anger outbursts/meltdown very rarely with DS now- having gone from once or twice per day. But I am really worried about DD1 and also about how DS will cope when hormones hit (have kinda started this already, and he can be very grumpy, though not hitting).

Thanks for the advice.

I definitely believe it's worth establishing good habits well before puberty strikes, otherwise you'll have double the problem when it comes. Ds is certainly not averse to teenage strops but it would be horrific if he was still as violent and aggressive as he was a few years ago. He's not a bad egg, really .

OT popped by with a couple pages of anger management tips, which I'm looking over (I asked her for them). I've got the "anger" book aimed at DCs coming in the post soon. I've got "explosive child" on my kindle. I've got the CD with information from streakybacon. Lock and load. Preparing for bear. I'm getting ready to draw up some strategies to try here for anger management for DS1, and I want to start next week, once I've worked out what I want to put in place first.

I've also finally gotten his piano books, which he is so excited about. I'm hoping this will be both an interest, an exercise that helps with his coordination, and an outlet as he gets better. Fingers crossed anyway.

Tip: Don't rush it. I know you'll be keen to get to work but it will be all the more effective if you've planned it out. It's also worth (if you haven't already) talking through the aims with your ds so that he's on board. Slow and steady .

Good luck!

No, I'm a procrastinator as well. Not a rusher.

Thank you again for the info streaky.

DS1 is 7yo and a walking etchasketch. I can discuss it with him, but he will be:

1- turning his head looking around the room the entire time
2- interrupt me to ask if it will involve his 2DS or a Mario game
3- interrupt me to tell me yet again that he is hungry
4- at the end of the discussion when I ask if he understood, he will say "understood what?"

I'll just say "we're going to practice doing THIS today...." and implement it that way for now. Less stressful for me.