I feel like he worst mum in the world

[NewBlueCoat]

I just dropped dd1 off at school.

They are a bit short staffed - usual winter bugs etc - and they are a couple of tutors short in dd1's class today.

Usually in this situation, dd1 is the one who has the staff change/new tutor/cover person, as she is the one on her class who copes the best (I assume - it has always been this way, and whiel I don't like it, I understand why it happens). We do get the fall out though.

today, we were waiting to go in, and the tutor who comes out for dd1 is the one tutor who dd1 has a real problem with. a huge problem. dd1 has been saying all year that she doesn't like this tutor (and I have passed this on to the school). dd1 really doesn't complain much (aside from usual child grumbles) and so when she does - especially to people other than family - it mean there it is a really big deal.

dd1 was crying, and saying she didn't want to work with this tutor. and I had to send her in. I had to be cheery, and wave her off, and tell her it would be ok. when it won't. she is goign to have a horrible morning.

of course, I went straight to the office to let them know, and ask them if anything could be done. but it won't be. becaus ehtey will deem the other children more likely to be upset than dd1 (even though she never reacts this way, except for this one tutor), and won't swap their tutors around.

I feel as though I have gone back in time, and I am once again dropping her off at mainstream pre-school all those years ago. when I knew she wouldn't cope, nd would hate it, and needed me.

it;s brought home how tenuous her apparent high-functioning is. she has been doing so well, and getting on brilliantly, and one small change, to a person she already knows (she used to work with htis tutor a couple of years ago, and didn't have this big issue then, or at least didn't say anything) has really thrown her. and is likely to shake her whole trust in the school (quite rightly). she should never have been put to work with this tutor.

and I feel absolutely awful, because I left her there. when al I wanted to do was scoop her up and take her home and keep her safe. because she is worried right now, and I didn't do anything about it.

How awful

You're her mum, NewBlueCoat, and that provision is flipping expensive, if I remember rightly, so they can jolly well sort it out!

If they are offering a specialist provision for children with severe ASD who need 1:1 intensive teaching, then they can't ignore something that will destroy her learning each day.

I think you need to keep a log of each time DD1 is reallocated to suit staffing etc., then go and have a 'concerned chat' about consistency and stability because 'you've noticed a deterioration at home in the last few weeks...'

it's hard to find where to draw the line, tbh.

the provision is flipping expensive, yes, but so are their overheads, given the staff ratios. and having even a couple of staff off sick really throws their scheduling out.

sometimes thye have to make the least-worst choice, and if dd1 is the child least likely to be upset (or most likely to be least upset), then it makes sense to swap her around.

today was a step too far, absolutely. dd1 didn't stop talking about it all evening, and we had an enlightening chat about it all at bedtime (she told me 'if I run away in the playground, then X can't say 'hi' and then I won't have to work with X' ). she took ages to settle to sleep, so the odds for tomorrow morning running smoothly are not looking good...

but the rest? they can only do their best.

having said that, there is barely a day over the past few weeks where the phrase 'dd1 has coped well with changes to her schedule today' has not been uttered at pick up/written in her home/school book.

well, she has gone into school.

she was edgy and nervous, and kept chattering all the way to school about how she wanted today to be the same, and not be a different day (ie run as usual, without changes)

I have written an essay in her home/school book. we will see what the comeback is - as yet I have heard nothing.